Spiderman and His Climbing Monkey

Spiderman photo: G. Watson

How can anyone be such a great cyclist and look so ungainly on a bike? Does this not violate a basic tenet of V-philosophy? Would he not be faster if his knees and elbows were tucked in neatly, aligned with his forward motion?

On riding style alone Quintana has a huge edge, he just looks good as he climbs. He should be able to summon some extra V just on the looking-good-is-feeling-good-factor.

Pinot versus Bardet: Pinot always looks like he is in a fight with his bike on the uphills. Again, wouldn’t less fighting and more souplesse translate into more speed? Like Tommy ‘man of a thousand faces’ Voeckler, his climbing style of off the back, sprint forward, out of the saddle, jersey open, drift off the back again…and repeat. It makes no sense but the guy gets it done.

Looking good on the rivet on the flats is easier: a flat back, everything tucked in, body pulled low over the bike, almost everyone looks pretty awesome going hard when the terrain is level. Put the road into double digit ascent and everything comes off the rails. One’s inner climbing monkey comes out and some monkeys just look better than others. It’s not a reflection of inner beauty or Hardness or a life more cleanly lived. To paraphrase Don ‘puddin’ face’ Rumsfeld, you climb with the monkey you got, not the climbing monkey you wish you had.

My monkey is a slothie, sweaty old beast with one paw in the grave. It’s always been my monkey and we have become good friends. Froome’s is a Sumatran spider monkey, hopped up on a diet of buffo toads and fermented bananas. When that monkey appears, everyone better get out of the way.

Gianni

Gianni has left the building.

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Randy C says:

Jul 4 2016 at 9:16 am

@Gianni

@Teocalli

@Zman

Perhaps, you can ask him the question about being faster with elbows tucked when you’re riding next to him in some climb. If not, who gives a flying f&@$?!

what’s next, having the right haircut?

Ask Marcel Kitel.

I fear Marecl is not drawing sufficient V from his hairdoo. The lad is getting beaten? WTF. Maybe Bob ‘welcome to the ‘ Jungles has siphoned off some. There is only so much V-doo in the universe.

All the hair V-doo in the world isn't gonna be enough when Mr Cav is hot. Dang. That dude is definitely drawing on some superior experience in add'n to being on his game right now. Hear him talking about today's finish ?

This has to be the golden age of watching the tour right now. In between live streaming on the net, the HD broadcast, the replays, let alone the great athletes. Just a real treat to watch. I'm even diggin' Jens' thoughts. And has a cool Look bike been out front in every stage? And yellow jersey wearing white sox? "Minor" detail. Cheers all.
chris says:

Jul 4 2016 at 9:29 am

@Randy C

@Gianni

@Teocalli

@Zman

Perhaps, you can ask him the question about being faster with elbows tucked when you’re riding next to him in some climb. If not, who gives a flying f&@$?!

what’s next, having the right haircut?

Ask Marcel Kitel.

I fear Marecl is not drawing sufficient V from his hairdoo. The lad is getting beaten? WTF. Maybe Bob ‘welcome to the ‘ Jungles has siphoned off some. There is only so much V-doo in the universe.

All the hair V-doo in the world isn’t gonna be enough when Mr Cav is hot. Dang. That dude is definitely drawing on some superior experience in add’n to being on his game right now. Hear him talking about today’s finish ?

This has to be the golden age of watching the tour right now. In between live streaming on the net, the HD broadcast, the replays, let alone the great athletes. Just a real treat to watch. I’m even diggin’ Jens’ thoughts. And has a cool Look bike been out front in every stage? And yellow jersey wearing white sox? “Minor” detail. Cheers all.

Cav is on fire at the moment. Who'd have thought he'd been written off as past it.

Shame about the green onesie, though.
frank says:

Jul 4 2016 at 10:18 am

@Marcus

Froome is just the latest version of a long line. If you are a GC contender from an English-speaking country (who is not from a track background and you aren’t Phil Anderson) you look crap on a bike. To wit:

Cadelephant – whilst his TT position was a thing of beauty, his dead man’s grip and his inability to rock a poker face, made him painful to watch

Cotho – his high cadence was nice, but he didn’t look great. Those pointed toes, ergh.

Landis – maybe it was the Phonak kit, or the roid rage, he never looked right.

Hamilton, Leipheimer, Porte, the list goes on. Hesjedal wasn’t completely offensive to watch, but he is Canadian, so maybe the French-speakers of Montreal influenced.

Then consider the likes of the endurance trackies like Wiggins, McGee, O’Grady – lovely to watch.

This contender from an English speaking country wasn't too hard on the eyes.
RobSandy says:

Jul 4 2016 at 1:20 pm

@Randy C

And has a cool Look bike been out front in every stage?

I'n glad I'm not the only one who noticed that - I thought Fonseca's bike looked sweeeeet.

And Sagan - he said he thought the peleton should have gone for coffee or to a bar because the pace was slow and he was having a nice time. What a legend.
Ccos says:

Jul 4 2016 at 1:24 pm

@frank

@Marcus

Froome is just the latest version of a long line. If you are a GC contender from an English-speaking country (who is not from a track background and you aren’t Phil Anderson) you look crap on a bike. To wit:

Cadelephant – whilst his TT position was a thing of beauty, his dead man’s grip and his inability to rock a poker face, made him painful to watch

Cotho – his high cadence was nice, but he didn’t look great. Those pointed toes, ergh.

Landis – maybe it was the Phonak kit, or the roid rage, he never looked right.

Hamilton, Leipheimer, Porte, the list goes on. Hesjedal wasn’t completely offensive to watch, but he is Canadian, so maybe the French-speakers of Montreal influenced.

Then consider the likes of the endurance trackies like Wiggins, McGee, O’Grady – lovely to watch.

This contender from an English speaking country wasn’t too hard on the eyes.

Agreed, and doing his Barry Hoban-style yell no less.
Marcus says:

Jul 4 2016 at 5:06 pm

@frank

Ok, OK, I should have known that would bring out your Dirty Schleck Love of Lemelvis.
Buck Rogers says:

Jul 4 2016 at 6:33 pm

@litvi

Froomey’s not so much a monkey as a giraffe at a watering hole.

We call Coppi a spider because of his similar build, but at least the mofo looked PHENOMMMM on a bike. He knew what plane to keep those knees and elbows on. Sit back, reach out, and let the limbs spin.

For what it’s worth, Merckx looks great climbing… in still photos. But put that picture in motion? It looked like he was built with rubber bones. I get that he was rolling all the toothpaste out of the tube in every stroke, but damn it looks ungainly. The only thing saving that visual from total catastrophe was his white socks. (Scientific fact, bitches. Look it up.)

Museeuw on the other hand? Lovely to watch on any terrain.

YES! So I am not the only one who thought that about Merckx.

Completely agree: Looks The Boss in photos but DAMN he was always so labouring in all the vids when he was climbing. All over his bike, rocking his shoulders, just grinding it out. But I guess when your granny gear was a 42/23 some slack is given!
Buck Rogers says:

Jul 4 2016 at 6:37 pm

@Lukas

@Powermetre

Yes! That man was (is) pure class.
Shane Courtney says:

Jul 5 2016 at 2:20 am

http://www.qcodemag.it/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/pantani-alpe-dhuez.jpg
slatanic says:

Jul 5 2016 at 3:50 am