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Festum Prophetae: Waiting for the Hour

The Machine of the Hour

Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.

– Mike Tyson

The one thing everyone should always plan for is that however well-conceived a program might be, things will never go to plan.

The high level plan for my Festum Prophetae Hour Ride was as follows:

Have a custom Hour Bike built by Don Walker. Because reasons. Reasons like custom bikes are cool and last time I rode a Festum Hour, a rode an off-the-peg frame two sizes too small, plus three.
Have custom Go-Fast track wheels built by Café Roubaix. Because more reasons. Reasons like track bikes look super cool with Go-Fast wheels and Dan builds incredible wheels.
Get less fat.
Get more in shape.
Train on the track and ride rollers from May 1 onwards.

Suffice to say things did not go exactly to plan. The frame “needed” to be repainted because it got scratched by TSA coming back from NAHBS and my OCD kicked into full swing wanting to have it painted in VLVV colors. And Dan was having a hard time sourcing the hubs and rims he had spec’d for the wheels. Delays ensued. I may also have gotten distracted and lost track of the prescribed schedule and dependencies like having the frame in-hand in order to accomplish point V above. The frame made it back to me on Friday of last week and the wheels are in my flat as I write this, waiting for a final layer of glue before having the tires mounted.

I got less fat and in better shape before falling off the training wagon last week due to a tight work schedule. I quickly became more fat due to a wholesale refusal to reduce my alcohol intake to compensate for not training as hard as I should be. We call this phase of training “tapering”.

Since the bike isn’t even assembled yet, it follows that I haven’t done the time on the track, although @Haldy and I have used his crazy voodoo spreadsheet to determine a good gear choice based on my super-secret personal distance goal. As far as the rollers go, well those were sent by Keeper @Marko just as the weather started to get too good to justify riding indoors, so I’ve only spun on them a handful of times instead of the @Haldy-prescribed 2 hour sessions, twice a week. But I really couldn’t be bothered with that when I was laying down mad tanlines. (Rule #7 tends to be a priority when you live in Seattle. The struggle is real, people.)

Life is boring when things go as planned; chaos makes for interest. So here’s my new plan for tomorrow: Show up to the track early, get a feel for how fast I’m supposed to go, get used to holding the pace and get over the nearly irrepressible fear of falling off the track before diving head-first into the Pain Pool at 2:05. Try not to blow out the guns before the starter pistol goes off.

So head on down to the Jerry Baker Velodrome at 2:05 and heckle me. @Packfiller is driving over from Spokane to commentate (i.e. take the piss out of me) and we will be streaming the ride live at http://ustre.am/10hJX.

Special thanks to Don Walker, Café Roubaix’s Dan Richter, and fizik’s Nicolò Ildos for their support and sponsorship in provide the bits and pieces.

Eddy, may your strength flow through me and compensate for what a twunt I am for not Training Properly. Vive la Vie Velominatus, and may you each suffer on Festum Prophetae as the Prophet did for us.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

ChrisO says:

Jun 18 2016 at 2:13 pm

Well, while you wait for Frank's data I did my own sort-of hour today in a 25 mile TT - first time I'd done that distance.

My own plan also got punched in the mouth. As you know I am at the other pole when it comes to data and numbers, and I love riding to them. I was planning to sit on power between 320 and 330 watts and keep my HR below 160.

So about 5 or mins into the ride I looked down and saw an average of 600 watts. Now I knew I might have gone out a little hard but not that hard. Very occasionally the Powertap will spike with 40,000 watts - only for 1 second but enough to throw off all the averages. So I had live power but not average.

Then a little while later I noticed my HR consistently about 85-90. For whatever reason the wriststrap, which had worked perfectly in the warmup was now reading a totally wrong HR.

So I just had to ride off PE. In the end I averaged about 313 watts, which is probably close to plan, as it was an undulating course so there were some long downhills where it's hard to maintain full power. And a time of 58.30 which I was quite pleased by, on what's said to be a slow course.
mulebeatsdrums says:

Jun 18 2016 at 2:50 pm

@ChrisO

You're a Brit, are you not, Chris? Whereabouts was the 25 40k? I've got a few buddies from university who are REALLY big on their TTs.

@frank

We really do need to hear your total distance, big man! I did the timezone alterations and tuned in to watch the stream a perfect 24 hours late—proper Delgado.
ChrisO says:

Jun 18 2016 at 10:27 pm

@mulebeatsdrums

@ChrisO

You’re a Brit, are you not, Chris? Whereabouts was the 25 40k? I’ve got a few buddies from university who are REALLY big on their TTs.

Sort of. Aussie, but lived in London for 20+ years. I pick and choose !

TTing is a big thing here and there's quite a sub-culture from the days when mass road racing was illegal. Courses have code numbers and the idea was that you were just out for a ride on your own, with a whole load of other blokes doing the same ride at 1 minute intervals.

I know we have a kilometre rule but given the long history I think it is just right to call it a 25 not a 40.2. This one was course GS25/44 ... down near Dorking/Leith Hill way.
piwakawaka says:

Jun 19 2016 at 2:11 am

Shirley someone tuned in and has the number of laps... c'mon @frank we know how fucking hard an hour on the track is fess up! There is that rare and curious thing a V cap riding on it.
blackpooltower says:

Jun 19 2016 at 2:40 am

@ChrisO

British "10s" and "20s" have been around long enough to have their units of imperial measurement respected. *A Few Good Men voice* I'm quite certain they've earned it.
Barracuda says:

Jun 19 2016 at 2:49 am

@piwakawaka

I am, and don't call me Shirley !

40km's surely Shirley
wiscot says:

Jun 19 2016 at 6:37 am

@ChrisO

Well, while you wait for Frank’s data I did my own sort-of hour today in a 25 mile TT – first time I’d done that distance.

My own plan also got punched in the mouth. As you know I am at the other pole when it comes to data and numbers, and I love riding to them. I was planning to sit on power between 320 and 330 watts and keep my HR below 160.

So about 5 or mins into the ride I looked down and saw an average of 600 watts. Now I knew I might have gone out a little hard but not that hard. Very occasionally the Powertap will spike with 40,000 watts – only for 1 second but enough to throw off all the averages. So I had live power but not average.

Then a little while later I noticed my HR consistently about 85-90. For whatever reason the wriststrap, which had worked perfectly in the warmup was now reading a totally wrong HR.

So I just had to ride off PE. In the end I averaged about 313 watts, which is probably close to plan, as it was an undulating course so there were some long downhills where it’s hard to maintain full power. And a time of 58.30 which I was quite pleased by, on what’s said to be a slow course.

58.30 for your first 25? Congratulations! That's a fine effort. Now you have a benchmark for the many more to come.
Dave says:

Jun 19 2016 at 7:13 am

Congrats to Frank for all the hard and inspiring work! Certainly a worthy event, though it would be good to know the final distance. Unfortunately folks who tuned in do not have the count. We were looking at the back of the lap counter, and the video was cut before the end, to move the camera and record the finish from a different angle. The actual distance was probably a bit short of 40K. I remember hearing lap splits around 38 seconds.

Pretty sure that's faster than I could do. Most comparable I have is a couple hour runs around loop roads on a standard road bike. One was the Furman Grand Boulevard, which is about 1.5K around. Another was the Jekyll Island perimeter road - about 10K per circuit. Came out around 35K for both efforts.
mulebeatsdrums says:

Jun 19 2016 at 11:31 am

@ChrisO

@mulebeatsdrums

@ChrisO

You’re a Brit, are you not, Chris? Whereabouts was the 25 40k? I’ve got a few buddies from university who are REALLY big on their TTs.

Sort of. Aussie, but lived in London for 20+ years. I pick and choose !

TTing is a big thing here and there’s quite a sub-culture from the days when mass road racing was illegal. Courses have code numbers and the idea was that you were just out for a ride on your own, with a whole load of other blokes doing the same ride at 1 minute intervals.

I know we have a kilometre rule but given the long history I think it is just right to call it a 25 not a 40.2. This one was course GS25/44 … down near Dorking/Leith Hill way.

Oh, I'm well aware of the history! I love the idea of two old-timey plods sitting there saying "'ello 'ello 'ello! There's an awful lot of gentlemen on velocipedes riding in this direction at regular intervals… lovely day for it!" and carrying on without thinking it suspicious!

I went to the University of Surrey, so GS25/44 is not far from my old stomping ground. The university club used the HCC123A course just north of Guildford for TTs and midweek runs.

Alas I'm London-based at the moment and don't get down there as much as I'd like.
fenlander says:

Jun 19 2016 at 12:02 pm

Chapeau Frank-take it some bloke with a blunt instrument was hovering around.