Categories: La Vie VelominatusLook ProRantings from the V-BunkerThe Bikes

Festum Prophetae: Waiting for the Hour

The Machine of the Hour

Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.

– Mike Tyson

The one thing everyone should always plan for is that however well-conceived a program might be, things will never go to plan.

The high level plan for my Festum Prophetae Hour Ride was as follows:

Have a custom Hour Bike built by Don Walker. Because reasons. Reasons like custom bikes are cool and last time I rode a Festum Hour, a rode an off-the-peg frame two sizes too small, plus three.
Have custom Go-Fast track wheels built by Café Roubaix. Because more reasons. Reasons like track bikes look super cool with Go-Fast wheels and Dan builds incredible wheels.
Get less fat.
Get more in shape.
Train on the track and ride rollers from May 1 onwards.

Suffice to say things did not go exactly to plan. The frame “needed” to be repainted because it got scratched by TSA coming back from NAHBS and my OCD kicked into full swing wanting to have it painted in VLVV colors. And Dan was having a hard time sourcing the hubs and rims he had spec’d for the wheels. Delays ensued. I may also have gotten distracted and lost track of the prescribed schedule and dependencies like having the frame in-hand in order to accomplish point V above. The frame made it back to me on Friday of last week and the wheels are in my flat as I write this, waiting for a final layer of glue before having the tires mounted.

I got less fat and in better shape before falling off the training wagon last week due to a tight work schedule. I quickly became more fat due to a wholesale refusal to reduce my alcohol intake to compensate for not training as hard as I should be. We call this phase of training “tapering”.

Since the bike isn’t even assembled yet, it follows that I haven’t done the time on the track, although @Haldy and I have used his crazy voodoo spreadsheet to determine a good gear choice based on my super-secret personal distance goal. As far as the rollers go, well those were sent by Keeper @Marko just as the weather started to get too good to justify riding indoors, so I’ve only spun on them a handful of times instead of the @Haldy-prescribed 2 hour sessions, twice a week. But I really couldn’t be bothered with that when I was laying down mad tanlines. (Rule #7 tends to be a priority when you live in Seattle. The struggle is real, people.)

Life is boring when things go as planned; chaos makes for interest. So here’s my new plan for tomorrow: Show up to the track early, get a feel for how fast I’m supposed to go, get used to holding the pace and get over the nearly irrepressible fear of falling off the track before diving head-first into the Pain Pool at 2:05. Try not to blow out the guns before the starter pistol goes off.

So head on down to the Jerry Baker Velodrome at 2:05 and heckle me. @Packfiller is driving over from Spokane to commentate (i.e. take the piss out of me) and we will be streaming the ride live at http://ustre.am/10hJX.

Special thanks to Don Walker, Café Roubaix’s Dan Richter, and fizik’s Nicolò Ildos for their support and sponsorship in provide the bits and pieces.

Eddy, may your strength flow through me and compensate for what a twunt I am for not Training Properly. Vive la Vie Velominatus, and may you each suffer on Festum Prophetae as the Prophet did for us.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

Next On Rule #28: The Case for Black Socks »

Previous « Anatomy Of A Photo: The Battle Of The 13th Bunker

View Comments

RobSandy says:

Jun 19 2016 at 2:03 pm

@ChrisO

I've done a bunch of TT's this season and without fail my Garmin chooses the first few kms to play up -either not giving me a decent reading of HR or speed so I've got no way to judge my effort.

I like to think I'm pretty good at pacing but I keep going off to fast - finding myself short of breath before my legs hurt or before I'm anywhere near threshold HR.

Mind you, just got back from my own Hour at Maindy, aimed for 40kms, rode at bang on 40kph for an hour, did 40.1kms in the Hour in the end. Felt great!
wiscot says:

Jun 20 2016 at 7:43 am

@RobSandy

@ChrisO

I’ve done a bunch of TT’s this season and without fail my Garmin chooses the first few kms to play up -either not giving me a decent reading of HR or speed so I’ve got no way to judge my effort.

I like to think I’m pretty good at pacing but I keep going off to fast – finding myself short of breath before my legs hurt or before I’m anywhere near threshold HR.

Mind you, just got back from my own Hour at Maindy, aimed for 40kms, rode at bang on 40kph for an hour, did 40.1kms in the Hour in the end. Felt great!

What kind of warm up do you do? When I rode in the 80s, I'd probably do 7-8 miles of warm up even for a 10. This was all pre-computer days, so you just had to make sure you arrived at the line on time and then reply on the timekeeper. Try a TT sans Garmin. Just focus on the effort, not what wee numbers are in front of you. Embrace the purity!
frank says:

Jun 20 2016 at 3:54 pm

@RobSandy

@Gianni

Well? What’s the data here? How many kilometers did Frank ride in an hour?

This. Come on, we need the proof of the suffering.

I actually don't have the numbers; I had to stop at 50 min due to rain and never heard what the distance, time, or laps were leading up to it.

I'll be riding it again in a week or two, and hopefully chose a day with better weather!
frank says:

Jun 20 2016 at 3:58 pm

@Dave

Congrats to Frank for all the hard and inspiring work! Certainly a worthy event, though it would be good to know the final distance. Unfortunately folks who tuned in do not have the count. We were looking at the back of the lap counter, and the video was cut before the end, to move the camera and record the finish from a different angle. The actual distance was probably a bit short of 40K. I remember hearing lap splits around 38 seconds.

Pretty sure that’s faster than I could do. Most comparable I have is a couple hour runs around loop roads on a standard road bike. One was the Furman Grand Boulevard, which is about 1.5K around. Another was the Jekyll Island perimeter road – about 10K per circuit. Came out around 35K for both efforts.

The difference between a road bike and track bike is staggering. The fact that you can't switch gear to rest the legs even for a moment is remarkable. The wind was brutal as well; scrubbing precious speed that seemed harder to pick back up when the wind was at my back that it was to lose when riding into the wind.

The guns feel incredible, however, and the stroke magnificent. The fixed-gear bike is an entirely strange beast. More time will be spent on the track.
Marcus says:

Jun 20 2016 at 5:48 pm

@frank

I had to stop at 50 min due to rain

It's like I don't even know you anymore.
Dave says:

Jun 20 2016 at 6:04 pm

So true about wind! My weekend destinations are often chosen by wind forecast. Low early morning head winds on the way out; rising late morning tail wind aided return.

Have never been on a track bike but can kinda relate, having ridden single speed MB for many years before finally tiring of rarely having the right gear, and changing it to 1x10 last year.

I look forward to hearing about your follow-up hour efforts!
litvi says:

Jun 20 2016 at 10:10 pm

@Marcus

@frank

I had to stop at 50 min due to rain

It’s like I don’t even know you anymore.

Truthfully, @Marcus, he didn't stop because of the rain. He got lost.
RobSandy says:

Jun 21 2016 at 12:32 am

@frank

@RobSandy

@Gianni

Well? What’s the data here? How many kilometers did Frank ride in an hour?

This. Come on, we need the proof of the suffering.

I actually don’t have the numbers; I had to stop at 50 min due to rain and never heard what the distance, time, or laps were leading up to it.

I’ll be riding it again in a week or two, and hopefully chose a day with better weather!

I didn't want to have to do this but you've forced my hand. I rode my Hour in pouring rain and blustery winds, for the whole time. I'm claiming a Rule #9 Hour.
RobSandy says:

Jun 21 2016 at 12:34 am

@frank

@Dave

Congrats to Frank for all the hard and inspiring work! Certainly a worthy event, though it would be good to know the final distance. Unfortunately folks who tuned in do not have the count. We were looking at the back of the lap counter, and the video was cut before the end, to move the camera and record the finish from a different angle. The actual distance was probably a bit short of 40K. I remember hearing lap splits around 38 seconds.

Pretty sure that’s faster than I could do. Most comparable I have is a couple hour runs around loop roads on a standard road bike. One was the Furman Grand Boulevard, which is about 1.5K around. Another was the Jekyll Island perimeter road – about 10K per circuit. Came out around 35K for both efforts.

The difference between a road bike and track bike is staggering. The fact that you can’t switch gear to rest the legs even for a moment is remarkable. The wind was brutal as well; scrubbing precious speed that seemed harder to pick back up when the wind was at my back that it was to lose when riding into the wind.

The guns feel incredible, however, and the stroke magnificent. The fixed-gear bike is an entirely strange beast. More time will be spent on the track.

I would very much like to try this on a track bike now. I imagine great care must be taken in choosing your gear - if you're over-ambitious you're very quickly going to tire and not going to be able to push the pedals round.

I rode in my 52x14, so I'd want that sort of ratio again.
chris says:

Jun 21 2016 at 4:49 am

@frank

I’ll be riding it again in a week or two, and hopefully chose a day with better weather!

In that case you'll need every little bit of help you can get.

You could try this.

Just be careful with the doses.

"I didn’t know if I was going to break a world record or shit my pants!"