Forgiving the triple and EPMS, Pineapple Bob shows us how Looking Fantastic is done.
Whenever I do anything, I try my best to project the confidence of Han Solo leaving the cantina after cooking Greedo which has been scientifically proven to be the maximum possible score on the Casually Deliberate Scale. Being Casually Deliberate comes down to two fundamental units of knowledge that you must hold unwaveringly within your heart: That you Look Fantastic and that You are Awesome at What You Do. Greedo never stood a chance; he hardly had a name tag.
I consider it my personal and professional responsibility to Look Fantastic at All Times whether on the bike, at the office (nothing but Maison Martin Margiela touches this body), at home, or at social engagements (at which times I will allow Rick Owens to mingle in the palate). The secret being, of course, that if you Look Fantastic, you appear twice as competent as you actually are to the casual observer – which is almost everyone these days because no one pays attention anymore.
The Cogal of the Falling Leaves was a cruel mistress, almost sinister. I dreaded the ride a bit, cursing Midsummer Frank who chose such a tough route, basking in his Midsummer Form, oblivious to what kind of horrible shape October Frank would be in. Midsummer Frank is a dick.
Courage is knowing what suffering lies down the road and setting forth nevertheless, but Courage is also a clueless twat about how humbling it is to helplessly watch the group ride away from you on hill after hill, a sensation I’m not entirely accustomed to. Each time, I could barely manage bridging back up just in time for the next hill so I could slip uselessly away again like a teflon-coated stone.
Eventually, the hills were too close together for me to bridge up, and I was cut adrift like a dinghy at sea.
I set off down the road alone while the group refueled at a rest station, not wanting to stop and lose whatever rhythm I’d regained, knowing full well that I was beyond a point where refuelling would be of use. Here it was just me, alone with the hum of my tires and the completely detached sense of ownership of my legs. I wish I’d grabbed the Good Legs from the garage today, but alas I hadn’t.
What kept me going, more than anything, was the knowledge that however slow I was going, I still looked a proper Cyclist, with my kit perfectly in place, my sunnies tucked neatly away in the vents of my helmet, jaw agape, and my perfectly curated machine carrying me along the way. I knew I looked resplendent while pedalling smoothly, the muscle-memory of countless hours accumulated pedalling a bike during my lifetime took over; shoulders steady, head low, legs on autopilot.
Being out of shape at this time of year, with the cold and wet months approaching is a solemn reality. There is nothing welcoming to the common Cyclist: the days are short and cold and getting out during the workweek is an act of true dedication. Kitting up in my finest Nine Kit or my Flandrian Best, emulating the Hardmen is what encourages me to set out onto the road to start the long journey back to fitness.
Looking Fantastic might not be all there is to Cycling, but at times like this, it’s all I got.
VLVV.
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I'd never heard of Maison Martin Margeila so I googled it. The first hit involved a pair of adult trainers that have velcro as a fastener.
It is so hard to take someone seriously beyond the age of, say, 7 that still requires velcro to do up shoes. Right, I'll get back to the article.
David
Yes indeed Frank. Sometimes it's hard when you're so out of shape to Look Fantastic, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try. White legs after winter are a bane on the Look, hairy ones even more so. Curating the bike and kit helps no end, and gives one hope that the body will soon follow.
Pineapple Bob, haven't seen that name for a long while... where is he now I wonder?
Might have to wear the suit to the office tomorrow... fuck the vitriol I'll receive from the skater boys who share the space!
@sthilzy
elbows below the top bar is dead cool
Love watching that Star Wars scene although I would say Obi Wan looked a bit more cas del than Han after lopping off Ponda Baba's arm.
Speaking of Star Wars the new bad guy looks pretty awesome:
On a personal note I am looking forward to being out of shape but still looking the business after spending a week in the hospital with Pericarditis. Thank god no lasting effects and can train properly once more.
@edd
Oh FFS, calm down. Spend a bit of time around here and you'll realize that @Frank was taking the piss. It's a rare day when you can actually take anything he says seriously.
@RobSandy
Dear Merckx, I'll forgive you for not looking like Big Yatesy, but surely you can't look like that total twat Boris Johnson. I suspect from that pic he must be on his way to a gathering of the Bullingdon Club whereupon they shall eat and drink to excess, trash the room, abuse the waitstaff and flounce out throwing a wad of cash in the proprietor's face to cover the damages. It's the Tory way.
It's a close call, bur PB's tan sidewalls almost negate the EMPS atrocity.
Great cover photo. Good thing PB is not on a new carbon ride . If it were so looking fantastic would go from a score of 10 out of 10 to a 5 out of 10 at best .
A+, Frank.
@davidlhill
Closer to this, but with socks.