Categories: Look Pro

Look Pro, Part VI: Move Sur la Plaque

GilBEAR takes it onto the big ring

There’s something not quite the same about how the Pros climb and how we climb. They go faster, I suppose. There’s that. They’re skinnier, too, and climb better for their weight to boot. And they’re stronger, that probably helps although I can’t speak from personal experience. I’ve also noticed that while under pressure, theirs is still a Magnificent Stroke, while ours typically start tracing the lines of the Hurt Box. Their cadence exudes Fluidly Harmonic Articulation and hardly seems to notice changes in gradient; whereas the slightest change in pitch brings us to erratically dissonant chaos.

We can go slower and with a less Magnificent Stroke, and still look pretty cool doing it. Speed is relative, and so long as no one else is around, we can look like we’re going fast, too. And we can rock our shoulders and grimace and do it all like the Pros. And then we can practice and practice and practice but there will still be a fundamental element missing, a certain je ne c’est quoi.

And that brings us to Part VI in our Look Pro series.

You know that part of the climb near the top? That part where it gets less steep? That part where you ease back and bask in the pain of a job well done? That’s the part where the Pros move Sur la Plaque. In case you don’t speak the language of the peloton, that’s French for, “Put that thing in the big ring, fucktard.”

Aside from a willingness to suffer more than anyone else in the most painful discipline in cycling, the key to being a good climber is to continue to pile coals on the fire as you approach the top of the climb and power over the crest. Per Richard Virenque, 7-times (give or take, its not worth looking up) winner of the competition in the Tour where some sadistic asshole puts a sprint at every hill they can measure:

You have to be able to move sur la plaque as soon as you’re at the top. I generally change gear 300m from the top.

That makes it almost the same as a fact, so take it from Tricky Dicky and think about these points next time you’re shopping at the Five and Dime:

Getting air back in your lungs can wait until the way down. Power over the top and you’ll shed 3/4 of the riders you’re with.
Your body is governed by ancillary concerns like “stopping the intolerable pain” and “not dying”. Those types of concerns have no place in cycling. Like training a dog, the only solution is to teach your body to stop fussing so much by going harder.
Your body gets used to the rhythm of your cadence and will send signals discouraging you from lifting it as the gradient eases. This is what the shifters are for. Use them to fool your body, assuming your body is as much of a dumbass as mine.
Two cogs roughly equals the big ring. If you’re going to shift twice, forget the right shifter and go for the left.
As you approach the top of the hill, casually exaggerate the motion of your left hand as you cram it into the big ring and rise out of the saddle to power through. The riders who managed to stay with you will wimper right before the elastic snaps.

Come to think of it, it’s no wonder Maillot a Pois competition is dominated by dopers.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Jeff in PetroMetro says:

May 2 2011 at 11:39 am

As for climbing, I used to be pretty good 20+ years ago. Here in the PetroMetro, I sometimes have to ride an overpass. Sometimes I jump a curb. I can shoulder my bike and climb some stairs. I have no idea if I climb well for my weight. Buck Rogers and I are due for a Hill Country ride after he relocates to San Antonio. I guess I'll find out then.
Cinghiale says:

May 2 2011 at 3:12 pm

This reminds me of my first European riding experience, which included a comically slow ascent of the Mortirolo, in which I shamelessly weaved, paperboy-style, just to maintain forward progress. (In my defense, it was before you were publishing this site).

The week I got home I watched Tonkov and the whole group savagely attack on the same climb. I was speechless as a fully recognized stretches that had made me whimper. They were flying where I had groveled. It was inspiring.
Ron says:

May 3 2011 at 7:04 am

Sur La Plaque has now been adopted for my life off the bike as well. Been working on a very long project and with a few more months of hard work, I'll have it finished.

I decided that I need to move Sur La Plaque on this project. It's in the Big Ring from now until I'm done. Awesomeness! This is giving me the motivation even off the bike to just grind it out.
frank says:

May 3 2011 at 8:52 am

@Cinghiale

The week I got home I watched Tonkov and the whole group savagely attack on the same climb. I was speechless as a fully recognized stretches that had made me whimper. They were flying where I had groveled. It was inspiring.

They had some help, unfortunately. I suppose that would have been 1998, eh? Or 2002?

@Ron
Per @BigRingRiding, "IT'S NOT JUST A CHAINRING, IT'S A STATE OF MIND."
B_R_R says:

May 3 2011 at 9:10 am

AWESOME POST.
Jarvis says:

May 5 2011 at 12:42 am

As you approach the top of the hill, casually exaggerate the motion of your left hand as you cram it into the big ring and rise out of the saddle to power through. The riders who managed to stay with you will wimper right before the elastic snaps

Unless you are the best there is in your area, to do this in a race is an occasional occurance*: but when you do it is a beautiful feeling. To look back and see a long (or very short) snake or riders in the gutter scrabbling for your wheel. I usually found I was the one looking up from the back of the snake.

*can count them on one hand
chiefhiawatha says:

May 5 2011 at 2:51 pm

@Mikeweb

stop stroking yourself mikeweb, it is not becoming
Steampunk says:

Jun 25 2011 at 9:38 am

Gilbert on the Belgian Championships:
"On this type of flat course, everyone has a chance. Even an average rider. I will not ask the team to ride for me because I'm hoping my teammates, some of whom may have difficulty finding a team next year, can also get a result. A victory, even a podium place, can secure their future for the next two or three seasons."
Pure class!
Sam says:

Jun 25 2011 at 11:35 am

@Steampunk
Gilbert is just the man. Absolutely my favourite rider in the peloton at the moment.
On another subject looks like Eddie Boss is gonna have his TdF affected by/stop him going to it, by a bout of shingles. So hope he gets better...
Marko says:

Jun 26 2011 at 12:10 pm

How sweet is it that Phil Gil will be pimpin the Belgian National Champion's jersey at the start of the Tour this week? There is no cooler national champ jersey. It'll be even sweeter if he's first across the line after the Gois and wears yellow the next day.