To Look Good is Already to Go Fast
To look good is already to go fast.
-Paul Fournel, Vélo
My approach to research is pretty straight forward. First, I develop an opinion – usually in a cognitively compromised state. This is the first step in the process for the simple reason that it avoids the bulk of the hard work involving things like reading and thinking. Next, I cherry-pick evidence from my experience and what few materials I have read on the subject in order to support my opinion. Finally, I defend myself with whatever dirty tricks or facts I need to invent in order to maintain my position.
It is only on rare occasions that I will be unable to guess at the evidence I need to support my claim, but in those cases I already know I’m right, so not finding evidence that contradicts my position is almost the same as finding some that supports it. I consider those circumstances validation of my opinion and thus fortify the resolve that I’m right.
Over the lifetime of The Rules, numerous bright sparks have popped up out of the ether like some sort of internet Whack-A-Mole to point out that many of them are all about aesthetics. The point is true enough, but the Velominati have always understoodd that Looking Fantastic is the fundamental building block to finding the motivation to get out on the bike day in, day out – Rule #9 or shine. The fact that the hard work of training is what actually makes you faster is glossed over when you get excited about kitting up in your Flandrian Best, echoing the summoning of Flemish hardmen who have come before you, and using their image to inspire you to get out and lay down the V. Its basic, really.
Despite how certain I’ve always been that this is Truth and that The Rules have been handed down by Merckx from high on Mount Velomis to inspire the masses, an Austrian professor, Dr. Erik Postma of the University of Zurich, recently conducted a study to see whether Looking Fantastic really does indicate athletic prowess.
The results confirmed that Science is unnecessary when you’ve already guessed the truth, but nevertheless it is handy to have a scientific study support my assumptions in case I can’t make up facts as quickly as I need to during an argument. It also strikes me as interesting that the study found that women on the pill are about as good at identifying attractive males as men are.
Thanks to Shaka Mitchell for sending this validating study along to us.
@Deakus
Makes Sagan look like he’s on training wheels
@VeloSix
I would love to be that top tube.
Millar is experimenting with his fantasticality.
@frank
Yes, you let the powers of their advertising and facial hair convince you that you looked good. Their veneer of soul and tradition is too vacuous to support full application of the V. It is crucial to recognize this empirical reality.
@unversio
O dear he has caught Hesjedalitis. That POD shit looks like something out of a kindegarten. Sorry along with the silver gillet he looks like something from a BoneyM concert! (not that I would know what that was obviously #tooyoungandnoideawhothisgermanbandare)….
@Deakus
+1. Garmin are trying so desperately to remain the cool team they used to be, they’ve forgotten just how to be cool.
@Nate
I wish I had the authority to award a badge for this, I suspect the first time “The 18th Brumaire” has been referenced here.
@unversio
That gillet looks like something out of a hikers emergency survival kit. Hideous! And those helmets, did they design those with a crayon on a napkin?
@VeloSix
Shitty looking helmet and gilet aside, those bars have a very shallow drop. Interesting, as it looks as if he has a negative rise slammed stem coupled with the really shallow bars. Discuss.
POC is banking on the idea that your race will include a downhill snow slalom stage.
@VeloSix Decon Hazmat vest.
@VeloSix
Those shades have improved a lot since the early prototypes…
@unversio
Ahahaha. Nice!
I thought I was going to be the only one not cool enough to think that the POC helmets are cool. Someone needs to post up the TT helmets…If you think these look to be designed by crayon, those look to be designed based on Mushmouth’s hat from Fat Albert.
Helmets might be the toughest piece of gear to sort out; what looks good on one can look awful on another. I don’t even like the S-Works anymore, and those used to be slick.
@PeakInTwoYears
I suppose you could nominate me but somehow I doubt the 18th Brumaire is a core part of the computer science curriculum and the reference won’t resonate.
@VeloSix
Perhaps this is why POC made their new TT helmet. Whatever the aerodynamics, though, by Frank’s reasoning it should add minutes to your TT time…
@Deakus
I have nothing witty to say about this photo per se. I just thought the ratio of appearances of it to (the normaly dapper) David Millar’s looking like a chucklehead ran the risk of throwing the Velo universe out of whack.
Stybar looks pretty fast in that road aero helmet. It wraps his head so closely.
Being covered in dirt that you launched with your own front wheel doesn’t hurt either.
@G’rilla
Not only did Stybar Look Fantastic, he looked like a fucking beast! Starting from 4 or 5 rows back and then trading blows with Nys after they put the rest of the field to the sword was impressive. Chapeau to two titans of cyclocross for that race.
@JCM
@G’rilla
how pro is not running discs on a CX bike? pretty damn pro.
I think Stybar might be a greater talent than Sagan.
@Ron
I did not purchase Rapha just because some dude with a beard rode some backroads in Thailand and said he had an epic adventure. I purchased because I liked the look and also the feel.
@Barracuda
It is interesting you had to mention “No EPMS” for to do so suggests that one such normally resides on said bike. Maybe you should try looking fantasic everytime you get on the bike, not just for races?
@unversio
POC? That’s a typo right? Should be POS.
@VeloSix
Rock stars have long hair. Chicks love rock stars. End of discussion.
@Puffy
@frank is right, no one actually reads anything! I dont normally use said EPMS and Saturdays Cogal was by no means a race. Palm on for forehead.
@RedRanger
Liz Hatch would be fast in a potato sack.
@wiscot
I’ve queried his bar / hood choice before because its an odd one. I think they are 3T ergonovas but he has the hoods placed really high on the bend then the bars angled forward to get the ‘right’ fit.
It doesn’t make a lot of sense to me, but maybe he has to do it due to the massive head tube length on those S3’s. It obviously works for him but there must be a better solution to whatever the problem is.
We are all vulnerable now.
@Deakus
I don’t know how Team Vanderkitten has managed to pull off kittens and rainbows and manage to make it Look Fantastic, but these girls already look fast.
And check it out: it works.
@wiscot
Not much too discuss; shallow drops are the compact crank of the handlebar world.
@Ccos
It really is that simple, isn’t it?
@Chris
I had a boss at an early job where I met KRX-10 who was a real firecracker. KRX-10 naturally used an Apple, and the boss would sneak in and stick Fisher-Price stickers all over it after-hours.
Seeing these helmets, I’m find myself yearning for those same stickers…
@Nate
Quite honestly, I’m just smart enough to sort out that you two are being hilarious, but I have no idea why and as such am unable to issue the badge in good conscience.
@G’rilla
…and it is all neutralized by those socks.
I love that he didn’t race CX all year, decided to come back and won the Worlds. I’ve never seen a photo of him off the bike; must Look Epicly Fantastic.
@frank When I started reading that I thought you were comparing desecrating Apples with Fisher Price stickers to posting pictures of blokes in dive masks on your beloved web blog.
As for the helmets; they’re no worse than many of the others out there. At the end of the day, most of us, pros and mere mortals alike fail miserably to wear them with style. If it wasn’t for the (questionable)* argument about safety, helmets would never have got off the ground, you’d have got round to designing a V-cap and we’d all be sporting those.
*Given the amount of Hello Kitty posted above, I thought I could risk re-igniting the helmet flame wars.
@frank
I do however think the “etc” could do with a little bit of definition if it is to become a rule.
@Chris
I’m sorry, Chris. Were you saying something about V-Caps?
@frank
And can we order it ? Stop teasing us Frank.
As for you Chris, there’s plenty of other caps out there to look fantastic in. I know I do.
(now you’re going to mention those bloody tights again)
@frank
Not to be too nit-picky, but when the brim is down, shouldn’t “Obey the Rules” read left-to-right? It reads correctly if the brim is up . . .
@wiscot
Think about that a little bit and I think you answered your own question.
@ChrisO Damn I’d forgotten about those tights. I’m going to have to get my arse up to the Scottish Cogal just to see them again……….
Frank,
It is obvious that the brim is correctly designed. What is not obvious is:
HOW THE FUCK TO WE ORDER THESE ALTOGETHER BITCHIN’ CAPS?
@wiscot
Pic 2 is from the back!
@frank
Responding just so I can see the pictures again. I have ridden with these gals on a charity ride in California. They are as fast as they are good looking. Funny enough, I mostly rode with Amy Charity (Ha!) who is the Colorado State Champ, among other things. These ladies can crush it in the hills. They are the Lady with the Hammer.
@RedRanger Agreed, looking forward to Stybar winning one of the classics this year – I’ve taken ages to write this as I can’t stop looking at the picture of Liz Hatch!
@frank
HURRY UP AND TAKE MY MONEY
In case any of you missed it, Stybar stated just two weeks before the WC that he was still undecided about lining up, but was considering it because his VMH lives near the course. Pay a visit, win some rainbow hoops. Not bad for a weekend plan!
Gotta love the fact that he started out racing BMX, then went to cross, and now is winning on the road. What a talent!
@ChrissyOne
this!
@Ron
Let’s add him to the Boonen, Fabu, Sagan cobbled contenders list. He was a force at P-R last year, with minimal experience, and only figures to be better this year. Fuckyeahcobbles.
@Teocalli
D’oh! (slaps forehead while blushing.)
I have to admit to owning a lot of POC stuff. However, it is EXCELLENT quality.
Also, I was at a warehouse sale this weekend selling those TT helmets for $120. I tried one on for shits and giggles. It looks ridiculous and was fairly heavy and cumbersome.
@Nate
http://fuckyeahcobbles.tumblr.com/
…and +1 Badge to you, matey.