When it comes to weight and body dysmorphia, we cyclists can go toe-to-toe with any thirteen year old tween who has done their time flipping through the pages of Vogue and Sixteen. However fit and thin we might be, at some point it dawns on us that we’re not as light as we could be. The obvious solution is to buy lighter parts for our bikes, but eventually we will run out of parts to buy or money to spend. At that point, we’ll have no alternative but to start losing weight.
On the surface, this is a fairly simple matter; calories in minus calories out is the magic to any weight loss voodoo, right up to the point where it stops working because the “calories in” part deviates from our lifestyle or our metabolism decides we’re old and that since everything else is slowing down, it should too.
It is at this juncture that we ask ourselves how we can lose those kilos that seem unwilling to melt from our bodies. The answer varies depending on your lifestyle, body type, how loud your Awesome is, and your ideal riding weight. (By the way, similarly to the number of bikes to own, your ideal riding weight is one kilo less than your current weight, or weight ideal = weight current – 1). But assuming that you enjoy eating, alcohol, or anything else that doesn’t suck, it will require doing something drastic.
My journey through weight loss started with doing everything the same but riding more until that program stalled, and then I started doing sit-ups and leg lifts, both of which meet the aforementioned suck requirement. And then I cut back on beer and wine, which sucks even more, but that’s when things really started happening. A surprising side-effect of cutting down on booze, by the way, is that although you get less charismatic, you feel better in general and sleep better in addition to losing weight. It turns out that alcohol is a poison or something. Who knew?
But now that my V-Jersey isn’t stretched like a balloon on a pumpkin, I’ve moved on to worrying about my upper body, which is bigger than a typical cyclist’s thanks to 15 or so years of nordic ski racing. Which brings me to Ullrich’s sleeves. I have always had it in my mind that Jan and I are of similar physique, aside from the quads and calves and the devilishly good looks. But my stupid sleeves are always tight, and his were always loose. I take off my jersey, and sure enough, there’s that little mark that the sleeves made on each of my arms. Infuriating. The only solution is to focus completely on wasting my upper body into nothing.
Since I’m not doing anything outrageous like routinely lifting weighty objects or doing pushups, the only conclusion I can draw is that I’m carrying too many groceries into the house at once. I’ve therefor moved to a strict regimen of only carrying one gallon of milk at a time. It takes twice as long to unload the car that way, but all that walking is good for my cardio, you just have to push through the pain. I also alternate hands every few strides if I’ve parked more than a hundred meters from the house in order to avoid becoming lopsided.
Finally, if this latest program doesn’t work out as well as I expect it to, I’ve also realized that while carbohydrates are an athlete’s friend in terms of providing easy energy to burn during a workout, they are heavy on the fork, and repetitively lifting forkloads of pasta into my mouth may be what’s causing my shoulders to bulk up unnecessarily. I’m therefor on the lookout for a healthy food source that can be drank from a straw or something in pellet form that I can peck out of a bowl.
It’s drastic, sure, but drastic times call for drastic measures, and I’m determined to get there eventually.
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After a quick survey of a few blogs, the scales seem to have fallen away from some of the writers that have had to write impartially about Pharmy, and unfortunately the non cycling media have the bit between their teeth on this one. Unfortunately the blog that I agree with most draws a pretty long bow, which indicates to me my grip on sanity is slipping. Still, at least its a relatively well written;
http://www.cyclismas.com/2012/08/its-not-about-the-jerseys/
and also good (but much too sane for me to really dig)
http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/blog/2012/aug/24/how-lance-armstrong-strongarmed-cycling
@hassan hajj
Do some power testing to see how your weight relates to your output. You're an inch taller than me and 10kg lighter already. I am a massive fucking blimp but the lightest I could get to (admittedly our builds could be very different) is around 74kg in my very early 20s. If your body is stubborn about losing that last bit of weight, there's a chance you'll do yourself a disservice, since you're probably well out of the area of easy weight loss.
http://www.analyticcycling.com/ForcesPower_Page.html
@graham d.m.
And 4 times the size ;)
@minion i was discussing the fact that armstrong is propbably going to have his tour titles taken away with a non cycling colleage this morning. He thought about it for a while then said, 'oh well, he still got to fuck Sheryl Crow, they'll never take that away from him...'
I do feel sorry for all the cancer sufferers that were sucked in by the Armstrong story / livestrong stuff (some friends included). There are going to be a lot people waking up to the fact that their inspiration is a massive fraud.
@motor city
Don't forget one of the Olsen Twins too. Mind you, that might not really be something to put on one's resume.
@motor city Hold on, inspiration is inspiration - if he inspired someone they can't be dis-inspired retrospectively! If his inspiration got someone through cancer or hardship - and I'm betting it has once or twice - then he was of some inspirational value no matter what happened subsequently. Even if he was a doper he still did some great things off the back of that which aren't changed by his later downfall.
@Oli I sincerely hope you're right and I can't argue with all the good stuff that he's done.
A friend who beat cancer gave me his book (not about the bike) because she knew I rode and she had been inspired by it. I read it and I did enjoy it for what it is. Maybe he'll come up in conversation next time i see her, I certainly won't raise the subject myself.
@Marcus
This is pretty much how I see it. USADA/WADA can single out a guy and make an example, but for the result to be that all the others profit from it, it just makes the risk worth it. Dope all you want, just don't become too dominant, or we'll take it all away.
@climbing weight I struggle with this one. There is nothing fantastic looking about a wafer thin schleck. I agree with others that the Boonen look is probably the ideal. Not that I get there at all with my 79kg/183cm frame. It sounds reasonable, but the lack of upper body definition coupled with the bulging midsection, make it a bit less of an ideal reality. Gonna be a long winter of kettlebell hell. I'm convinced 2-3kg is all I need to shed, coupled with some massive shuffling of BMI makeup.
Steampunk - Ha, hipster soul-destroyer! That's awesome. Been a lot of bike ridin' fixsters around my parts this summer. Dance festival at the uni brought them in. A question though - isn't a hipster by definition soulless?
As for this whole upper body thing, I don't mind not being built like Twiggo. Years of sports and lifting gave me a non-cyclist build. Since I've become a cyclist my body has definitely changed, lost a lot of the bulk, but I actually got pissed at how skinny I was getting. Been using a lone dumbbell I found while riding my bike and a homemade kettle ball (see: bowling ball from Sal's Army + eyelet screws + chain) for a few weeks, plus some abdominal work and I can't believe how quickly my muscle mass has returned. Not looking to be a meathead, but also not looking to be built like Bertie. A happy medium - fast on the bike, but able to still help the VMH with garden work, etc.
A buddy of mine actually claimed his impressive (upper) guns are the result of hauling his 2 year old around.
Jeez, the VMH actually heard about COTHO on the radio and called me. Hadn't even heard. Huge fucking mess for sure.
@henrik
A-Merckx, brother.
@everyone quoting bmi's and ideal weight calculations:
All these charts ignore the power of the V. I've been dropped by fatter guys than me, and I've dropped fitter guys than me going uphill.
Bottom line: if you lose one more kilo and lay down just as much V, you'll go faster. That is all.
@imakecircles
Spot the fuck on. Those Buddhists are on to it.