To Look Good is Already to Go Fast

Its no coincidence he looks as fast as he is. Photo: Pedale.Forchetta

To look good is already to go fast.
-Paul Fournel, Vélo

My approach to research is pretty straight forward. First, I develop an opinion – usually in a cognitively compromised state. This is the first step in the process for the simple reason that it avoids the bulk of the hard work involving things like reading and thinking. Next, I cherry-pick evidence from my experience and what few materials I have read on the subject in order to support my opinion. Finally, I defend myself with whatever dirty tricks or facts I need to invent in order to maintain my position.

It is only on rare occasions that I will be unable to guess at the evidence I need to support my claim, but in those cases I already know I’m right, so not finding evidence that contradicts my position is almost the same as finding some that supports it. I consider those circumstances validation of my opinion and thus fortify the resolve that I’m right.

Over the lifetime of The Rules, numerous bright sparks have popped up out of the ether like some sort of internet Whack-A-Mole to point out that many of them are all about aesthetics. The point is true enough, but the Velominati have always understoodd that Looking Fantastic is the fundamental building block to finding the motivation to get out on the bike day in, day out – Rule #9 or shine. The fact that the hard work of training is what actually makes you faster is glossed over when you get excited about kitting up in your Flandrian Best, echoing the summoning of Flemish hardmen who have come before you, and using their image to inspire you to get out and lay down the V. Its basic, really.

Despite how certain I’ve always been that this is Truth and that The Rules have been handed down by Merckx from high on Mount Velomis to inspire the masses, an Austrian professor, Dr. Erik Postma of the University of Zurich, recently conducted a study to see whether Looking Fantastic really does indicate athletic prowess.

The results confirmed that Science is unnecessary when you’ve already guessed the truth, but nevertheless it is handy to have a scientific study support my assumptions in case I can’t make up facts as quickly as I need to during an argument. It also strikes me as interesting that the study found that women on the pill are about as good at identifying attractive males as men are.

Thanks to Shaka Mitchell for sending this validating study along to us.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Barracuda says:

Feb 11 2014 at 5:20 pm

@Ron

@frank

@Barracuda

To Look Good is Already to Go Fast .
Mmmmm, let me be a thorn in the side of that argument @frank.

For Saturdays Cogal I tried my absolute best to look good in order to go fast. No EPMS');" class="comment-link">EPMS, all Rapha'd up. etc etc etc.

Then 45 degree celsius hit and a fcker of a Northerly wind hit us and my fast went out the back door. #5 and #9 were continually repeated in head by my little brain. But alas, fast I was not.

It is possible you did not look as good as you thought, but if you did indeed Look Fantastic, just think how fucking slow you'd been had you looked crap.

Yes, you let the powers of their advertising and facial hair convince you that you looked good. Their veneer of soul and tradition is too vacuous to support full application of The V. It is crucial to recognize this empirical reality.

I did not purchase Rapha just because some dude with a beard rode some backroads in Thailand and said he had an epic adventure. I purchased because I liked the look and also the feel.
Puffy says:

Feb 11 2014 at 7:18 pm

@Barracuda

For Saturdays Cogal I tried my absolute best to look good in order to go fast. No EPMS, all Rapha'd up. etc etc etc.

It is interesting you had to mention "No EPMS" for to do so suggests that one such normally resides on said bike. Maybe you should try looking fantasic everytime you get on the bike, not just for races?
Puffy says:

Feb 11 2014 at 7:26 pm

@unversio

Millar is experimenting with his fantasticality.

POC? That's a typo right? Should be POS.
doubleR says:

Feb 11 2014 at 8:28 pm

@VeloSix

I have been urged by the VMH and a couple of her fellow friends that my "long" hair makes me a sexy man beast, and I shouldn't cut it as I intend to do this spring. (Long for me is when it's in my eyes, and over my ears) Its hot as fuck in the summer and I hate it.

This article makes me want to keep it, although will it make me faster or give me some sexy man beast reputation to live up to..... that is the question....

Rock stars have long hair. Chicks love rock stars. End of discussion.
Barracuda says:

Feb 11 2014 at 8:45 pm

@Puffy

@Barracuda

For Saturdays Cogal I tried my absolute best to look good in order to go fast. No EPMS, all Rapha'd up. etc etc etc.

It is interesting you had to mention "No EPMS" for to do so suggests that one such normally resides on said bike. Maybe you should try looking fantasic everytime you get on the bike, not just for races?

@frank is right, no one actually reads anything! I dont normally use said EPMS and Saturdays Cogal was by no means a race. Palm on for forehead.
Rom says:

Feb 11 2014 at 9:21 pm

@RedRanger

@VeloSix

@Deakus

This is the fastest person I have ever seen. Unlikely ever to be beaten!

Makes Sagan look like he's on training wheels

I would love to be that top tube.

Liz Hatch would be fast in a potato sack.
norm says:

Feb 12 2014 at 4:31 am

@wiscot

@VeloSix

@unversio

Millar is experimenting with his fantasticality.

Shitty looking helmet and gilet aside, those bars have a very shallow drop. Interesting, as it looks as if he has a negative rise slammed stem coupled with the really shallow bars. Discuss.

I've queried his bar / hood choice before because its an odd one. I think they are 3T ergonovas but he has the hoods placed really high on the bend then the bars angled forward to get the 'right' fit.

It doesn't make a lot of sense to me, but maybe he has to do it due to the massive head tube length on those S3's. It obviously works for him but there must be a better solution to whatever the problem is.
unversio says:

Feb 12 2014 at 5:21 am

We are all vulnerable now.
frank says:

Feb 12 2014 at 6:59 am

@Deakus

This is the fastest person I have ever seen. Unlikely ever to be beaten!

I don't know how Team Vanderkitten has managed to pull off kittens and rainbows and manage to make it Look Fantastic, but these girls already look fast.

And check it out: it works.
frank says:

Feb 12 2014 at 7:05 am

@wiscot

@VeloSix

@unversio

Millar is experimenting with his fantasticality.

That gillet looks like something out of a hikers emergency survival kit. Hideous! And those helmets, did they design those with a crayon on a napkin?

Shitty looking helmet and gilet aside, those bars have a very shallow drop. Interesting, as it looks as if he has a negative rise slammed stem coupled with the really shallow bars. Discuss.

Not much too discuss; shallow drops are the compact crank of the handlebar world.

@Ccos

OF COURSE most of the rules have to do with aesthetics. How many rules do you need to state that one must ride hard, race to win, not be a douche, etc? Those are not really debatable. However the proper kit has many elements which require clarification.

It really is that simple, isn't it?