The Goldilocks Principle: Valve Stem Length

Keep it short and clean…

The Goldilocks Principle is under assault, balance is lost. Without balance, we are reduced to savages. Steerectile dysfunction is spreading like wildfire; socks are quickly becoming knee-highs and the line between shorts and knickers continues to blur.

We spend considerable time making everything on our loyal steed fit and look perfect. Bar tape and tire color are carefully coordinated to frame and decals; the tape is wrapped and finished expertly. Saddles are positioned with a spirit level. Cables are cut to the shortest length possible to allow for smooth and friction-free braking and shifting. Cable ends are trimmed to the shortest sensible length. Tires are mounted with labels mounted directly above the valve. And yet the valve stems themselves have recklessly been allowed to grow ever longer.

The Prophet and De Vlaeminck didn’t ride around with 5cm of valve stem sticking out of their rims. Granted, they only had one length to choose from, but that one length stems were made in was obvious: as short as possible. Valve stems need to be managed just like everything else on our bikes. They need to protrude from the rim enough to allow for a pump head to be securely attached to it; anything more is ugly and dead weight. (Incidentally, if you are using a pump with a screw-on head like a Lezyne or Silca, then this means all you need is the threads of the valve core plus a few millimeters to allow for the head to securely thread on.)

For those among us riding deep section rims, forget the long-stem inner tubes. Buy tubes with 32mm stems with removable cores and use the shortest valve extender possible. Under no circumstances should one use an inner tube without removable cores. It is important, however, that upon removing the tube from its package and before installing it or placing it in your kit, that the core be removed and reinstalled using a small wrap of plumber’s tape; this will ensure that the core does not unthread with your pump head, causing a disappointing deflation of both spirit and tire.

Bring back the balance. Stop this long valve madness and get thee to your local bike shop for some fresh, short-stemmed tubes.

We are not savages, my children. We are the Velominati. Vive la Vie Velominatus.

[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/frank@velominati.com/Goldilocks Stems/”/]

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

Next The First Ride Back »

Previous « Midwinter Metric Meiklour Cogal Report 2013

View Comments

sexy says:

Jul 27 2014 at 1:57 am

i did not believe is till i saw it very hot
wilburrox says:

Jan 1 2015 at 7:48 am

@PeakInTwoYears

@frank

My favorite part is the apparent feeling of obligation to take the time to post in order to state the obvious.

I'm chuckling like Beavis after a big pull on a bong.

I have to say, it was brilliant thinking having the random selection of old articles that pop up be available. I don't read 'em often but when I do, rarely do I not find a post that cracks me up and made the time well spent. >>> chuckling like Beavis after a big pull on a bong <<< Sometime in 2015 that line's gonna get used with great effect.

@PeakInTwoYear's post followed a random post from someone apparently surprised at how "... the simple fact that you people really need to get a life" ! Hah!! May 2015 provide us all with plenty of opportunity to obsess over our bikes, our rides, the countryside we see on our bikes, our friends on bikes and allow us to be completely and blissfully unconfronted by the otherwise looney tunes nonsense that real life can bring us every day on the front pages of newspapers. Cheers all!