When it comes to weight and body dysmorphia, we cyclists can go toe-to-toe with any thirteen year old tween who has done their time flipping through the pages of Vogue and Sixteen. However fit and thin we might be, at some point it dawns on us that we’re not as light as we could be. The obvious solution is to buy lighter parts for our bikes, but eventually we will run out of parts to buy or money to spend. At that point, we’ll have no alternative but to start losing weight.
On the surface, this is a fairly simple matter; calories in minus calories out is the magic to any weight loss voodoo, right up to the point where it stops working because the “calories in” part deviates from our lifestyle or our metabolism decides we’re old and that since everything else is slowing down, it should too.
It is at this juncture that we ask ourselves how we can lose those kilos that seem unwilling to melt from our bodies. The answer varies depending on your lifestyle, body type, how loud your Awesome is, and your ideal riding weight. (By the way, similarly to the number of bikes to own, your ideal riding weight is one kilo less than your current weight, or weight ideal = weight current – 1). But assuming that you enjoy eating, alcohol, or anything else that doesn’t suck, it will require doing something drastic.
My journey through weight loss started with doing everything the same but riding more until that program stalled, and then I started doing sit-ups and leg lifts, both of which meet the aforementioned suck requirement. And then I cut back on beer and wine, which sucks even more, but that’s when things really started happening. A surprising side-effect of cutting down on booze, by the way, is that although you get less charismatic, you feel better in general and sleep better in addition to losing weight. It turns out that alcohol is a poison or something. Who knew?
But now that my V-Jersey isn’t stretched like a balloon on a pumpkin, I’ve moved on to worrying about my upper body, which is bigger than a typical cyclist’s thanks to 15 or so years of nordic ski racing. Which brings me to Ullrich’s sleeves. I have always had it in my mind that Jan and I are of similar physique, aside from the quads and calves and the devilishly good looks. But my stupid sleeves are always tight, and his were always loose. I take off my jersey, and sure enough, there’s that little mark that the sleeves made on each of my arms. Infuriating. The only solution is to focus completely on wasting my upper body into nothing.
Since I’m not doing anything outrageous like routinely lifting weighty objects or doing pushups, the only conclusion I can draw is that I’m carrying too many groceries into the house at once. I’ve therefor moved to a strict regimen of only carrying one gallon of milk at a time. It takes twice as long to unload the car that way, but all that walking is good for my cardio, you just have to push through the pain. I also alternate hands every few strides if I’ve parked more than a hundred meters from the house in order to avoid becoming lopsided.
Finally, if this latest program doesn’t work out as well as I expect it to, I’ve also realized that while carbohydrates are an athlete’s friend in terms of providing easy energy to burn during a workout, they are heavy on the fork, and repetitively lifting forkloads of pasta into my mouth may be what’s causing my shoulders to bulk up unnecessarily. I’m therefor on the lookout for a healthy food source that can be drank from a straw or something in pellet form that I can peck out of a bowl.
It’s drastic, sure, but drastic times call for drastic measures, and I’m determined to get there eventually.
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One last bit to add from DEVO -- Worried Man Song!
@Marcus
It's not surprising really the course of action COTHO's taken. It allows him to retain his carefully cultivated plausible deniabilty and claim Martyr. Cunt.
I'm glad that Bruyneel is going to arbitration. At least some of the evidence will get aired. The list of allegations and stories written about Lance over the years as listed on Cyclingnews today with regard to his activities is illuminating. There's a surplus of smoking guns there.
@mouse
I am guessing that in the absence of evidence putting Bruyneel directly in the doping gun, "plausible deniability" will most likely be his defence, ie. "I could not know what my riders were doing every second of the day - I was planning strategy, etc. in the lobby. How was I to know they were shooting up in another hotel room?" That is a plausible deniability defence.
My understanding of the proposed evidence is that there is no way Lance could "plausibly deny" anything - because there is first hand evidence from his teammates of his doping. Plausible deniability is only available when there is a just "circumstantial evidence"... If Lance could successfully plausibly deny it, he would presumably be in there swinging - because that would effectively exonerate him.
All together now (with apologies to Tony Orlando and Dawn)...
Just hang your yellow wristbands on that old oak tree
It's taken eighteen years
But they've finally got me
Now I'm giving yellow wristbands away for free
I'm on my arse
But can I ask:
"Why put the blame on me?"
It's Johan should be hanging from that old oak tree
@minion
Yeah there was an article on Cyclismas (a serious one at that) a few weeks ago looking in to the real players involved behind the scenes on this (i.e. Verbruggen) and how while they're attached to the power structures nothing will really change.
I was looking at one analysis of riders not involved in doping scandals, busts or admissions in the last 15 years - if you strip out riders regardless of timing (assuming they were doping all along) then the seven titles go to:
Daniele Nardello (1999, 2000)
Andre Kivilev (2001)
Jose Azavedo (2002, 2004)
Haimar Zubeldia (2003)
Cadel Evans (2005)
Plus Carlos Sastre gets three second places, and Sandy Casar made the podium in 2004. Chapeau.
Slightly dubious that Azavedo and Zubeldia get the jnod given their long involvement with Armstrong and Bruyneel,. but I guess that's just one of life's little ironies.
@Marcus
I use Scottish beaver pelts at home that I have to tear off our local beaver populations with my trusty flint utility tool. I can change them in to Australian Clams at the local trading post. I know not of these US dollars of which you speak.
Was having a conversation elsewhere and wondered if the guys who came second might have a claim against COTHO for loss of earnings?
i dont eat much, i dont eat snacks, dont drink beer/wine, train 6 days a week, but still cant get rid of the last KG that i want off...i weight 73Kg, height 1,83m...i have this constant voice in my head telling me that my ideal climbing weight is around 70kg...last 3 kg are hard to shed
well, had the same problem es well several years ago: for almost a year I could do everything and nothing happened with my weight. then I was thinking not just about the "how many" (sport & food) but also about the "when". maybe that can help!?
but in my opinion weight reduction is a very personal thing: what went well for me, does not mean it will work your you and other way around.
crossing the fingers you will make the final 3kg!