An ancient Velominati legend states that when the The Prophet created the common fly, he gave it a maximum air speed of exactly 12 kilometers per hour. When he created the common Cyclist, on the other hand, he gave us a maximum climbing speed of 11.9 kilometers per hour.
The worst flies on the planet live in the Pyrenees, where it is hot and humid. I recall an overcast typical day in the Pyrenees, the kind of day where the flies pull back the drapes, look outside, and decide to take the whole family out to the Cols for an afternoon of Cyclist Surfing. As it happened, we were on a big ride that day; we started with the Col d’Aspin, went over the Tourmalet, and ended at Luz Ardiden as the sun was tucking in behind the shoulders of the mountains surrounding us.
It was here, on the lower slopes of the last climb, down within the suffocating effect of the tree line where our sanity was most severely tested. Luz Ardiden is the cruelest kind of climb, the sort that is always one hour from ending, as Will Fotheringham once pointed out. With 13km to go, the speed you climb at is 13km/h; with 12km to go, the speed drops to 12km/h, then to 11, and so on with always an hours’ riding left before you.
The guns had been thoroughly drained of any power after 160km over two of the most fearsome climbs in the Pyrenees; the mind was not far from cracking. I do not know what is worse; the noise of their flying droves, or their endless dancing upon the arms and legs, but the flies here are incessant. It is hard enough, climbing at track-stand speed, without the added challenge of doing so while wildly swinging an arm or two about and cursing every manner of airborne invertebrate.
The reserves were tapped and the bottom of the V-Well scraped for every bit of speed in an effort to escape this torturous hell. Above the treeline and into the pastures, the flies found more appealing hosts than boney Cyclists, and I was left to once again commune with butterflies – the only sort of flying insect I find at all tolerable.
Every summertime climb I have ever done has been accompanied by these pests; and every summertime climb – irrespective of my fitness – has been enjoyed at a maximum speed of just under 12 kilometers per hour. Having insects capable of flying a bit faster than the struggling cyclist is Nature’s enforcement of Rule #5, it is the Way of Things.
Vive la Vie Velominatus.
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Get to top, turn around, fly down, mouth open. Revenge.
Pardon the pun.
@Xyverz
It's truly beautiful. When you go, be sure to hang out for a while in the cafe in Luz San Sauveur village square, at the foot of the climb. That place just reeks Rule #80 compliance with riders from around the world chatting and sharing their stories.
@napolinige
The worst flies I ever experienced were out in Pillsbury Forest in Northern Minnesota - they were so bad, you'd smack your hand on your neck and get about 15 of them right there. We rode in long-sleeve wind-breakers with the zipper down so the jacket would poof up and the flies couldn't bite you. And baggy shorts for the same effect.
And there too, I think our speeds were in the 12kp/h range altogether too often.
"Luz Ardiden is the cruelest kind of climb, the sort that is always one hour from ending....."
Oh I hear you brother, I hear you.
@PeakInTwoYears
I leave a week from Friday... Consequently, no Whidbey Cogal, with or without flies.
@Graeme
Fair enough. And now I don't want to, neither.
@meursault
I honestly don't know where some of you keep these photos just in case there's a relevant time to post them.
@American Psycho I don't think too many of us would consider him a Common Cyclist.
@Graeme
I have and I defy anthing to be worse in Europe
@Mike_P
While I don't dispute your assessment of my character in principle, it is in this case the other way around, mate. Photo was taken in 2003 and has been offered as a VVallpaper since 2011, when taking your avatar shot was hardly a twinkle in your camera-hands index finger.
(I also doubt either of us was the first to take a photo from this particularly glorious location.)
Ouch, Solour (is that spelled right?) is another bad one. We were actually up there training for the L'Etape in '03 and we hit that one during the event. I have no memory of the bugs on that climb - only the pain.
@frank I concede to you on the dates :-)
I just came back from the Pyrenees and lesson is learnt, as you can see the annoying fellas managed to appear on the picture.