To Look Good is Already to Go Fast

Its no coincidence he looks as fast as he is. Photo: Pedale.Forchetta

To look good is already to go fast.
-Paul Fournel, Vélo

My approach to research is pretty straight forward. First, I develop an opinion – usually in a cognitively compromised state. This is the first step in the process for the simple reason that it avoids the bulk of the hard work involving things like reading and thinking. Next, I cherry-pick evidence from my experience and what few materials I have read on the subject in order to support my opinion. Finally, I defend myself with whatever dirty tricks or facts I need to invent in order to maintain my position.

It is only on rare occasions that I will be unable to guess at the evidence I need to support my claim, but in those cases I already know I’m right, so not finding evidence that contradicts my position is almost the same as finding some that supports it. I consider those circumstances validation of my opinion and thus fortify the resolve that I’m right.

Over the lifetime of The Rules, numerous bright sparks have popped up out of the ether like some sort of internet Whack-A-Mole to point out that many of them are all about aesthetics. The point is true enough, but the Velominati have always understoodd that Looking Fantastic is the fundamental building block to finding the motivation to get out on the bike day in, day out – Rule #9 or shine. The fact that the hard work of training is what actually makes you faster is glossed over when you get excited about kitting up in your Flandrian Best, echoing the summoning of Flemish hardmen who have come before you, and using their image to inspire you to get out and lay down the V. Its basic, really.

Despite how certain I’ve always been that this is Truth and that The Rules have been handed down by Merckx from high on Mount Velomis to inspire the masses, an Austrian professor, Dr. Erik Postma of the University of Zurich, recently conducted a study to see whether Looking Fantastic really does indicate athletic prowess.

The results confirmed that Science is unnecessary when you’ve already guessed the truth, but nevertheless it is handy to have a scientific study support my assumptions in case I can’t make up facts as quickly as I need to during an argument. It also strikes me as interesting that the study found that women on the pill are about as good at identifying attractive males as men are.

Thanks to Shaka Mitchell for sending this validating study along to us.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Nate says:

Feb 10 2014 at 7:37 pm

@PeakInTwoYears let us celebrate the fetishization of anecdote, even at the risk we oppress evidence.
PeakInTwoYears says:

Feb 10 2014 at 7:58 pm

@Nate

Yes, let us. Why? Because the anecdote dis-covers the fetish, which dis-covers our desire. Slavoj Zizek: "The only way to break the power of our ideological dream is to confront the Real of our desire which announces itself in this dream."

In other words, our troll visitors--bless their cotton socks--don't get it. Consciousness laughs at itself. And then it rides you off its fucking wheel.
frank says:

Feb 10 2014 at 8:53 pm

@G'rilla

This is freaky...I read the first line of the article ending in "usually in a cognitively". Then I thought "I bet this sentence ends with 'compromised state.'" Then I read the rest of the sentence on the next line.

And it did.

Maybe I should try to write an article for Velominati. Could someone provide me with the first 5 words to get me started?

@unversio

I can't write 5 words.
Bert Olio says:

Feb 10 2014 at 8:53 pm

@Barracuda ...but look how fast I was with my new socks. The anti-gravitational vortex they created when combined with my Salice eyewear and my "needs more black" bike just meant your Rapha kit had no power. You may have also been riding too near the maillot-jaune or the Rabo kit, that shit has a negative force field around it.
Gianni says:

Feb 10 2014 at 9:08 pm

@wiscot

And naturally, they use a pic of Faboo to illustrate the article. Point made.

BTW, who is the rider in the lead pic and is he having saddle issues? I understand that the road is very steep, but there's no way, surely, from our vantage point that we should see that much of the saddle?

Pedale, thoughts? His saddle does look like it's tipped back to un-ridable angle. Great photo too. I would like to have legs that color.
Barracuda says:

Feb 10 2014 at 9:37 pm

@Bert Olio

@Barracuda ...but look how fast I was with my new socks. The anti-gravitational vortex they created when combined with my Salice eyewear and my "needs more black" bike just meant your Rapha kit had no power. You may have also been riding too near the maillot-jaune or the Rabo kit, that shit has a negative force field around it.

Agreed, no argument here.

They were promptly handed a copy of the rules, of which they took no notice !
Mikael Liddy says:

Feb 10 2014 at 9:43 pm

@Bert Olio I've a feeling that the fact that you happen to be batshit fast on a bike was also a contributing factor to your speed on the weekend...
Nate says:

Feb 10 2014 at 9:45 pm

@PeakInTwoYears Also: @frank repeats himself, first as tragedy then as farce.
RobsMuir says:

Feb 10 2014 at 9:47 pm

Really. I had no idea that men took the Pill.
Barracuda says:

Feb 10 2014 at 9:49 pm

@frank

@Barracuda

To Look Good is Already to Go Fast .
Mmmmm, let me be a thorn in the side of that argument @frank.

For Saturdays Cogal I tried my absolute best to look good in order to go fast. No EPMS');" class="comment-link">EPMS, all Rapha'd up. etc etc etc.

Then 45 degree celsius hit and a fcker of a Northerly wind hit us and my fast went out the back door. #5 and #9 were continually repeated in head by my little brain. But alas, fast I was not.

It is possible you did not look as good as you thought, but if you did indeed Look Fantastic, just think how fucking slow you'd been had you looked crap.

Exactly, maybe I was suffering from the perfect amount of dumb to ride in the first place!