The Good Wolf

Feeding the Good Wolf

One evening, an elderly Cherokee brave told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, “my son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ inside us all. One is evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is good. It is joy, peace love, hope serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “the one that you feed.”

I am given to understand that our brains get covered in plaque when we don’t exercise. That sounds terrible, a plaque-covered brain; if I needed another reason to ride, that one would be first in line.

I already ride for many reasons; the freedom, the harmony, the sense of flying over the ground. The feeling of strength in my muscles as I force tempo and near my threshold. I love feeling fit, I love how my muscles feel when I touch them, the fibers are there just below the skin.

But I can’t always ride as much as I want or need to, and I can feel my mental state start to deteriorate. Self-doubt creeps in, unnoticed, and when that happens, I find satisfaction in climbing on my bike and going into the red just to prove I can still make myself hurt simply because I want to. It rebuilds the trust I have in myself that I can do whatever needs to be done in life.

Other times, I’ll find myself in an unexplained and unsolicited foul mood that needs an exorcism. I recently had such a day after a short spell off the bike. I knew what I needed to do: go meet the Man with the Hammer. Just going for a ride doesn’t flush the system the way I need it to; I find I need to run it on fumes in order to reboot the system. Five hours into the ride, I was still riding well and still in a dark mood. The policy is to keep turning onto a road that leads farther from home until the lights go out; only then am I permitted to ride home.

The ride through the total exhaustion is where the magic happens; the sensation of hopelessness at the daunting ride ahead slowly melts into certainty that I can override the messages coming from my body and keep chipping away at the task at hand. Eventually, a heavy kind of dull strength returns to my muscles when the Body finally gives in and decides to collaborate in the Mind’s mission to overcome. By the time I get home, drained, I am reborn.

I don’t always need to ride in order to be a complete person, but generally I am a better man when I find the time to turn the legs around. Winter is coming, and the shorter days will make it harder to get out, but I am resolved to continue to feed the Good Wolf.

Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

Next La Vie Velominatus: The Joyride »

Previous « Dialing in the Stable

View Comments

Randy C says:

Sep 11 2016 at 6:22 pm

@Teocalli

@frank – dang so apt. Something is definitely feeding my Bad Wolf these days and the darned thing is going to escape soon.

I'm not so sure that throwing the bad wolf a little raw meat now and then isn't a bad thing… the whole ying and yang… a little tension helps to create balance and perspective. And having to overcome the bad wolf helps to keep ya on your toes. Such is life. Easy doesn't cut it. Cheers
RobSandy says:

Sep 12 2016 at 2:52 am

This is all a bit dark-side v light-side, isn't it?

The Dark Side of the Force is so much cooler.
Teocalli says:

Sep 12 2016 at 3:25 am

@RobSandy

This is all a bit dark-side v light-side, isn’t it?

The Dark Side of the Force is so much cooler.

Until it results in self destruction!
Ron says:

Sep 12 2016 at 1:03 pm

GREAT piece, Frank! I let the Bad Wolf eat too often, as I'm prone to being negative, cynical, and jaded. The problem is that I let the small things piss me off so much, I fixate on them and forget all the good things in life. With a newborn, the VMH has said I need to stop this for his good, which will do BOTH of us good.

I will fixate on feeding the Good Wolf. And not much time for long rides these days, but I do play soccer twice a week. After 1.5 hours of hard running in triple digit heat...I LOVE the feeling of being too exhausted to care about the normal BS that would piss me off. I meditate on trying to find this state at all times.
Ccos says:

Sep 12 2016 at 7:43 pm

Gotta be careful about those rides to full exhaustion. If you ever have to call your VMH to pick you up from too hard an effort, it may awaken someone else's evil wolf. Those can be way more unpredictable.
Cary says:

Sep 13 2016 at 5:23 pm

@Ron

GREAT piece, Frank! I let the Bad Wolf eat too often, as I’m prone to being negative, cynical, and jaded. The problem is that I let the small things piss me off so much, I fixate on them and forget all the good things in life. With a newborn, the VMH has said I need to stop this for his good, which will do BOTH of us good.

I will fixate on feeding the Good Wolf. And not much time for long rides these days, but I do play soccer twice a week. After 1.5 hours of hard running in triple digit heat…I LOVE the feeling of being too exhausted to care about the normal BS that would piss me off. I meditate on trying to find this state at all times.

this is exactly the reason i have resumed cycling. kids don't need that in their lives. good for you!
Eric says:

Sep 13 2016 at 8:41 pm

Brilliant piece Fronck! You've captured so much of how the suffering renews us, and ultimately brings us peace in our world. It's a strange thing that few seem to appreciate, but experiencing full on heinous conditions seems to make everything after that much more sublime.

I had full on Rule 9 conditions, underdressed during a rainy N Cascades descent a week and a half ago on an empty remote road, and was pretty freaked by the initial stages of hypothermia. I eventually reached the sun down lower in the valley, where, without the truly brutal suffering moments before, could not appreciate it to the degree that I did. The good wolf had been fed!
velodeluded says:

Sep 14 2016 at 5:51 am

But I can’t always ride as much as I want or need to, and I can feel my mental state start to deteriorate. Self-doubt creeps in, unnoticed,

This.
KogaLover says:

Sep 15 2016 at 4:23 am

Someone fed the Fancy Bear yesterday... They put so-called ‘Therapeutic Use Exemptions’ (TUE) online after hacking WADA's server. Froome and Wiggins are mentioned but no skeletons.
ChrisO says:

Sep 15 2016 at 4:33 am

@KogaLover

Someone fed the Fancy Bear yesterday… They put so-called ‘Therapeutic Use Exemptions’ (TUE) online after hacking WADA’s server. Froome and Wiggins are mentioned but no skeletons.

Personally I think the whole TUE thing is massively abused in general.

But that's the system. And there's a difference between gaming the system and cheating the system.

Same as tax. You can minimise it as much as you like, within the rules. It's only when you hide or cheat that it becomes illegal.

Ethical is another question.