To Look Good is Already to Go Fast

Its no coincidence he looks as fast as he is. Photo: Pedale.Forchetta

To look good is already to go fast.
-Paul Fournel, Vélo

My approach to research is pretty straight forward. First, I develop an opinion – usually in a cognitively compromised state. This is the first step in the process for the simple reason that it avoids the bulk of the hard work involving things like reading and thinking. Next, I cherry-pick evidence from my experience and what few materials I have read on the subject in order to support my opinion. Finally, I defend myself with whatever dirty tricks or facts I need to invent in order to maintain my position.

It is only on rare occasions that I will be unable to guess at the evidence I need to support my claim, but in those cases I already know I’m right, so not finding evidence that contradicts my position is almost the same as finding some that supports it. I consider those circumstances validation of my opinion and thus fortify the resolve that I’m right.

Over the lifetime of The Rules, numerous bright sparks have popped up out of the ether like some sort of internet Whack-A-Mole to point out that many of them are all about aesthetics. The point is true enough, but the Velominati have always understoodd that Looking Fantastic is the fundamental building block to finding the motivation to get out on the bike day in, day out – Rule #9 or shine. The fact that the hard work of training is what actually makes you faster is glossed over when you get excited about kitting up in your Flandrian Best, echoing the summoning of Flemish hardmen who have come before you, and using their image to inspire you to get out and lay down the V. Its basic, really.

Despite how certain I’ve always been that this is Truth and that The Rules have been handed down by Merckx from high on Mount Velomis to inspire the masses, an Austrian professor, Dr. Erik Postma of the University of Zurich, recently conducted a study to see whether Looking Fantastic really does indicate athletic prowess.

The results confirmed that Science is unnecessary when you’ve already guessed the truth, but nevertheless it is handy to have a scientific study support my assumptions in case I can’t make up facts as quickly as I need to during an argument. It also strikes me as interesting that the study found that women on the pill are about as good at identifying attractive males as men are.

Thanks to Shaka Mitchell for sending this validating study along to us.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

unversio says:

Feb 11 2014 at 10:37 am

@VeloSix Decon Hazmat vest.
Chris says:

Feb 11 2014 at 10:38 am

@VeloSix

@unversio

Millar is experimenting with his fantasticality.

That gillet looks like something out of a hikers emergency survival kit. Hideous! And those helmets, did they design those with a crayon on a napkin?

Those shades have improved a lot since the early prototypes...
Ron says:

Feb 11 2014 at 11:29 am

@unversio

POC is banking on the idea that your race will include a downhill snow slalom stage.

Ahahaha. Nice!

I thought I was going to be the only one not cool enough to think that the POC helmets are cool. Someone needs to post up the TT helmets...If you think these look to be designed by crayon, those look to be designed based on Mushmouth's hat from Fat Albert.

Helmets might be the toughest piece of gear to sort out; what looks good on one can look awful on another. I don't even like the S-Works anymore, and those used to be slick.
Nate says:

Feb 11 2014 at 11:37 am

@PeakInTwoYears

@Nate

@PeakInTwoYears Also: @frank repeats himself, first as tragedy then as farce.

I wish I had the authority to award a badge for this, I suspect the first time "The 18th Brumaire" has been referenced here.

I suppose you could nominate me but somehow I doubt the 18th Brumaire is a core part of the computer science curriculum and the reference won't resonate.
Skip says:

Feb 11 2014 at 3:06 pm

@VeloSix

@frank

@VeloSix

I have been urged by the VMH');" class="comment-link">VMH and a couple of her fellow friends that my "long" hair makes me a sexy man beast, and I shouldn't cut it as I intend to do this spring. (Long for me is when it's in my eyes, and over my ears) Its hot as fuck in the summer and I hate it.

This article makes me want to keep it, although will it make me faster or give me some sexy man beast reputation to live up to..... that is the question....

I think any time your wife refers to you as a sexy man beast, that's pretty great. Especially since her friends seem to validate it. That's even pretty greater.

I would advise you to keep your long hair despite whatever crappy reason you can come up with as to cut it. Your long hair might even lead to "sexy man beast" sex, which is way better than the usual kind, which is "if you absolutely must but make it quick because my show is on in five minutes" sex to which the customary response is, "Five minutes? More than I need."

So by this line of thinking, I should just buy a bigger TT helmet...

Perhaps this is why POC made their new TT helmet. Whatever the aerodynamics, though, by Frank's reasoning it should add minutes to your TT time...
Ccos says:

Feb 11 2014 at 3:27 pm

@Deakus

This is the fastest person I have ever seen. Unlikely ever to be beaten!

I have nothing witty to say about this photo per se. I just thought the ratio of appearances of it to (the normaly dapper) David Millar's looking like a chucklehead ran the risk of throwing the Velo universe out of whack.
G'rilla says:

Feb 11 2014 at 3:59 pm

Stybar looks pretty fast in that road aero helmet. It wraps his head so closely.

Being covered in dirt that you launched with your own front wheel doesn't hurt either.
JCM says:

Feb 11 2014 at 4:43 pm

@G'rilla

Not only did Stybar Look Fantastic, he looked like a fucking beast! Starting from 4 or 5 rows back and then trading blows with Nys after they put the rest of the field to the sword was impressive. Chapeau to two titans of cyclocross for that race.
RedRanger says:

Feb 11 2014 at 4:45 pm

@JCM

@G'rilla

how pro is not running discs on a CX bike? pretty damn pro.
RedRanger says:

Feb 11 2014 at 4:49 pm

I think Stybar might be a greater talent than Sagan.