Riding a bicycle involves much more than just pushing the pedals around in a perfect sweep of muscular elegance while Looking Fantastic at all times. There are all sorts of soft skills involved like learning to shift properly, learning to corner properly, learning to crash properly, learning to criticize a fellow rider’s puncture-repair technique, learning to chide a struggling rider in a language you don’t speak, and learning to drink from your bidon1 while in full flight.
One of the cornerstones of being Casually Deliberate is the art of gracefully sipping from your bidon while riding butt-to-check-to-shoulder-to-elbow in the bunch at 50 kmph or while suffering on the wheels in the gutter. Ain’t no one gonna wait for your sissy ass while you ask everyone to slow down because you’re a bit parched. Whats worse is having to look down and take your eyes off the road and the rider in front of you as your hand flails about in search of the bidon.
To drink from a bidon is to sip from it in a graceful and fluid manner while maintaining direction and speed without making an embarrassing faux pas such as looking down at your hand as you reach for it, not holding your line, slowing down, allowing a bit of precious fluid to escape somewhere other than into your mouth, or – Merckx forbid – dropping it. Just like the art of sensing what gear you’re in or being aware that your tires are about to slip while cornering or climbing, we must learn to retrieve our bidon from its cage, take a drink, and return it without your eyes ever leaving the road or rider in front of you or swerving.
On the rivet, one must also learn to drink in a manner that allows for breathing while avoiding the aspiration of fluid, resulting in what Science calls “choking”. There is no set technique for this; for me I usually drink in frequent small sips, but I will also chug in massive bursts of bidon-crushing squeezes when the occasion calls for it.
As for whether one is to grab the bidon upside down or rightside up, I grab mine rightside up but the population appears to divided along what I call the “Hamburger Divide”. This divide is defined by the inexplicable tendency for people to flip their hamburgers over and lay them upside down on their plate, twisting their hands around, and flipping the burger over during its journey to the mouth where it is (hopefully) eaten. This technique seems woefully rife with superfluous movements. Nevertheless, preliminary survey data suggests that those individuals who eat their burgers this way also grab their bidon upside down. Admittedly, Jan Ullrich made drinking from a bidon in this fashion look hella tough, so I’m not about to impose a new Rule insisting on its abolishment. I’m also betting he made eating a hamburger look pretty awesome, mostly because everything he did was art.
1Pronounce it correctly: bee’ don
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View Comments
@Gianni
I would love be present during the discussion between the two of you over bidon cage placement. I'm sure this is a never-ending argument with no true winner, since you both have your minds made up.
@frank
Phinney the Elder had "waiting for the start" down to a science too.
@Gianni
Holy fuck, it's only two days away! I completely lost track of time on this one, with V Vth coming. I could bus or train right on up to that crummy little island for the event...
@Gianni
Such a badass photo and I am moving your bidon into the right cage for Saturday's Rapha ride in NYC.
@ryecycle
Fair play. The original still looks goofy if you ask me. If we were riding together, I might have to give you some shit for that. Granted, you'd probably crush me on the next hill, but still.
@Ccos
Yes, he was. As @Gianni says, if Figgles did it, then it was mucho Pro.
Love this shot too, although I can't understand why he'd be on Canti's on a mountain stage.
@Ron
No more talk. Make it happen.
@frank
Ran out of spare bikes, and broke out a training bike? There is no race number on the bike he's riding....
@Haldy
Because they were lighter and better than the Campagnolo Deltas the other riders are using?
@wiscot
In which case he still could be using the standard calipers, since they still made them? I still think it is some sort of back up bike since it doesn't have a race number on it and he had some sort of mechanical prior to this point of the race.