Categories: Look Pro

Look Pro, Part VI: Move Sur la Plaque

GilBEAR takes it onto the big ring

There’s something not quite the same about how the Pros climb and how we climb. They go faster, I suppose. There’s that. They’re skinnier, too, and climb better for their weight to boot. And they’re stronger, that probably helps although I can’t speak from personal experience. I’ve also noticed that while under pressure, theirs is still a Magnificent Stroke, while ours typically start tracing the lines of the Hurt Box. Their cadence exudes Fluidly Harmonic Articulation and hardly seems to notice changes in gradient; whereas the slightest change in pitch brings us to erratically dissonant chaos.

We can go slower and with a less Magnificent Stroke, and still look pretty cool doing it. Speed is relative, and so long as no one else is around, we can look like we’re going fast, too. And we can rock our shoulders and grimace and do it all like the Pros. And then we can practice and practice and practice but there will still be a fundamental element missing, a certain je ne c’est quoi.

And that brings us to Part VI in our Look Pro series.

You know that part of the climb near the top? That part where it gets less steep? That part where you ease back and bask in the pain of a job well done? That’s the part where the Pros move Sur la Plaque. In case you don’t speak the language of the peloton, that’s French for, “Put that thing in the big ring, fucktard.”

Aside from a willingness to suffer more than anyone else in the most painful discipline in cycling, the key to being a good climber is to continue to pile coals on the fire as you approach the top of the climb and power over the crest. Per Richard Virenque, 7-times (give or take, its not worth looking up) winner of the competition in the Tour where some sadistic asshole puts a sprint at every hill they can measure:

You have to be able to move sur la plaque as soon as you’re at the top. I generally change gear 300m from the top.

That makes it almost the same as a fact, so take it from Tricky Dicky and think about these points next time you’re shopping at the Five and Dime:

Getting air back in your lungs can wait until the way down. Power over the top and you’ll shed 3/4 of the riders you’re with.
Your body is governed by ancillary concerns like “stopping the intolerable pain” and “not dying”. Those types of concerns have no place in cycling. Like training a dog, the only solution is to teach your body to stop fussing so much by going harder.
Your body gets used to the rhythm of your cadence and will send signals discouraging you from lifting it as the gradient eases. This is what the shifters are for. Use them to fool your body, assuming your body is as much of a dumbass as mine.
Two cogs roughly equals the big ring. If you’re going to shift twice, forget the right shifter and go for the left.
As you approach the top of the hill, casually exaggerate the motion of your left hand as you cram it into the big ring and rise out of the saddle to power through. The riders who managed to stay with you will wimper right before the elastic snaps.

Come to think of it, it’s no wonder Maillot a Pois competition is dominated by dopers.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Tasman says:

May 1 2011 at 7:56 pm

Superb post Frank. I'm learning to love the hills for a large frame rider. I found a great way to improve the climbing skills. Move to a house on top of a long climb. Gives no options if you want to get home!
Marcus says:

May 1 2011 at 8:31 pm

This one's for you Fronky Boy!
harminator says:

May 1 2011 at 8:42 pm

@Marcus
Awww isn't it beautiful? Note onlookers keeping their distance for fear of having their heads cut off.

It also looks like Cuddles has cut off all the fingers on his left hand. Presumably to get to his ideal weight but possibly to make it more difficult for him to shift out of the big ring?
Xponti says:

May 1 2011 at 9:21 pm

@Marcus

Great photo and nice to see him in the Yellow Jersey (Even if it isn't the right Yellow Jersey) Hopefully a sign of things to come for Cuddles.
minion says:

May 1 2011 at 9:23 pm

@G'phant
I can't take credit for that, SWMBO introduced me to Rumpole and so it's her credit.
Ron says:

May 2 2011 at 6:49 am

I also like to talk up the steep gradients, the ones where everyone you are riding with seems to go quiet and the conversation stops. That, along with an upshift is a good way to put people on notice that your BFGs are working.

I'm actually pretty good at Sur La Plaque because of how I started riding. I used to shift very rarely, so just pushed the same gear most of the time. I've since learned I'll do better over longer distances & in the long run if I use my range of gears. But, I think my initial style really gave me good strength to climb with.

Climbing is a beautiful test of your skills as a cyclist, both mental & physical.
Cyclops says:

May 2 2011 at 9:21 am

I'm making a prediction. I think that Cofidis is going to go after Hushvold in order to regain Pro Tour status.
mcsqueak says:

May 2 2011 at 10:26 am

I have a love-hate relationship with the climb. I look forward to climbing, then my body screams at me to stop during the climb. Afterwords, I feel good and look forward to the next one. A good climb can even 'wake up the legs' and make the rest of the ride even better.

I'm not the best climber ever (it would be more honest to call it 'piss poor'), but I try and make myself go on at least one good climb per ride, unless I'm absolutely not feeling it, so I can get stronger. It worked out well last summer, and I wound up being able to do decent, if slow, climbs. I'm looking forward to getting that back again as the spring moves along.

The worst is when I consume a meal then try and ride too soon after... side cramps are the worst and will ruin a climb. Cycling on a nearly empty stomach is really the key for me.
Steampunk says:

May 2 2011 at 11:20 am

This from the Inner Ring:

Spare a thought for Taylor Phinney. His father Davis Phinney won the final stage into Geneva in 1988 but this time around, Taylor was on team duty. After working to keep the pace high, Phinney was ejected on a climb and with the race vanishing over the hills, found the riders around him climbing into their team cars. Not wanting to quit, despite injuries from a crash, he kept going only to have the number pulled from his back. He got a map from race officials and kept going. He might be sitting on the fattest contract a neo-pro has ever seen but he's not the type to sit up. Good for him.

Class!
Jeff in PetroMetro says:

May 2 2011 at 11:27 am

@Cyclops
I hope Cofidis has the budget. Also hope they lose the red shorts. Will be cool if Hushovd comes back to a Look frame. He last rode one on Credit Agricole.