Big Mig, cards close to the chest as always
Cycling is all about energy. If you don’t have it, you don’t have it. It can be sucked out of you as quickly as a Dyson sucks up dust. Even on those days when you feel a million bucks, use your energy unwisely and you’ll be spat out the back and struggling to make a piece of toast when you get home. You will be the toast, but no-one will be rushing to spread themselves on you.
Conserving energy can be more difficult than expending it. Any fool can sprint off up the road in a flurry of whirling legs and heavy breathing with 100km to go, but a wise rider will listen to their body, not their brain; a bit like sex really, you want to be there at the end, when the real action takes place. And like sex, making weird faces not only tells the other party(s) that you are giving it everything you have, but it wastes a lot of valuable energy.
One of the best ways to conserve your beans is by thinking of your face muscles as a limp dick. (Sorry ladies, I have no perverted metaphor for you, and I’ll resist the temptation to attempt one. I’ve dug enough of a hole as it is.) The less strain you put on your face, the less energy you use. Let your mouth relax by keeping it slightly open; don’t grimace and try not to inhale wasps. Of course, this isn’t always possible, but even when deep in the box (I’m talking Cycling now, ok?), a conscious effort of reminding yourself to relax the face muscles will instantly feel like you’ve saved not only a small hive, but a fair bit of useless expenditure. Try it now… see?
One of the masters of Poker Face was the great Miguel Indurain. Not only was he possibly the best looking Cyclist of the modern era, what with his deep tan guns, perfect short and sock length, impeccable cap placement and awesome steel bikes, he was rarely seen with anything more than a slight curling of the lips adorning his face. You knew Mig was in trouble if he looked like he was smiling… in fact, the only times he looked like he was working hard was in the race against the clock, with opponents nowhere to be seen and he could do like he damn well pleased. It was particularly telling that in his last Tour in 96, he regularly sported a whale shark visage, and was badly beaten, a sad way to end his run of five wins. Even in his Hour Record attempts, he kept up his blank expression until Casual Deliberation was no longer possible.
After the end, Big Mig knew the time for facial expression was nigh. He could finally put away the Poker Face, and let his mere presence remind those around him who held the cards. We will never crush fools and Look (as) Fantastic as he, but we can learn from him that a blank face is as valuable as good legs and lungs the size of basketballs.
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You are of course, correct. However, I have never cheated to win, smoking vast canons of marijuana before MTB races in the early nineties, was probably not as performance enhancing as I thought at the time!!
Indurain is particulary gutting to me, I had a bit of a bromance...
I remember reading in VeloNews in the early 90s about Migs physiology. He was a freak of nature in terms of his resting heart rate, VO2 max, oxygen uptake, aerobic threshold power, etc. I am unsure if any pro previous, then, or now has tested better than Indurain. It is no wonder that he could poker face it with his lung capacity. In the mountains he inhaled so much air that he didn't leave much for his competition.
@piwakawaka
Haha, PDDs, maye? Performance detracting drugs?
@Sparty
He was tested by a University only a few years ago and apparently even at nearly 20 years into retirement and without specific training he still was putting out numbers equal to many in the pro peloton.
@piwakawaka
Then give him the benefit of the doubt instead of dragging him down, FFS!
@Ron
I, for one, welcome our new hipster brothers-with-gears. If it means I can finally find kits that A) look good and B) look good on me and my proportions, I'm all for it. They've ditched their skinny jeans and loose V-necks and embraced the tight, aero look and went from sock-less Vans to the perfect 6-inch cuff and clean cycling shoes. And their track-bike roots mean their road bikes aren't adorned with any unnecessary fluff, either.
@Jason Wright
I used to work for the Briko distributor here in Australia during the late '90s. Man, there were a LOT of lense/frame combos we had to stock. All outrageous but genuinely functional. Never wore them myself though - even with a staff discount I couldn't afford them!
@Ccos
"One of the sand people." Beauty. And yes, Briko were flying close to some wacky design edge back then. I can't imagine what their inspiration was.
@Gianni
Nice grab, @Ccos!
And the obvious inspiration for the Shot:
Brikos rock! Always wanted a pair, but like @PT could never afford them. The closest I got was at the XC World Cup in Cairns 1995... Sara Ellis, Cannondale/Volvo rider and Tinker's girlfriend at the time was suffering up a climb and handed me her Brikos and said "give them back after the race." I thought "yeah right lady", but of course being the upstanding member of the cycling community I was even back then, I found Tinker and gave them to him.
Later that year at the World Champs in Germany, I saw Sarah and reminded her of the story, hoping maybe she'd give me a complimentary pair... nope.