To Look Good is Already to Go Fast
To look good is already to go fast.
-Paul Fournel, Vélo
My approach to research is pretty straight forward. First, I develop an opinion – usually in a cognitively compromised state. This is the first step in the process for the simple reason that it avoids the bulk of the hard work involving things like reading and thinking. Next, I cherry-pick evidence from my experience and what few materials I have read on the subject in order to support my opinion. Finally, I defend myself with whatever dirty tricks or facts I need to invent in order to maintain my position.
It is only on rare occasions that I will be unable to guess at the evidence I need to support my claim, but in those cases I already know I’m right, so not finding evidence that contradicts my position is almost the same as finding some that supports it. I consider those circumstances validation of my opinion and thus fortify the resolve that I’m right.
Over the lifetime of The Rules, numerous bright sparks have popped up out of the ether like some sort of internet Whack-A-Mole to point out that many of them are all about aesthetics. The point is true enough, but the Velominati have always understoodd that Looking Fantastic is the fundamental building block to finding the motivation to get out on the bike day in, day out – Rule #9 or shine. The fact that the hard work of training is what actually makes you faster is glossed over when you get excited about kitting up in your Flandrian Best, echoing the summoning of Flemish hardmen who have come before you, and using their image to inspire you to get out and lay down the V. Its basic, really.
Despite how certain I’ve always been that this is Truth and that The Rules have been handed down by Merckx from high on Mount Velomis to inspire the masses, an Austrian professor, Dr. Erik Postma of the University of Zurich, recently conducted a study to see whether Looking Fantastic really does indicate athletic prowess.
The results confirmed that Science is unnecessary when you’ve already guessed the truth, but nevertheless it is handy to have a scientific study support my assumptions in case I can’t make up facts as quickly as I need to during an argument. It also strikes me as interesting that the study found that women on the pill are about as good at identifying attractive males as men are.
Thanks to Shaka Mitchell for sending this validating study along to us.
Love it
Outstanding image and article. I did read all of it. What’s gonna happen to this sock now that we know the “look fantastic” gospel?
Good to see the Selle Italia Turbomatic 5 saddle in the right context.
This is freaky…I read the first line of the article ending in “usually in a cognitively”. Then I thought “I bet this sentence ends with ‘compromised state.'” Then I read the rest of the sentence on the next line.
And it did.
Maybe I should try to write an article for Velominati. Could someone provide me with the first 5 words to get me started?
I can’t write 5 words.
Wow. So much bad science, or at least bad science journalism explaining good science. And yet, because of confirmation bias I’m totally on board with this confirming what we already knew to be the truth!
Great find Shaka!
I have been urged by the VMH and a couple of her fellow friends that my “long” hair makes me a sexy man beast, and I shouldn’t cut it as I intend to do this spring. (Long for me is when it’s in my eyes, and over my ears) Its hot as fuck in the summer and I hate it.
This article makes me want to keep it, although will it make me faster or give me some sexy man beast reputation to live up to….. that is the question….
@unversio
Slip your hand inside and use it for cleaning spokes? (Emoticon here)
And naturally, they use a pic of Faboo to illustrate the article. Point made.
BTW, who is the rider in the lead pic and is he having saddle issues? I understand that the road is very steep, but there’s no way, surely, from our vantage point that we should see that much of the saddle?
Don’t force it; use a bigger hammer and keep looking until all the necessary science you find supports your premise.
Very nice article.
@VeloSix
I think any time your wife refers to you as a sexy man beast, that’s pretty great. Especially since her friends seem to validate it. That’s even pretty greater.
I would advise you to keep your long hair despite whatever crappy reason you can come up with as to cut it. Your long hair might even lead to “sexy man beast” sex, which is way better than the usual kind, which is “if you absolutely must but make it quick because my show is on in five minutes” sex to which the customary response is, “Five minutes? More than I need.”
@VeloSix
I have long hair, long enough that it needs to be tied on the bike else give up 10 watts to the mess blowing about my ears. My fringe is runs to below my chin should I let it and it being in my eyes is a distant memory. My wife loves it, and hence why I have the hair style that I do but I have just realised neither she, nor her friends have told me I look like a sexy man beast….
The Rules have just codified what I already practiced in other sports throughout my pre-cycling life. Looking good, feeling good, playing well. All deeply connected.
Awesome lead photo!
Jumped out of bed this morning and got an hour of riding in before the snow and rain blew in. Nothing as nice as kicking off a new week with an hour in the saddle.
@wiscot Turkey season starts in April.
@Puffy
Get yourself some clippers, both of you! How can you expect your helmet to fit properly? How can your head possibly cool down with that mop all over it? What about the poor brain cells frying inside? It’s called the perfect amount of dumb, not completely stupid. You are no longer twelve or Chris Horner!!!
That Colombia kit is pretty sharp.
One more instance of Frank apparently tossing off a witty little article.
Witty my ass.
For anyone willing to reflect on it and remember anything they ever read in any humanities course, this article intervenes (in its way) in centuries-old discourses on linguistic/cultural oppositions between what we call reality and illusion, surface and depth, appearance and reality, signifier and signified, and whatever the greasy fuck else you want to call the Levi-Straussian shit I’m suggesting for your edification.
Frank, this article takes no prisoners. It just pretends it does. Chapeau.
To Look Good is Already to Go Fast .
Mmmmm, let me be a thorn in the side of that argument @frank.
For Saturdays Cogal I tried my absolute best to look good in order to go fast. No EPMS, all Rapha’d up. etc etc etc.
Then 45 degree celsius hit and a fcker of a Northerly wind hit us and my fast went out the back door. #5 and #9 were continually repeated in head by my little brain. But alas, fast I was not.
@Barracuda
Statistical analysis would validate the underlying thesis. Individual cases are just that. Perhaps we could entertain this claim: “All or most things being equal, to look good is already to go faster.”
But what a pedantic fucking construction.
@PeakInTwoYears
Gotcha
@PeakInTwoYears
I can tell you this though, at the end of the day, the Stella Artois looked good, and the went fast !
Therefore – Point proven i guess
“they” – shit keyboard
DUQUE Leonardo Fabio
@Barracuda
It is possible you did not look as good as you thought, but if you did indeed Look Fantastic, just think how fucking slow you’d been had you looked crap.
@bunji
Impressive. Next time, change the formatting so its no so obvious all you did is look up his bib number on the Lombardia roster.
@frank
oh, you mean like:
“by the size of his left tricep, the orange willier, and the open rear brake, I think this is Leonardo Duque…”
@frank For shame Frank! To plagiarize Ricardo Montoban, “It is better to look good than to feel good”! Not marvellous.
@frank
And if her first response is no, try adding in the following to assist,
“It’s ok, I don’t mind if you keep reading your book.”
@bunji
That is exactly what I mean.
@The Pressure
I plagiarized Paul (and credited him) and if he plagiarized Ricky Monotone or whatever, then that’s his fault. I’m not nearly well-read enough to be held accountable for knowing something like that.
Ignorance, as always, is my teflon suit.
Imagine how well you could write if you were sober!
@PeakInTwoYears let us celebrate the fetishization of anecdote, even at the risk we oppress evidence.
@Nate
Yes, let us. Why? Because the anecdote dis-covers the fetish, which dis-covers our desire. Slavoj Zizek: “The only way to break the power of our ideological dream is to confront the Real of our desire which announces itself in this dream.”
In other words, our troll visitors–bless their cotton socks–don’t get it. Consciousness laughs at itself. And then it rides you off its fucking wheel.
@G’rilla
@unversio
@Barracuda …but look how fast I was with my new socks. The anti-gravitational vortex they created when combined with my Salice eyewear and my “needs more black” bike just meant your Rapha kit had no power. You may have also been riding too near the maillot-jaune or the Rabo kit, that shit has a negative force field around it.
@wiscot
Pedale, thoughts? His saddle does look like it’s tipped back to un-ridable angle. Great photo too. I would like to have legs that color.
@Bert Olio
Agreed, no argument here.
They were promptly handed a copy of the rules, of which they took no notice !
@Bert Olio I’ve a feeling that the fact that you happen to be batshit fast on a bike was also a contributing factor to your speed on the weekend…
@PeakInTwoYears Also: @frank repeats himself, first as tragedy then as farce.
Really. I had no idea that men took the Pill.
@frank
Exactly, maybe I was suffering from the perfect amount of dumb to ride in the first place!
@Mikael Liddy
Correct
@Mikael Liddy
Batshit fast on a black with more black bike that conforms to every rule pertaining to bike setup and colour matching. It’s not a coincidence. And I posted an identical time up Nettle to my previous PB there despite the heat so I’m going to believe in the neon socks. Now I just need some black shoes and I’ll be unstoppable.
But I will admit to violating the bidon size rule. I assume whoever wrote that lives in Norway or never ventures very far from civilisation. And Rule #50 needs revising, Vaughters and Brian Holm both sported beards last season and they’ve earned the right to define cool. And if the study referenced is correct and attractiveness determines success I’m amazed any beardless men have ever even finished a race, but then judging by the legions of Justin Beiber fans looking like a 13 year old girl is supposedly hot these days.
I’m not fast. There, I’ve said it. I know I’m a diesel that coughs and splutters a bit but gets there in the end. So, looking good is all I have, both in the V-kit I wear, the way my bike is gussied up and hopefully my riding style. I will never, ever compromise on that, cos when I look good, I feel good and when I feel good, life is sweet.
@frank – nice article, preaching to the converted. VLVV
@Bert Olio
Stirring words sir… but this thread is useless without pictures.
This is the fastest person I have ever seen. Unlikely ever to be beaten!
@Mike_P A-Mercx to that. Though I may not be technically the fastest overall, I do take some pride in looking Fantastic 24/7 , and being the fastest Clydesdale class rider in the North East UK. Fat, fast and fantastic in my weight class…. Being over 40 really sucks sometimes!
@VeloJello
I hear you brother!
@Deakus
Youth is over-rated, says the tired old git.
OF COURSE most of the rules have to do with aesthetics. How many rules do you need to state that one must ride hard, race to win, not be a douche, etc? Those are not really debatable. However the proper kit has many elements which require clarification.
It also helps to have something in print to show the unenlightened that “no, you are not riding with me looking like that.”
@frank
So by this line of thinking, I should just buy a bigger TT helmet…