Festum Prophetae: Waiting for the Hour
Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.
– Mike Tyson
The one thing everyone should always plan for is that however well-conceived a program might be, things will never go to plan.
The high level plan for my Festum Prophetae Hour Ride was as follows:
- Have a custom Hour Bike built by Don Walker. Because reasons. Reasons like custom bikes are cool and last time I rode a Festum Hour, a rode an off-the-peg frame two sizes too small, plus three.
- Have custom Go-Fast track wheels built by Café Roubaix. Because more reasons. Reasons like track bikes look super cool with Go-Fast wheels and Dan builds incredible wheels.
- Get less fat.
- Get more in shape.
- Train on the track and ride rollers from May 1 onwards.
Suffice to say things did not go exactly to plan. The frame “needed” to be repainted because it got scratched by TSA coming back from NAHBS and my OCD kicked into full swing wanting to have it painted in VLVV colors. And Dan was having a hard time sourcing the hubs and rims he had spec’d for the wheels. Delays ensued. I may also have gotten distracted and lost track of the prescribed schedule and dependencies like having the frame in-hand in order to accomplish point V above. The frame made it back to me on Friday of last week and the wheels are in my flat as I write this, waiting for a final layer of glue before having the tires mounted.
I got less fat and in better shape before falling off the training wagon last week due to a tight work schedule. I quickly became more fat due to a wholesale refusal to reduce my alcohol intake to compensate for not training as hard as I should be. We call this phase of training “tapering”.
Since the bike isn’t even assembled yet, it follows that I haven’t done the time on the track, although @Haldy and I have used his crazy voodoo spreadsheet to determine a good gear choice based on my super-secret personal distance goal. As far as the rollers go, well those were sent by Keeper @Marko just as the weather started to get too good to justify riding indoors, so I’ve only spun on them a handful of times instead of the @Haldy-prescribed 2 hour sessions, twice a week. But I really couldn’t be bothered with that when I was laying down mad tanlines. (Rule #7 tends to be a priority when you live in Seattle. The struggle is real, people.)
Life is boring when things go as planned; chaos makes for interest. So here’s my new plan for tomorrow: Show up to the track early, get a feel for how fast I’m supposed to go, get used to holding the pace and get over the nearly irrepressible fear of falling off the track before diving head-first into the Pain Pool at 2:05. Try not to blow out the guns before the starter pistol goes off.
So head on down to the Jerry Baker Velodrome at 2:05 and heckle me. @Packfiller is driving over from Spokane to commentate (i.e. take the piss out of me) and we will be streaming the ride live at http://ustre.am/10hJX.
Special thanks to Don Walker, Café Roubaix’s Dan Richter, and fizik’s Nicolò Ildos for their support and sponsorship in provide the bits and pieces.
Eddy, may your strength flow through me and compensate for what a twunt I am for not Training Properly. Vive la Vie Velominatus, and may you each suffer on Festum Prophetae as the Prophet did for us.
The Machine of the Hour
Happy Suffering, Frank!
Fucking best quote of life! I fucking love that quote by Tyson!!!
Holds true on the track, going into finals or rolling into Sadr City at 0200!!!
Team Frahnk, FUCK YEAH!!!
Giddy up,
plans, who needs plans, plans are for when winging it fails.
Like fixing shit, instructions are to be read as a last resort.
Get that link to live feed sorted @frank
Game on, Oh and that secret number you are looking for is 40.
Cheers
track is at least twice as hard as road, so don’t do too many laps before 2.05, at least your bike will look fantastic…
May the Vorce be with you Frank.
For those who are used to countries where people drive on the right side of the road and where distances and temperatures are expressed in km’s and degrees Celsius, it appears there’s a 9 hours time difference between Redmond and Continental Europe, so Frank should still have enough time to post the link. My super secret number for him would be 44’347m.
The Prophet reading Rule #6 to you.
Have a great hour @frank! Have a great Birthday Eddy!
Best of luck, Frank!
What a beautiful machine! That bike appears to be going fast in the still photo.
Happy suffering Frank!
and Happy Birthday Eddy!
Go Frank!
Happy Festum Prophetae – may your mighty howitzers fire for the full hour and may General Relativity be tested by your awesome speed…
Tear it up!!
Love the bike. Love that concept of tapering. I’m very familiar. Love the crazy idea. Best of luck @frank
Let my first message in almost 2 years be one of Happy Festum Prophetae and bloody good luck!
Good luck! And remember, Obree chucked his first attempt and then showed up again the very next day and asked the timekeeper “Are you ready?”
You’re as ready as you need to be.
Happy Festum and good luck, @Frank!
Shouldn’t Frank be on the track about now?
@RobSandy
It’s only 8:30 in Seattle, but I’ll be on the track in about two hours to start warming up. The ride starts in 6.5 hours.
The live stream is going to be here: http://ustre.am/10hJX
Thanks to @G’rilla for setting it all up!
Oh man, best of luck!
Only going to be able to fit in my commute ride today, but I did wear my V-jersey!!
@frank
Forgive me for being fucking stupid.
Nailed it! This will now be my go to excuse, verbatim, for most of the bike related problems I encounter.
It’s a perfect day for suffering here in the PNW; it appears that even if the TSA isn’t on your side, the weather gods certainly are.
VLVV Frank.
Shit Gets Real! ( copyright @brett )
It’s just an hour…who can’t ride for an hour?
Just about go time!
Godspeed, Frank!
Good speed and Godspeed !!
Bon Chance, Frahnk! We’re all counting on you!
Frank- best of luck, pick a mantra and stick with it-
Like your favorite AC/DC song.
The bike looks awesome- my TK2 bows to its awesomeness.
I look forward to the updates and result, most will never step up to such a challenge- good on you for putting out there and swinging your leg over the top tube.
Our local velodrome just started a one hour challenge….hmmmmmm
Take care all
May your ride be as fast as that bike looks. Now that you’re on a first name basis with Eddy, you can be certain he will be checking the livestream…remember that when you’re out there!
All set at the track; bike is a masterpiece, gear size selected. Rider appears to show some signs of weakness.
@Frank
Great looking bike. Just remember, take a page out of the Little Tommy Voekler handbook: be aware of the whereabouts of all cameras at all times. Be prepared to look fast when said cameras are operating, regardless of actual machine velocity.
@fignons barber
Sage advice my friend!
@Gianni
Exactly, right? The Prophet is so fast he can do an hour in 55 minutes flat.
Enjoy the Pain Cave, @frank. Hope you brought your flashlight. Getting close to start time, woohoo!
Is it a 400m track? If so I know more or less Frank’s speed and therefore his schedule.
Go Frank!
Lap ~35, only 70 more to go. Hope he beats that rainstorm.
@Owen
Good pain face!
He keeps looking down. Can’t catch his full whale shark. But it’s proper raining with 10 minutes to go. Proper Belgian racing.
Bummer!!! Farkin rain!
Should have put the fenders on.
What’s your name, son? Texas.
Nice job, @frank! Good practice for your full attempt. May the Prophet’s benevolence be upon you.
Well? What’s the data here? How many kilometers did Frank ride in an hour?
Proper observance of the Recovery Ale protocol, I see. Solid work, Frank!
@Gianni
He was so fucking fast that he rode the hour in 53 minutes.
@Owen
@frank put in a solid effort!! He kept trying to will the bike forward…I am intimately familiar with that hanging on the rail feel….the pic of me slumped against it is from the aftermath of the 100 lap race at the Marymoor Gran Prix 2 years ago!
Nice effort!
But with regard to headwear, a Synthe? You should have gone with the more aero Bonty Ballista. You would have covered 2 more km over the hour. It says so right on the box.
…….plus it has plenty of space to sell advertising.
@Gianni
This. Come on, we need the proof of the suffering.