Anatomy Of A Photo: Mad Jacques, Pioneer Of Neutral Service

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• @wiscot

  @Teocalli

  @wiscot

  @Buck Rogers

  @brett

  @wiscot

  I have to say, the afflicted rider is showing levels of calmness not repeated until Tommeke in Paris-Roubaix in 2011. Of course, I doubt he can get a word in edgeways as I'll bet Mad Jacques talked like a mad fucker on speed.

  Yes, the rider is none other than Henri Simplex ('Simple Henry'), who was Jacques' preferred target as Henri, being the village idiot, would always cede and never put up any resistance to Jacques' manic inflating.

  Here we see Henri's trademark 'nipple goggles' worn proudly around the chest, and it looks as though his front jersey pockets are stuffed with walnuts and a head of cabbage, which his mother would pack for him every ride. She is out of frame to the left, also yelling at Henri to "pick up some lawn clippings on the way home." Rumours abounded in the village that in fact Jacques and Mrs Mavic had a long and steamy affair, possibly resulting in the birth of Henri.

  I think that the Misses and Jacques also gave birth to Henri's younger brother and thus also created a long lasting legacy forever remembered in the lore of love. They named him Herpes with much affection.

  I thought Herpes was one of the Greek gods? The messenger of the gods with wee wings on his feet. He carried a herald's wand and wore a traveler's cap. The pump is clearly the wand and his beret is the cap. So in actuality, Mad Jacques is actually Herpes in disguise.

  Wasn't Herpes the Greek King of the Mountains God from the Red Polka Dots hence the origin of the jersey?

  Nah, that was his sister Chlamydia.

  @Nate

  @brett

  @Nate

  @brett and by the way, it was a cheap brothel, not a hotel.

  I always get those two mixed up...

  I wonder why?

  @Teocalli

  @wiscot I bow to your clearly superior knowledge of these things.........

   

   

  I just FUCK'IN love where this has gone.  Who the fuck needs facebook when you have the V site, BABY!

• @Teocalli

  @wiscot I bow to your clearly superior knowledge of these things.........

  In my defense, I had to google the spelling.

• It is rumored that Jacques frequented the Carcassonne sperm bank to leave a deposit and receive his cash reward with which he pruchased Gauloise and Martell.  I am further led to believe the services of said sperm bank may have produced at least one U.S. based rider from Texas. Just a rumor, but.........

• @Buck Rogers

  @wiscot

  @Teocalli

  @wiscot

  @Buck Rogers

  @brett

  @wiscot

  I have to say, the afflicted rider is showing levels of calmness not repeated until Tommeke in Paris-Roubaix in 2011. Of course, I doubt he can get a word in edgeways as I'll bet Mad Jacques talked like a mad fucker on speed.

  Yes, the rider is none other than Henri Simplex ('Simple Henry'), who was Jacques' preferred target as Henri, being the village idiot, would always cede and never put up any resistance to Jacques' manic inflating.

  Here we see Henri's trademark 'nipple goggles' worn proudly around the chest, and it looks as though his front jersey pockets are stuffed with walnuts and a head of cabbage, which his mother would pack for him every ride. She is out of frame to the left, also yelling at Henri to "pick up some lawn clippings on the way home." Rumours abounded in the village that in fact Jacques and Mrs Mavic had a long and steamy affair, possibly resulting in the birth of Henri.

  I think that the Misses and Jacques also gave birth to Henri's younger brother and thus also created a long lasting legacy forever remembered in the lore of love. They named him Herpes with much affection.

  I thought Herpes was one of the Greek gods? The messenger of the gods with wee wings on his feet. He carried a herald's wand and wore a traveler's cap. The pump is clearly the wand and his beret is the cap. So in actuality, Mad Jacques is actually Herpes in disguise.

  Wasn't Herpes the Greek King of the Mountains God from the Red Polka Dots hence the origin of the jersey?

  Nah, that was his sister Chlamydia.

  @Nate

  @brett

  @Nate

  @brett and by the way, it was a cheap brothel, not a hotel.

  I always get those two mixed up...

  I wonder why?

  @Teocalli

  @wiscot I bow to your clearly superior knowledge of these things.........

  I just FUCK'IN love where this has gone. Who the fuck needs facebook when you have the V site, BABY!

  A-Merckx brother. Finally someone said it!

• @wiscot

  @Buck Rogers

  @Nate

  @Buck Rogers don't forget the sister, Gonorrhea.

  @brett so difficult to tell the difference between OD and murder. If only M Poirot could have been induced to investigate the case of a lowly fellow Walloon. But no, Hercule was too busy indulging his Anglophilia, from Sussex to Monaco and points oriental.

  All of my kids and family have been warned that when I finish my military career I am going to (attempt to) grow a Poirot mustache immediately!!!

  Steampunk can give you tips if you fancy the Civil War style 'tache.

  Don't tempt him, sir!!

• @HMBSteve

  It is rumored that Jacques frequented the Carcassonne sperm bank to leave a deposit and receive his cash reward with which he pruchased Gauloise and Martell. I am further led to believe the services of said sperm bank may have produced at least one U.S. based rider from Texas. Just a rumor, but.........

  His eyes are very close together...

• @frank

  @wiscot

  @Buck Rogers

  @Nate

  @Buck Rogers don't forget the sister, Gonorrhea.

  @brett so difficult to tell the difference between OD and murder. If only M Poirot could have been induced to investigate the case of a lowly fellow Walloon. But no, Hercule was too busy indulging his Anglophilia, from Sussex to Monaco and points oriental.

  All of my kids and family have been warned that when I finish my military career I am going to (attempt to) grow a Poirot mustache immediately!!!

  Steampunk can give you tips if you fancy the Civil War style 'tache.

  Don't tempt him, sir!!

  Yah, between Steamy's mustache and your hair, I do not know why I even come here anymore.  Pure hair inadequacy on my part.  Leaves me wallowing in insecurity every time.

• This is why I love this site: The Mad Jacques AOP that kinda got WAY off base (guilty as charged as an accessory) followed by the Third Hour. From the ridiculous to the sublime. Seriously, with all the crap going on out there, this site is a safe haven for us all.

  And Buck, you come here so you can contribute in your own inimitable way (see above).

• This might be one of the stranger threads I've read here. But then again, I haven't been around that long. I'll probably be better off just sticking to the bikes thread...  Cheers all.

• @harminator

  Incredible! I've just read his autobiography - "Jacky Mavvy - Under Pressure."

  Amazing story. One of eight children adopted at birth by a turnip farming couple from Turnais who hated kids but needed "shoveleurs". But he sliced off all the toes of his right foot in a freak turnip digging accident. No longer any use in the fields he was regected by the family and confined to the machinery barn. By the time he was 10 his only friend was a rusty compressor. It was here that he started his love affair with pumping.

  Solid fucking gold.