Riding a bicycle involves much more than just pushing the pedals around in a perfect sweep of muscular elegance while Looking Fantastic at all times. There are all sorts of soft skills involved like learning to shift properly, learning to corner properly, learning to crash properly, learning to criticize a fellow rider’s puncture-repair technique, learning to chide a struggling rider in a language you don’t speak, and learning to drink from your bidon1 while in full flight.
One of the cornerstones of being Casually Deliberate is the art of gracefully sipping from your bidon while riding butt-to-check-to-shoulder-to-elbow in the bunch at 50 kmph or while suffering on the wheels in the gutter. Ain’t no one gonna wait for your sissy ass while you ask everyone to slow down because you’re a bit parched. Whats worse is having to look down and take your eyes off the road and the rider in front of you as your hand flails about in search of the bidon.
To drink from a bidon is to sip from it in a graceful and fluid manner while maintaining direction and speed without making an embarrassing faux pas such as looking down at your hand as you reach for it, not holding your line, slowing down, allowing a bit of precious fluid to escape somewhere other than into your mouth, or – Merckx forbid – dropping it. Just like the art of sensing what gear you’re in or being aware that your tires are about to slip while cornering or climbing, we must learn to retrieve our bidon from its cage, take a drink, and return it without your eyes ever leaving the road or rider in front of you or swerving.
On the rivet, one must also learn to drink in a manner that allows for breathing while avoiding the aspiration of fluid, resulting in what Science calls “choking”. There is no set technique for this; for me I usually drink in frequent small sips, but I will also chug in massive bursts of bidon-crushing squeezes when the occasion calls for it.
As for whether one is to grab the bidon upside down or rightside up, I grab mine rightside up but the population appears to divided along what I call the “Hamburger Divide”. This divide is defined by the inexplicable tendency for people to flip their hamburgers over and lay them upside down on their plate, twisting their hands around, and flipping the burger over during its journey to the mouth where it is (hopefully) eaten. This technique seems woefully rife with superfluous movements. Nevertheless, preliminary survey data suggests that those individuals who eat their burgers this way also grab their bidon upside down. Admittedly, Jan Ullrich made drinking from a bidon in this fashion look hella tough, so I’m not about to impose a new Rule insisting on its abolishment. I’m also betting he made eating a hamburger look pretty awesome, mostly because everything he did was art.
1Pronounce it correctly: bee’ don
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@bici
Great point! Jeeeezhus, look at those (compression???) socks. Man, I cannot get behind Mini-Phinney. I just cannot stand the guy. Not even sure why? Must be all the "fashion" photos of him that come out where he looks like a Justin Bieber wannabe.
I remember watching Laurent Fignon (in his Chateau d'Ax-Gatorade kit) soloing away in a Tour stage, in the mountains. Everytime he went for the bidon he held it the same way; hand underneath, palm up, pinky finger closest to face. It looked so pro I assumed that was how it should be done and how I've always done it since. And even though it drives Frank nuts, if I have one bottle on my bike, I have in the seat-post cage.
Wow, I'm really not feeling the silver & green Empires & black stockings, especially not with BMC team kit. I originally thought there was a typo in the caption, but on second thoughts it may have been judicious:
@Gianni
WHAT A PHOTO!!! Fuckin perfect! Man, I will always be reliving the glory days of my junior high/high school years of racing in the late '80's to early '90's. I have not seen this photo before. Beautiful. Man, I still respect the hell out of Le Professeur. Pure class, all the time.
@Gianni
The aero guys say it's better in the seat post cage, in opposition to the style guys. Some would argue then, it depends upon who you're with (who's gonna do the yelling). For the single cage set up, I opt for style. For the double, I drink as you describe. Can't usually be troubled to switch them out and being able to drink from either one hones your soft skills.
Le Professor was the man. Fantastic photo.
Yeah, if both bottles contain the same beverage, I swap'em using the teeth on nipple method. Kudos on that Fignon shot, loved that guy.
@Gianni
I'm not sure if anyone is in front of him in this picture, but if there is, the look on his face tells me he is going to chase them down, rip their legs off, and eat them while descending...
Unlike the photo of Phinney, there are too many things wrong.... moon walkers, the clashing of different decades while wearing knee highs.... blah,
@Haldy, @KW -
I had concerns about the picture overall, but then I realized they would spark conversation.Agreed on the Rule 37 violation, but had to be done to show side-mouth drink.
And I just spent at least 5 minutes looking at baby goat images. Poor form: not a side-mouth drinker among them, all straight on.
Racing Masters sometimes you get newb's in the bunch (when races are not split according to Cat, just age) that can't seem to manage pulling out a bidon, taking a swig, and putting it back without looking down. Gets all squirrely. Proper removal and return of the bidon should be practiced over n over till it's just second nature. It looks Pro, and it keeps everyone around you safe.
That, or you get your buddies to stand at points along the route and just throw it at your face.
@ryecycle
Can't imagine that searching "Goat sucking nipple" at work yielded any interesting IT violations at all, eh?