Categories: Anatomy of a PhotoAwesome French GuysFolkloreNostalgia

Anatomy Of A Photo: Mad Jacques, Pioneer Of Neutral Service

“OÃ¹ est ma voiture banane?”

Whenever you see one of those yellow cars or motorcycles laden with spare wheels and manned by efficiently deliberate young professionals with no allegiance or favour to any one rider, take a moment to reflect on the oft-overlooked pioneer of the neutral service as we know it today, M. Jacques Mavic.

Usually only sighted once a year in July, Jacques would appear out of the thin air of the Alps, armed with his trusty Silca and a set of nail clippers, offering assistance to any rider that needed it. Most of the time, they didn’t, but they knew when that mad glint lit up in his eyes, there was no course of action beyond waiting for the police to arrive while Jacques manically pumped an already inflated tyre while yelling “Mes tÃªtards émigrent”.

The last known sighting of M. Mavic (which translates literally as “replace me”) was around 1957 around Grenoble. The only remaining evidence of Jacques’ and his innovative service work is his oil-stained raincoat and a matchbox containing a 3/16 ball bearing tangled in hair, now housed in the Plumbers Museum in Oudenaarde. With only patchy anecdotal history to go by, the life of Jacques is still one of mystery, violence and paté.

*What do you know of Jacques’ history?

Brett

Don't blame me

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View Comments

Ron says:

Nov 13 2014 at 9:18 am

This AOP is going great places. I'm excited!

Also, I need a raincoat like that to wear for cyclocommuting. I think it would make me extra visible to cars with it tailing me in the breeze like a sail.
Nate says:

Nov 13 2014 at 11:08 am

@brett

@Nate

I'd like to get that recipe...

I'm sure you are familiar with the general outlines, but the details I imagine died with him.
brett says:

Nov 13 2014 at 6:43 pm

@wiscot

I have to say, the afflicted rider is showing levels of calmness not repeated until Tommeke in Paris-Roubaix in 2011. Of course, I doubt he can get a word in edgeways as I'll bet Mad Jacques talked like a mad fucker on speed.

Yes, the rider is none other than Henri Simplex ('Simple Henry'), who was Jacques' preferred target as Henri, being the village idiot, would always cede and never put up any resistance to Jacques' manic inflating.

Here we see Henri's trademark 'nipple goggles' worn proudly around the chest, and it looks as though his front jersey pockets are stuffed with walnuts and a head of cabbage, which his mother would pack for him every ride. She is out of frame to the left, also yelling at Henri to "pick up some lawn clippings on the way home." Rumours abounded in the village that in fact Jacques and Mrs Mavic had a long and steamy affair, possibly resulting in the birth of Henri.
Buck Rogers says:

Nov 13 2014 at 6:53 pm

@brett

@wiscot

I have to say, the afflicted rider is showing levels of calmness not repeated until Tommeke in Paris-Roubaix in 2011. Of course, I doubt he can get a word in edgeways as I'll bet Mad Jacques talked like a mad fucker on speed.

Yes, the rider is none other than Henri Simplex ('Simple Henry'), who was Jacques' preferred target as Henri, being the village idiot, would always cede and never put up any resistance to Jacques' manic inflating.

Here we see Henri's trademark 'nipple goggles' worn proudly around the chest, and it looks as though his front jersey pockets are stuffed with walnuts and a head of cabbage, which his mother would pack for him every ride. She is out of frame to the left, also yelling at Henri to "pick up some lawn clippings on the way home." Rumours abounded in the village that in fact Jacques and Mrs Mavic had a long and steamy affair, possibly resulting in the birth of Henri.

I think that the Misses and Jacques also gave birth to Henri's younger brother and thus also created a long lasting legacy forever remembered in the lore of love. They named him Herpes with much affection.
brett says:

Nov 13 2014 at 6:56 pm

@Nate

@brett

@Nate

I'd like to get that recipe...

I'm sure you are familiar with the general outlines, but the details I imagine died with him.

Indeed, some say Jacques was found dead in a hotel room of a massive Pot Belge overdose, while others say he may have been murdered.
Nate says:

Nov 13 2014 at 9:35 pm

@Buck Rogers don't forget the sister, Gonorrhea.

@brett so difficult to tell the difference between OD and murder. If only M Poirot could have been induced to investigate the case of a lowly fellow Walloon. But no, Hercule was too busy indulging his Anglophilia, from Sussex to Monaco and points oriental.
Nate says:

Nov 13 2014 at 9:35 pm

@brett and by the way, it was a cheap brothel, not a hotel.
brett says:

Nov 14 2014 at 12:06 am

@Nate

@brett and by the way, it was a cheap brothel, not a hotel.

I always get those two mixed up...
brett says:

Nov 14 2014 at 12:15 am

@Nate

@Buck Rogers don't forget the sister, Gonorrhea.

No one forgets Gonorrhea... or the brother.
wiscot says:

Nov 14 2014 at 6:27 am

@Buck Rogers

@brett

@wiscot

I have to say, the afflicted rider is showing levels of calmness not repeated until Tommeke in Paris-Roubaix in 2011. Of course, I doubt he can get a word in edgeways as I'll bet Mad Jacques talked like a mad fucker on speed.

Yes, the rider is none other than Henri Simplex ('Simple Henry'), who was Jacques' preferred target as Henri, being the village idiot, would always cede and never put up any resistance to Jacques' manic inflating.

Here we see Henri's trademark 'nipple goggles' worn proudly around the chest, and it looks as though his front jersey pockets are stuffed with walnuts and a head of cabbage, which his mother would pack for him every ride. She is out of frame to the left, also yelling at Henri to "pick up some lawn clippings on the way home." Rumours abounded in the village that in fact Jacques and Mrs Mavic had a long and steamy affair, possibly resulting in the birth of Henri.

I think that the Misses and Jacques also gave birth to Henri's younger brother and thus also created a long lasting legacy forever remembered in the lore of love. They named him Herpes with much affection.

I thought Herpes was one of the Greek gods? The messenger of the gods with wee wings on his feet. He carried a herald's wand and wore a traveler's cap. The pump is clearly the wand and his beret is the cap. So in actuality, Mad Jacques is actually Herpes in disguise.