Look Pro: Flandrian Best
To Look Pro is to strive to Look Fantastic and to be at our ease on a bicycle. It is to walk the line between form and function and is based entirely on the premise that the professional peloton is far more experienced in this endeavour than we shall ever be. Their lessons speak through their actions on the bike, serving as a beacon to provide us the opportunity to learn from their mistakes and triumphs. But this is a dangerous game; being a Pro does not mean one Looks Fantastic. Because of the Commutative Property of Looking Pro, Looking Fantastic does not mean you Look Pro. The Pros are our inspiration, but care must be taken to choose your muse wisely.
Looking Pro in good weather is an simple matter; bibs, jersey, (white) socks, shoes, and helmet. Tan your guns, match your kit properly, and get on with it. But when the chill sets in and layers are added, the matter becomes quite complicated quite quickly. Rule #21 and Good Taste dictate that we dress in our Flandrian Best; we don knickers or knee warmers, gillets, arm warmers, Belgian Booties or shoe covers, slip caps beneath our helmets, and hope to encounter some good old-fashioned gritty roads.
The preference for knee warmers over tights distills down to one elemental fact: no matter how one might try to disguise them, tights are simply not an attractive garment. Not on cyclists. Not on skiers. Not on overweight women at the market. Not on fit women at the Yoga studio. Not on runners, not on swimmers. Not in a box, not on a fox.
As is customary, I will leverage the powers of photography to illustrate my point. A casual glance at this particular photo shows a collection of proper hardmen rattling over the muddy cobbles of Omloop Het Nieuwsblad. It is plainly obvious that perennial hardman Tomeke Boonen was suffering from some kind of mental trauma, as he chose to don full tights rather than his usual knee warmers. These actions are not without their consequence, and you can plainly see he is ill at ease and destined to perform below his best for the remainder of the season. Eddy Boasson Hagen, in the blurry distance, suffered a similar fate and it took him until July to recover from his mistake. Boonen wasn’t so lucky, presumably because such an offense holds greater punishment for actual Flandrians as opposed to étrangers.
Then we have the others. Thor Hushovd, Lars Boom, and Philipe Gilbert all have two things in common: they all Look Fantastic, and they’re all dressed in their Flandrian Best. Hushovd has obviously already taken the safety off the howitzers, while Gilbert, if I’m not mistaken, is smirking – apparently at Boonen’s choice. Boom’s face can’t be read, but his posture is that of a Dutchman with intense Belgian aspirations.
When making decisions about how to dress for the cold and wet, keep the following points in mind.
- Layering offers maximum versatility; forgo jackets and tights for the flexibility of arm and knee warmers which can be pulled up or down, and gillets which can be unzipped or doffed and tucked under your pockets. It is also to be noted that your Flandrian Best should always be close-fitting. Belgian Booties and shoe covers are to fit tightly over the shoe; gloves are to be tight and sleek. (Sorry, Lobster claws, despite your utility, there is no place for you in a rider’s Flandrian Best.)
- Knee warmers are employed to keep the knees warm and protected from the cold, while at the same time allowing the shins to breathe like a fine bottle of wine after uncorking the magnums.
- Maintain order; if it’s cold enough for knee warmers, it’s cold enough for arm warmers. First come arm warmers, then knee warmers.
- While cycling caps may be worn in a variety of conditions for a variety of reasons, cotton cycling caps are to be worn under helmets any time the rain falls or knee warmers are deployed for use. In extreme cold conditions, a winter cycling cap may be considered. Skull caps, due in large part to their condom-like appearance, are to be avoided at all costs.
- Tights are to be avoided whenever possible. If, due to some kind of genetic shortcoming, you find that you simply must wear full-length tights, ensure that they are are straight-ankled and not stirrups. (We’re Cyclists, not dancers.)
@wrench
Na, skin cancer is a perfectly good reason to wear a cap. Bretto does it, too – hence the statement, “While cycling caps may be worn in a variety of conditions for a variety of reasons”.
You’re good, mate. We wouldn’t want you to get a melanoma and then win the VSP in your recovery.
@paolo
The short answer is, FUCK NO. The more complicated answer is, well – I’ve seen Gianni pull it off, so I’m suspect that it might be acceptable given the above criteria.
The sweatbands are handy, especially in the heat, but too ugly to be appropriate. I cut mine down and velcro’d it inside my MTB helmet. You can’t see it and it still keeps the sweat out of your eyes. I’m a fuckin’ genius, though. I wouldn’t expect others to come up with such wildly brilliant plan.
@girl, @paolo
I beg to differ. They are exempt from looking like Pro Road Cyclists, but they are not exempt from Looking Fantastic. Just because you have to ride in your speedo doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try hard to look good doing it.
@RedRanger
The color is garish, but those are Open Pavés and the Hardman’s Second Choice (after FMB P-R’s, equally garishly colored); provided you’re riding on the cobbles (which Thor is) you are allowed to ride them with no Rule #8 Demerits.
@Oli
All good. It’s a cycling cap. You can do anything with those and still be good. Even cut the top open and turn it into a visor.
@Pedale.Forchetta
It doesn’t count when it’s you behind the camera. You can make anything look good.
it should noted that Pros wear long leg warmers pre-race start to keep warmed up. I think that’s what we’re seeing, though I admit these do not look bad.
@Pedale.Forchetta
It should also be noted that the key difference between Boonen’s wearing of the tights versus your rider is that the socks are pulled OVER the leggings, whereas Boonen pulled the tights over his overshoes, which is just wrong, wrong wrong.
Very disappointing – Boonen is normally such a beacon of style. I’ll repeat my warning: tread carefully, even the most reliable aesthetes make mistakes from time to time.
@RedRanger
It’s a fucking good tire though especially for the current season-tubular only I will add.In terms of color Boonen tire looks better IMO.Lime green in the middle and black side walls.
@ All. I never metioned a headband or a sweatband. Not once. I’m saying some of those skull caps have a little one built in. The only person on a bike who could wear a head/sweat band was The Professure.
( ps I would go with the cap but they can be too hot. I have seen the cap backwards with the brim pointing out of the back which I am sure is all kinds of wrong but it actually looked good).
I mean with a helmet and the brim of the cap pointing out of the back of the helmet…Actually now I think about it that should be quiet acceptable. Hmmm maybe I should ditch the skull cap.
@Souleur
My Pearl Izumi knee warmers are ALWAYS falling down! Drives me crazy! I know one way to fix this is to get bigger guns but, at least for now, they are nothing but an irritant and I just go with the knickers. Never seemed to (purposefully) remove them anyways on cold rides. Arm warmers I pull down onto the wrists but the knee warmers, once on, and if they’ll stay up, always are left in place for the ride. Hate stopping to remove them. Disrupts the whole rhyth of the rid ein my opinion.
@frank
They are called Speedos not Speedo – just another Australian story.
But calling them budgie smugglers is funnier.
For me, form follows functionality. That which is simple almost always performs best. When layers are called for, the warmers are the way to go. I also find a simple rain jacket at least as versitle as a gillet, so I go with the former.
However, when the ride will be long in the cold, and never forecast to be in the shorts category, I go with tights. Yes, they look gross, but I am secure enough in my passion to know that when comfortable, I rider better, harder and further. Tights functionality is unquestionable, and are better at keeping cold away than warmers in certain conditions. Thus, one is able to Dish More V when comfortable. And push comes to shove: Dishing the merckxdamn V is it. And heed the Badger: don’t bitch about it either.
@paolo
I assumed you meant one of these: http://store.haloheadband.com/SKULL_CAPS_s/11.htm
What I was referring to using myself was the halo sweatband that I sliced up.
@Buck Rogers, @Souleur
I prefer the Defeet Kneekers. Awesome.
@frank
@TommyTubolare
thanks for the education on the tubs.
@frank
Beat me to it. The Paves look odd in this photo due to the photoflash or something. Nothing at all wrong with riding them in the right (i.e., Rule #9, cobbles) conditions.
@paolo
I’m in Long Beach, the most bike-friendly city in the nation (at least, that’s what the signs say).
Damn, that lead photo is awesome! Tons of PRO looking PROs in that one.
Pedale – What a photo as well. That’s an awesome shot! Don’t understand how he can be wearing summer-weight socks when leg warmers are needed, but maybe his feet are furnaces.
It’s been so warm here this winter that I haven’t even had to wear my Roubaix knickers yet. Just wool knee warmers (Kneekers) and bib shorts. I have a pair of tights that I truly hate & refuse to wear. Calves be damned, I’m never pulling on tights again. They always feel as if they are falling down. Who wants to ride and constantly be tugging at your britches? No me.
It’s a rare man who can look good in all conditions, but I strive for it nonetheless.
@frank
Yeah thats what I thought you meant. I use a halo when mtn biking. On the road bike I use one of these http://www.pacesportswear.com/196501.aspx
@paolo
I’ve never had problems with knee warmers falling down — good experiences with Capo and Rapha.
I will also add, as no one else has mentioned it: Big fan of ditching the knee warmers in the cool and damp in favor of a nice layer of embro and thermal (e.g. Roubaix lined) bibshorts. Soggy knee warmers are worse than useless.
Arm warmers on the other hand are a problem for me, although I use them a lot. My arms are on the grimpeurish side so the warmers are too wide at the top and don’t stay all the way up. Anyone have a recommendation?
@Nate
Lime green side walls do not blend well with dark mavic rims.
@doubleR
Ha ha yeah I know what a joke that is mate. Dead friendly in the LB with the emphasis on dead. I work near there at one of those huge oil refineries near the docks. Sgt is hoping to organize a cogal sometime in Spring of 2012 hopefully we can all meet up.
@Nate
My skinny ass mate is 5ft 9ins and 130lbs ( sorry chaps I can’t be arsed to convert). He had the same problem with the arm warmers until he discovered Cappo! Either small or xs not sure. But they stay up!
@paolo
I work in the port myself, probably just a few miles from you as I write this. Yeah, a SoCal Cogal next year would be way cool…..
@Frank
Open Paves are clinchers.Those are just Paves.
@paolo
Some headbands to consider:
I tend to agree with most of the points here- in fact, in cooler or wet weather, I tend to forgo the knee warmers, and just stick to bibs with a long-sleeve jersey. I’m pretty impervious to cold, and I kind of like the sting of cold air/rain on the guns.
However, where I live it was -10 degrees on Sunday morning, and climbed up to a balmy -5 without the windchill. In those situations, you’re really not going to be dropping layers, so I tend to go with full tights, not to mention balaclava, booties and lobster mitts. At a certain point, aesthetics become somewhat secondary.
My problem tends to be heat. There gets to be an upper limit where it doesn’t matter if I have the lightest, most wicking kit, I’m going to start seeing fireflies during the daytime (it doesn’t help that being a baldy, like some of the other commenters here, I wear a head covering of some sort when I’m out in the sun, to prevent melanoma, tiger stripes, etc.)
@Nate
Yes, wool kneekers and wool arm warmers. My smartwools are great at staying up on my arms which are become more pinner by the day, a fact I’m proud of. I started with XL OTR arm warmers which fit most comfortably, then went to L, and may need to go to M for the same reason. My Smartwools have stood the test of time, on the other hand, and stayed in place through it all.
As for wet kneekers being worse than useless: wool. Wet, dry, or indifferent – always good.
Wow, I love crochet gloves! Would like to pick up some nice, quality ones that aren’t too expensive. Gonna have to do some searchin’.
@TommyTubolare
Fixed your post. Don’t think its the tires that are the problem here, mate. Its the lack of box-section rims and 3x spoke pattern that is at the root of it.
@frank
M arm warmers on your orangutan arms would be elbow warmers at best.
@jimmy
I’ll just quote @paolo:
@Greg
If you improved your reading skills, then I wouldn’t be able to deploy my “condescending paste what I already said” skills. Its a sacred Dutch art, and I’m happy to have the chance to keep using it.
@frank
Beautiful Fronk, a Dr Seuss fan as well as a Jedi, I’m impressed
Must say, this is one of my favourite articles to date, I have tittered, then squirmed uncomfortably, then tittered again
I wondered why I always look like a dog’s dinner in my tights, helped a bit by wearing shorts over them, but ureka, you have just squared my circle for me (mmmmm, that doesn’t sound quite right) – I need to get jiggy with the knee warmers
I got some arm warmers during the late summer, and thought I looked friggin cool in them, and they work, but the legs just look all wrong – except when I’m wearing overshoes, but that is because the line of the bottom end is lost
You have made more of a science of this than my MD did of the human body – chapeau
Can’t wait to don the knee warmers, which shall of course be of the same brand exactly, as the arm warmers
On the subject of jackets, the big one I bought for commuting looks shite, the small stowaway windbreaker looks awesome
Glad I got the winter hat right first time (skull cap just went over my left shoulder into wastebin)
I think I am nearly there!
@Nate
Try Castelli Nanoflex warmers.They fit well and have really good elastic grip bands which hold them in place.They are water resistant and breathable and can also be used in dry weather to keep you warm.I have medium and from my experience with castelli warmers they’re pretty long comparing to other brands.The best if you could try them on to get perfect size.I’m sure if you go size down they will be long enough and snug and tight on your arms which is what you want.
@TommyTubolare
Given you know the difference between Pave and Open Pave you surely also know that they aren’t actually that lime green color in real life.
@paolo
Thanks, maybe small is the way go, but I worry it will look like I am wearing the arm warmer equivalent of knicks.
And just saw Fat Phil back there with bare arms. Always amazes me how different guys kit up to deal with bad conditions. Lars can ride bare hands, Gilbert bare arms…and Boonen is dressed up like Randy in “A Christmas Story.”
Oh well, I guess all our bodies function a bit differently.
@jimmy
Also:
@frank, @TommyTubolare
Thanks for the recs. I like the wool idea — I am a full convert to running a merino base layer anytime the temp is below 16 C.
Um…Fast Phil! He’s slim & trim these days.
And who is that over in the left gutter? Boss Hog?
(and sorry Frank, you point out Phil back there smirking. Was so Ronned up over the photo & the other photos that I had to start running my mouth before even finishing your write-up. My apologies!)
@frank
The evidence would suggest so, but those two bald Italian dudes are pretty stirred up over Rolf Sorensen. That Dane always had a headband on…even if he had to cut a hat to make it happen.
@Nate
That headband is afraid of the Badger. It’s trying to run away!
@Frank
Not but only if you’re paying for the rims or the wheels.Otherwise you’re good to go.
If the side walls were black it would look good.And yes tires are not the problem but the color.
@jimmy
Phil is laughing because LF’s headband looks like shit. His cap-over-the-helmet is PRO. Frankly, headbands always look wanky except on Bjorn Borg, as illustrated.
@Nate
Look mate or Nate.Frank referred to Open Paves as Hardman’s Second Choice for the cobbles.I don’t think any hardman rides on clinchers,especially on the cobbles hence my comment.And yes they’re lime green.I’m sure you’ve seen a lime skin color.If not buy a lime and a tire and compare.But which tire are you going to buy?Hardmen tire for sure.
Gotta chine in here. Big TB fan, but the blue leggings are awful. Knee or leg warmers should be black. If full leg, then overshoes must be black. Colored overshoes can be work with knee warmers if they match the rest of the kit. For gross violations of this rule see pix of Astana in training camp.
As far as temps go, I’d imagine most spring classics are run in 40+ degrees F. Full tights should be unnecessary. When the temps and wind chill are in the teens or 20s, I’m going full tights, I don’t care what anyone says. If they fit really well, are all black, and matched with black overshoes, thus giving a totally seamless black lower half, they’re all good.
That Farnese Vini rider is deliberately uncool. The socks are too long and to point this out by pulling them over the leg warmers is just unforgivable, Italian or not.
I guess the important thing is, try to look as good as possible, stay as warm/dry as possible, but just make sure you’re riding.
@wiscot
This hat doesn’t look so Pro over the hairnet. Even though it’s Flemish.
@TommyTubolare
My mistake Рslip of the finger. The are Pav̩s Рnot Open Pav̩s. No sane Pro would ever think to ride clinchers on cobbles.
@jimmy
Jimmy, you are spot on. That ‘hat” looks like a knit condom and just because something says “flanders” on it, sure doesn’t make it so.
NIce article. I go mostly knee warmer with some vaseline on the calfs unless it gets good and cold, then sometimes can’t avoid the leg warmers or, rarely, Sugoi tights.
@TommyTubolare
I know what a lime looks like. I also know what the green of a Vittoria Pave looks like; in fact, there are some in my garage right now. They are not the same color.
@marcus
There is a guy (hairy mammoth) in Australia that does Ironman in fluoro budgie smugglers. Poorest example of a triathlete. I’d link a picture but I, and I am sure you do, value your retinas.
@gaswepass
Really.
I gotta ask about your handle: are you lactose intolerant or do you work at an Shell station in Oregon?
@girl
Thank you. Please don’t. A hairy tri-geek!!??!! Yikes……..