When it comes to weight and body dysmorphia, we cyclists can go toe-to-toe with any thirteen year old tween who has done their time flipping through the pages of Vogue and Sixteen. However fit and thin we might be, at some point it dawns on us that we’re not as light as we could be. The obvious solution is to buy lighter parts for our bikes, but eventually we will run out of parts to buy or money to spend. At that point, we’ll have no alternative but to start losing weight.
On the surface, this is a fairly simple matter; calories in minus calories out is the magic to any weight loss voodoo, right up to the point where it stops working because the “calories in” part deviates from our lifestyle or our metabolism decides we’re old and that since everything else is slowing down, it should too.
It is at this juncture that we ask ourselves how we can lose those kilos that seem unwilling to melt from our bodies. The answer varies depending on your lifestyle, body type, how loud your Awesome is, and your ideal riding weight. (By the way, similarly to the number of bikes to own, your ideal riding weight is one kilo less than your current weight, or weight ideal = weight current – 1). But assuming that you enjoy eating, alcohol, or anything else that doesn’t suck, it will require doing something drastic.
My journey through weight loss started with doing everything the same but riding more until that program stalled, and then I started doing sit-ups and leg lifts, both of which meet the aforementioned suck requirement. And then I cut back on beer and wine, which sucks even more, but that’s when things really started happening. A surprising side-effect of cutting down on booze, by the way, is that although you get less charismatic, you feel better in general and sleep better in addition to losing weight. It turns out that alcohol is a poison or something. Who knew?
But now that my V-Jersey isn’t stretched like a balloon on a pumpkin, I’ve moved on to worrying about my upper body, which is bigger than a typical cyclist’s thanks to 15 or so years of nordic ski racing. Which brings me to Ullrich’s sleeves. I have always had it in my mind that Jan and I are of similar physique, aside from the quads and calves and the devilishly good looks. But my stupid sleeves are always tight, and his were always loose. I take off my jersey, and sure enough, there’s that little mark that the sleeves made on each of my arms. Infuriating. The only solution is to focus completely on wasting my upper body into nothing.
Since I’m not doing anything outrageous like routinely lifting weighty objects or doing pushups, the only conclusion I can draw is that I’m carrying too many groceries into the house at once. I’ve therefor moved to a strict regimen of only carrying one gallon of milk at a time. It takes twice as long to unload the car that way, but all that walking is good for my cardio, you just have to push through the pain. I also alternate hands every few strides if I’ve parked more than a hundred meters from the house in order to avoid becoming lopsided.
Finally, if this latest program doesn’t work out as well as I expect it to, I’ve also realized that while carbohydrates are an athlete’s friend in terms of providing easy energy to burn during a workout, they are heavy on the fork, and repetitively lifting forkloads of pasta into my mouth may be what’s causing my shoulders to bulk up unnecessarily. I’m therefor on the lookout for a healthy food source that can be drank from a straw or something in pellet form that I can peck out of a bowl.
It’s drastic, sure, but drastic times call for drastic measures, and I’m determined to get there eventually.
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You need to be careful of "pecking" pellets from a bowl, this will likely bulk up the neck muscles leading to a neck something in the range of a "Sir Chris Hoy".
Better to drink a virgins blood through a straw, this I believe was the preferred method of Pharmstrong and his crew. The blood has to be fresh though so you have to be careful not to exert the muscles too much during the struggle!
I've been wondering about this for a while, and have been trying to figure out what my ideal climbing weight actually is - and with the exception of @Velosophe and @Tessar, I'm none the wiser as no-one has given their height (real, not Internet) to get an idea of build.
I figure at 183cm and 75-76kg I'm probably not far off at least Rouleur weight, and my build tends to putting muscle on my legs rather than ending up with Wiggo-esque spindles made of steel hawser, so I'm never going to make 2.0 lbs per inch (should be 0.35 kg per cm for rule compliance, surely?) anyway. What degree of emancipation should I be aiming for here?
On a related note, we were entertaining friends last night which involved pie, wine and a filthy chocolate dessert. I had to go outside and birch myself afterwards.
@Fausto
What degree of emancipation should I be aiming for here?
@Fausto
Dur, forgot to do my own typing before submiting. What I meant to say was 'not sure anyone gets a vote on here'. Certainly not pedantic noobs like me. *shuts up*
Hadn't spotted that - damn iPhone auto correct!
Emancipation = emaciation
i'm not sure Jan's jersey in the lead photo actually fits him very well. its bunching round the back and at the waist. The rider behind has similar sized arms, if not smaller, but his jersey fit is better.
@Velo Kitty what does a juice cleanse involve?
Not that anyone has asked but I stand at 183cm and i'm 79kg, which I know isn't too bad. I was 84kg in January and the difference in riding at those two weights is massive.
However, I've somehow convinced myself that 75kg should be my target weight. This isn't based on any sound principle, the number just sounds right in my head and its probably just about acheivable without having to live like a freak.
I'll probably still climb badly but seeing that the closest hill that I can ride to is less than 150M I'm not too bothered.
@VelosopheI've never heard that one. Mine is 2.2229 currently. If I can keep it there until Keepers Tour I'll be happy.
@Gianni OMG you catty bitch! ICB U just got all up in my face about losing weight. I thought we were besties. Fatty.*
*: Gianni is not a fatty. He is a tall skinny fucker and will rip my legs off with his magnificent stroke.
@Cyclops Oh, dear!
Not that this has any relation to us normal human folks, but here is some data from the 1997 tour that I think is interesting. No surpirse why Pantani was such a great climber why you look at the BMI figures:
TOUR DE FRANCE RIDERS 1997
height (m.) weight (kg) BMI
Pantini Marco 1.72 56 18.9292
Virenque Richard 1.79 65 20.2865
Leblanc Luc 1.73 62 20.7157
Zulle Alex 1.86 72 20.8117
Riis Bjarne 1.84 71 20.9712
Cipollini Mario 1.90 76 21.0526
Rominger Tony 1.75 65 21.2245
Andreu Frankie 1.88 77 21.7859
Ullrich Jan 1.83 73 21.7982
Jalabert Laurent 1.76 68 21.9525
Boardman Chris 1.75 68 22.2041
Zabel Erik 1.76 69 22.2753
Ekimov Viatcheslav 1.76 69 22.2753
Abdoujaparov Djamolidine 1.74 70 23.1206
Average for 1997 TDF
1.79 68.75 21.4701
original article here: http://www.afpafitness.com/articles/articles-and-newletters/research-articles-index/fitness-assessment/what-is-body-mass-index-bmi-and-what-is-its-practical-application-in-terms-of-endurance-performance/
Anybody else notice the poor tape job on Uli's bars? It's wrapped in the same direction on the tops. Compare that to Derhoggz tape over on the Bikes page. Chapeau, Derhoggz, for getting it correct.