Categories: La Vie Velominatus

Waiting for the Man

You have three questions going through your mind:
How far to go?
How hard am I trying?
Is the pace sustainable for that distance?
If the answer is “yes”, that means you’re not trying hard enough. If it’s no, it’s too late to do anything about it. You’re looking for the answer “maybe”.

Chris Boardman, on The Hour Record, Rouleur

Cyclists, whether on the start line of a race or at the café before a group ride, are a chatty bunch. How’s your training going? The legs feeling alright? How do you like Di2? I could never go electronic, need to feel the cable, you know – need to be connected to my bike. 

I wouldn’t go so far as to call it “substantive conversation”; we are more leg than brain, after all. But no matter how good the form has been, we are always worried that it has somehow left us, and worry tends to make the mouth go. Chatter distracts the mind from the doubts that should have been nagging us the last month about our training, but who only turned up about ten minutes before we arrived to the start, long after there was anything we could do about it.

The Contre la Montre, on the other hand, always shows a different rider. No matter how dominant the rider, they are always deep in thought, never chuckling, never grinning. There is no one to lighten the mood, no distracting the mind from the pain and inherent uncertainty of the body’s ability to cope with the suffering that is to come. There is an appointment with the Man with the Hammer somewhere on the road you are about to travel down; he is as unpredictable as he is ruthless.

The rider who waits on the start line of a time trial is a rider who is squaring up with the reality that no matter the state of their training, they are waiting for the man.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • @chris

    @ChrisO

    We are looking to move the annual hill climb to the Waitrose multistory car park. It longer, steeper, flood lit and has a huge range of cake.

    Cycling is becoming more middle class after all.

    If you moved it to the Iceland carpark you could practically have a closed course.

  • @chris

    @wiscot

    End of the TT season. It would be nice if it could go on longer but in this age of H & S, the finishing time is constrained by light (and we lose it earlier than you did back in the day in Scotland). Starting time is constrained by the time people can get away from work.

    Angus wanted to ride home from the event last night but he didn’t have any lights on and there are a few sections of woods where it would have been too dark.

    My apologies. I should clarify. The only TT's I remember still being held in early October (I used to go on vacation the last two weeks of Sept, before Uni started the 2nd week of October) were the Tour of the Trossachs hilly TT, and a couple of Gentleman's TTs (one in Bearsden, the other in East Kilbride). All were held on the weekend when light wasn't an issue.

    Gentlemen's Races were fun. Basically one rider had to be a "veteran" (ie, over 45; that would be me now - yikes!) and would pair up with a younger rider. Theoretically the younger rider paced the older one, but such was the longstanding rivalry between some of the vets, that they were highly competitive races. I rode a few with a fast vet from Dundee, Dave McCallum, and we shared the pacing. Unfortunately he was relatively "young" and so we got a low handicap allowance., so while we did well on actual time, we lost out on the handicap which favored the older riders.

  • @KogaLover

    @verytallguy

    The correct machine for timetrialling in the Waitrose car park

    https://www.facebook.com/overheardinwaitrose/photos/a.381735128634532.1073741828.375139409294104/560537307420979/?type=1&theater

    Pity, fails Rule #52 but if you can bring it down to a smaller bottle of max 500ml, sure, why not?

    It would seem that one of the benefits of Brexit will be the reintroduction of imperial pints of champagne. Perfect for the gentleman racer.

    Maybe, they'll also carry on producing Land Rover Defenders...

  • @chris

    It would seem that one of the benefits of Brexit will be the reintroduction of imperial pints of champagne. Perfect for the gentleman racer.

    Maybe, they’ll also carry on producing Land Rover Defenders…

    I doubt the Keepers will consider to change Rule #24 (no Imperial measurements) nor #52 (max 500ml).

    And an imperial pint of champagne is a bit of an oxymoron, isn't it?

  • @KogaLover

    @chris

    It would seem that one of the benefits of Brexit will be the reintroduction of imperial pints of champagne. Perfect for the gentleman racer.

    Maybe, they’ll also carry on producing Land Rover Defenders…

    I doubt the Keepers will consider to change Rule #24 (no Imperial measurements) nor #52 (max 500ml).

    And an imperial pint of champagne is a bit of an oxymoron, isn’t it?

    It's a tautology.

    You couldn't have a metric pint. That'd be an oxymoron.

  • @KogaLover@RobSandy, Tautology, whatever. It's a thing to use the modern parlance. They just haven't been around for a while.

    As far as I'm concerned, there are somethings that can't be governed by rule 24.

    The club 10 is not a 16.09344 km event. The same goes for it's 25, 50 and 100 mile counterparts.

    Centuries are imperial.

    And if I'm to carry a bottle of fizz around on my bike, a pint is perfect. Rule 24 covers liquids and Rule 52 states bidons are to be 500 - 610 so a pint would be within that range. Not that one would put champagne in ones bidons. We're not savages after all.

     

  • @RobSandy

    Being pedantic - but this is vital stuff - Imperial just distinguishes it from a US pint. 568ml vs 473ml.

    So a standard bottle of champagne is just shy of 4/3rds of a proper pint, but 8/5ths of a US pint.

    Apparently we upgraded our weights & measures after they left the Empire...

  • @BenH

    @RobSandy

    Being pedantic – but this is vital stuff – Imperial just distinguishes it from a US pint. 568ml vs 473ml.

    So a standard bottle of champagne is just shy of 4/3rds of a proper pint, but 8/5ths of a US pint.

    Apparently we upgraded our weights & measures after they left the Empire…

    Being pedantic, I think you mean 20 fl oz vs 16 fl oz

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