To Look Good is Already to Go Fast

Its no coincidence he looks as fast as he is. Photo: Pedale.Forchetta

To look good is already to go fast.
-Paul Fournel, Vélo

My approach to research is pretty straight forward. First, I develop an opinion – usually in a cognitively compromised state. This is the first step in the process for the simple reason that it avoids the bulk of the hard work involving things like reading and thinking. Next, I cherry-pick evidence from my experience and what few materials I have read on the subject in order to support my opinion. Finally, I defend myself with whatever dirty tricks or facts I need to invent in order to maintain my position.

It is only on rare occasions that I will be unable to guess at the evidence I need to support my claim, but in those cases I already know I’m right, so not finding evidence that contradicts my position is almost the same as finding some that supports it. I consider those circumstances validation of my opinion and thus fortify the resolve that I’m right.

Over the lifetime of The Rules, numerous bright sparks have popped up out of the ether like some sort of internet Whack-A-Mole to point out that many of them are all about aesthetics. The point is true enough, but the Velominati have always understoodd that Looking Fantastic is the fundamental building block to finding the motivation to get out on the bike day in, day out – Rule #9 or shine. The fact that the hard work of training is what actually makes you faster is glossed over when you get excited about kitting up in your Flandrian Best, echoing the summoning of Flemish hardmen who have come before you, and using their image to inspire you to get out and lay down the V. Its basic, really.

Despite how certain I’ve always been that this is Truth and that The Rules have been handed down by Merckx from high on Mount Velomis to inspire the masses, an Austrian professor, Dr. Erik Postma of the University of Zurich, recently conducted a study to see whether Looking Fantastic really does indicate athletic prowess.

The results confirmed that Science is unnecessary when you’ve already guessed the truth, but nevertheless it is handy to have a scientific study support my assumptions in case I can’t make up facts as quickly as I need to during an argument. It also strikes me as interesting that the study found that women on the pill are about as good at identifying attractive males as men are.

Thanks to Shaka Mitchell for sending this validating study along to us.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Barracuda says:

Feb 10 2014 at 6:01 pm

@PeakInTwoYears

@Barracuda

Statistical analysis would validate the underlying thesis. Individual cases are just that. Perhaps we could entertain this claim: "All or most things being equal, to look good is already to go faster."

But what a pedantic fucking construction.

I can tell you this though, at the end of the day, the Stella Artois looked good, and the went fast !

Therefore - Point proven i guess
Barracuda says:

Feb 10 2014 at 6:01 pm

"they" - shit keyboard
bunji says:

Feb 10 2014 at 6:04 pm

DUQUE Leonardo Fabio
frank says:

Feb 10 2014 at 6:06 pm

@Barracuda

To Look Good is Already to Go Fast .
Mmmmm, let me be a thorn in the side of that argument @frank.

For Saturdays Cogal I tried my absolute best to look good in order to go fast. No EPMS, all Rapha'd up. etc etc etc.

Then 45 degree celsius hit and a fcker of a Northerly wind hit us and my fast went out the back door. #5 and #9 were continually repeated in head by my little brain. But alas, fast I was not.

It is possible you did not look as good as you thought, but if you did indeed Look Fantastic, just think how fucking slow you'd been had you looked crap.

@bunji

DUQUE Leonardo Fabio

Impressive. Next time, change the formatting so its no so obvious all you did is look up his bib number on the Lombardia roster.
bunji says:

Feb 10 2014 at 6:19 pm

@frank

oh, you mean like:

"by the size of his left tricep, the orange willier, and the open rear brake, I think this is Leonardo Duque..."
The Pressure says:

Feb 10 2014 at 6:19 pm

@frank For shame Frank! To plagiarize Ricardo Montoban, "It is better to look good than to feel good"! Not marvellous.
Marcus says:

Feb 10 2014 at 6:35 pm

@frank

@VeloSix

I have been urged by the VMH');" class="comment-link">VMH and a couple of her fellow friends that my "long" hair makes me a sexy man beast, and I shouldn't cut it as I intend to do this spring. (Long for me is when it's in my eyes, and over my ears) Its hot as fuck in the summer and I hate it.

This article makes me want to keep it, although will it make me faster or give me some sexy man beast reputation to live up to..... that is the question....

I think any time your wife refers to you as a sexy man beast, that's pretty great. Especially since her friends seem to validate it. That's even pretty greater.

I would advise you to keep your long hair despite whatever crappy reason you can come up with as to cut it. Your long hair might even lead to "sexy man beast" sex, which is way better than the usual kind, which is "if you absolutely must but make it quick because my show is on in five minutes" sex to which the customary response is, "Five minutes? More than I need."

And if her first response is no, try adding in the following to assist,

"It's ok, I don't mind if you keep reading your book."
frank says:

Feb 10 2014 at 6:41 pm

@bunji

@frank

oh, you mean like:

"by the size of his left tricep, the orange willier, and the open rear brake, I think this is Leonardo Duque..."

That is exactly what I mean.
frank says:

Feb 10 2014 at 6:47 pm

@The Pressure

@frank For shame Frank! To plagiarize Ricardo Montoban, "It is better to look good than to feel good"! Not marvellous.

I plagiarized Paul (and credited him) and if he plagiarized Ricky Monotone or whatever, then that's his fault. I'm not nearly well-read enough to be held accountable for knowing something like that.

Ignorance, as always, is my teflon suit.
Robert says:

Feb 10 2014 at 7:21 pm

Imagine how well you could write if you were sober!