Categories: Look Pro

Look Pro, Part VI: Move Sur la Plaque

GilBEAR takes it onto the big ring

There’s something not quite the same about how the Pros climb and how we climb. They go faster, I suppose. There’s that. They’re skinnier, too, and climb better for their weight to boot. And they’re stronger, that probably helps although I can’t speak from personal experience. I’ve also noticed that while under pressure, theirs is still a Magnificent Stroke, while ours typically start tracing the lines of the Hurt Box. Their cadence exudes Fluidly Harmonic Articulation and hardly seems to notice changes in gradient; whereas the slightest change in pitch brings us to erratically dissonant chaos.

We can go slower and with a less Magnificent Stroke, and still look pretty cool doing it. Speed is relative, and so long as no one else is around, we can look like we’re going fast, too. And we can rock our shoulders and grimace and do it all like the Pros. And then we can practice and practice and practice but there will still be a fundamental element missing, a certain je ne c’est quoi.

And that brings us to Part VI in our Look Pro series.

You know that part of the climb near the top? That part where it gets less steep? That part where you ease back and bask in the pain of a job well done? That’s the part where the Pros move Sur la Plaque. In case you don’t speak the language of the peloton, that’s French for, “Put that thing in the big ring, fucktard.”

Aside from a willingness to suffer more than anyone else in the most painful discipline in cycling, the key to being a good climber is to continue to pile coals on the fire as you approach the top of the climb and power over the crest. Per Richard Virenque, 7-times (give or take, its not worth looking up) winner of the competition in the Tour where some sadistic asshole puts a sprint at every hill they can measure:

You have to be able to move sur la plaque as soon as you’re at the top. I generally change gear 300m from the top.

That makes it almost the same as a fact, so take it from Tricky Dicky and think about these points next time you’re shopping at the Five and Dime:

Getting air back in your lungs can wait until the way down. Power over the top and you’ll shed 3/4 of the riders you’re with.
Your body is governed by ancillary concerns like “stopping the intolerable pain” and “not dying”. Those types of concerns have no place in cycling. Like training a dog, the only solution is to teach your body to stop fussing so much by going harder.
Your body gets used to the rhythm of your cadence and will send signals discouraging you from lifting it as the gradient eases. This is what the shifters are for. Use them to fool your body, assuming your body is as much of a dumbass as mine.
Two cogs roughly equals the big ring. If you’re going to shift twice, forget the right shifter and go for the left.
As you approach the top of the hill, casually exaggerate the motion of your left hand as you cram it into the big ring and rise out of the saddle to power through. The riders who managed to stay with you will wimper right before the elastic snaps.

Come to think of it, it’s no wonder Maillot a Pois competition is dominated by dopers.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Steampunk says:

Apr 29 2011 at 5:56 pm

This has me itching to get out on the road. Nicely done! Is it poor form, though, to ask one of these whimpering followers to collect the lung I lost and return it to me on the way down? Or is it just a casualty of war, and I should try to find it the next day as I taper (and look for that bidon I dropped, too)?

Gilbert looked good in FdJ colors.
Souleur says:

Apr 29 2011 at 6:29 pm

In my last race frank, i missed the mark on some of this...the souplesse of a Left-handed shift at top, the subtle toss of the bike to and fro, the shining V in the back of my calf as I crest the top alone in pure splendor...it was a pipe dream because I knew I could shed 3/4 of the suckers, but we were all evenly matched and all sucking air, dragging our chins on the pave', in the big ring and it just wasn't quite so perfect.

but i will keep trying

something that goes with my territory is, as a nurse practitioner, i take care of alot of sick people. Some of them wear more V in a day w/pain than i will see in a year. truth be known, we grow together, i take care of them, and i hate it but sometimes end up losing a few to the grave. Something that takes my pain away nearly immediately at the top of the 20% gradient is when i post their names on my stem, when i hurt, i look down and remember but for a moment, slam that bastard in a bigger gear and apply Rule V aptly and bite my lower lip.
Mikeweb says:

Apr 29 2011 at 6:29 pm

Excellent piece Frank. When I lived in hillier terrain where I grew up in Ct., I used to seek out the climbs: short and brutally steep or long and grinding. As I approach the climb, I also like to open up the lungs and get as much oxygen into the blood as I can going in then attack the climb. These days I still seek the uphill terrain where ever I can find it. I'm about 6'2" and usually carry about 175 lbs. on my frame, but the climbs are always the focal point of any ride I do.
WhiteRoseRider says:

Apr 29 2011 at 7:02 pm

Souleur:
something that goes with my territory is, as a nurse practitioner, i take care of alot of sick people. Some of them wear more V in a day w/pain than i will see in a year. truth be known, we grow together, i take care of them, and i hate it but sometimes end up losing a few to the grave. Something that takes my pain away nearly immediately at the top of the 20% gradient is when i post their names on my stem, when i hurt, i look down and remember but for a moment, slam that bastard in a bigger gear and apply Rule V aptly and bite my lower lip.

A'Merckx!
RedRanger says:

Apr 29 2011 at 7:13 pm

When it come to overcoming pain, I always remind myself that I endured 5 years of working in a factory. That usually helps me get back to business.
G'phant says:

Apr 29 2011 at 7:23 pm

There's not really a 'proper' place to post this, so here will have to do: to all Velominati who are, or who have friends and family who are, affected by those brutal tornados, thoughts are with you.
tomb says:

Apr 29 2011 at 7:50 pm

@G'phant
Thanks G! Been busy cleaning debris out of my dad's yard and neighbors. Lucky us, we didn't get any more than rain, but there has been a healthy serving of pain handed out here in central NC.
Ron says:

Apr 29 2011 at 8:21 pm

That photo is awesomeness!

Now, I must go. I must watch the hat trick Phil Gil pulled off this spring. They were so awesome I sometimes get confused when & where he told the rest to HTFU and get off his wheel, then won the race.

G'phant - thanks. tons of storms, wind, and rain, but the house is still here. Was doing bike work at a friend's house two weeks ago and the city distress siren went off. Crazy. On Weds. the dog freaked out and jumped in bed with me and I had to get the cats in at 3:00. Full house bed that night. Nothing here in my part of NC, but tons of damage nearby.
Ron says:

Apr 29 2011 at 10:08 pm

Holy fuck, I had only looked at the photo when I first replied.

Now I read the entire thing...Frank! awesomeness! It has me eager to get out on the road as well.

Interesting ride for tomorrow, as it'll be my first in Rule 33 compliance. Just this one change might shed 3/4 of my competitors.

Very, very cool article.
Eightzero says:

Apr 29 2011 at 10:09 pm

Lying down the V is an art. Slam that thing under your left glove, stand up and up the cadence. Do not look down. Feel the taste of blood in your throat as your cardio system screams "hey, I saw this part of The Temple of Doom too. Thanks for volunteering us to be sacrifice, shit for brains. Now sit your ass down while I call 911 and have them check your donor card." or something like that.