Waiting for the Man

Big Mig, waiting for an appointment with the Man with the Hammer.

You have three questions going through your mind:
How far to go?
How hard am I trying?
Is the pace sustainable for that distance?
If the answer is “yes”, that means you’re not trying hard enough. If it’s no, it’s too late to do anything about it. You’re looking for the answer “maybe”.

Chris Boardman, on The Hour Record, Rouleur

Cyclists, whether on the start line of a race or at the café before a group ride, are a chatty bunch. How’s your training going? The legs feeling alright? How do you like Di2? I could never go electronic, need to feel the cable, you know – need to be connected to my bike.

I wouldn’t go so far as to call it “substantive conversation”; we are more leg than brain, after all. But no matter how good the form has been, we are always worried that it has somehow left us, and worry tends to make the mouth go. Chatter distracts the mind from the doubts that should have been nagging us the last month about our training, but who only turned up about ten minutes before we arrived to the start, long after there was anything we could do about it.

The Contre la Montre, on the other hand, always shows a different rider. No matter how dominant the rider, they are always deep in thought, never chuckling, never grinning. There is no one to lighten the mood, no distracting the mind from the pain and inherent uncertainty of the body’s ability to cope with the suffering that is to come. There is an appointment with the Man with the Hammer somewhere on the road you are about to travel down; he is as unpredictable as he is ruthless.

The rider who waits on the start line of a time trial is a rider who is squaring up with the reality that no matter the state of their training, they are waiting for the man.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

RobSandy says:

Sep 8 2016 at 3:34 am

@Ron

Lining up for cross races is bad enough for my nerves; I think I’ll avoid TTs.

I like to make sure I'm almost late for the start - keeps the heart rate up and gives you a shot of adrenaline.

There's nothing like riding a TT - nowhere to hide, no excuses, just you and the road. There's a reason it's called the Race of Truth.
chris says:

Sep 8 2016 at 5:21 am

A few shots from our end of season hill climb. I didn't ride (the old refrain of I'm not in shape, next year) but instead acted as Angus' soigneur. I did partake in the tea and cake afterwards.

Warm up.

Final rise. It's not the hilliest hill climb, it is Cambridgeshire after all. There's a steep rise at the start then it drops off and flattens out before the final rise. One of our members and resident testers is also quite handy with a camera.

The good turn out from the juniors.

Fortunately this didn't turn up until we'd finished although it threaten to crush the cars parked on the farm track next to the start.
Buck Rogers says:

Sep 8 2016 at 5:38 am

Loving the Defender in that final photo!

Oh yeah, the photos of your "lean and mean" kiddo are pretty great as well! How did he fare?
chris says:

Sep 8 2016 at 6:19 am

@Buck Rogers It's drwarfed by the combine.

Stupidly impractical and uncomfortable but a Defender could well be the replacement for the current Disco.

Angus did OK but got beat by the other lad in his age group which annoyed him. He hadn't ridden the course and told me afterwards he felt he could have gone much harder. His leanness is annoying - especially when he asks me questions like "have I got a six pack?"

That first photo should have been a gif although I suspect that @frank has restricted my ability to post those after I broke the site with the infinitely recurring mini phinnies.
wiscot says:

Sep 8 2016 at 6:22 am

@chris

A few shots from our end of season hill climb. I didn’t ride (the old refrain of I’m not in shape, next year) but instead acted as Angus’ soigneur. I did partake in the tea and cake afterwards.

Warm up.

Final rise. It’s not the hilliest hill climb, it is Cambridgeshire after all. There’s a steep rise at the start then it drops off and flattens out before the final rise. One of our members and resident testers is also quite handy with a camera.

The good turn out from the juniors.

Fortunately this didn’t turn up until we’d finished although it threaten to crush the cars parked on the farm track next to the start.

End of season? In early September? Shure shome mishtake? Mid October was when things used to end . . .

The boy has form though to be sure.
Steve Trice says:

Sep 8 2016 at 6:23 am

@chris

That first photo should have been a gif although

Thanks for clarifying, I did wonder about the "snowstorm" filter effect.
chris says:

Sep 8 2016 at 6:53 am

@wiscot

End of the TT season. It would be nice if it could go on longer but in this age of H & S, the finishing time is constrained by light (and we lose it earlier than you did back in the day in Scotland). Starting time is constrained by the time people can get away from work.

Angus wanted to ride home from the event last night but he didn't have any lights on and there are a few sections of woods where it would have been too dark.
ChrisO says:

Sep 8 2016 at 7:17 am

People who have actual hills still do them in October. TTs are still going - I've got a 25 on the 18th but they are starting to wind down.

The Catford and Bec Hill Climbs are October 9 and I think the Nationals are a week or two after that.
chris says:

Sep 8 2016 at 7:22 am

@ChrisO

We are looking to move the annual hill climb to the Waitrose multistory car park. It longer, steeper, flood lit and has a huge range of cake.

Cycling is becoming more middle class after all.
chris says:

Sep 8 2016 at 7:26 am

@ChrisO

The hill climbs you mention are all on Sundays when light isn't the issue that it is on weekdays.

Besides, we're gentlemen and we don't race on Sundays.