When it comes to weight and body dysmorphia, we cyclists can go toe-to-toe with any thirteen year old tween who has done their time flipping through the pages of Vogue and Sixteen. However fit and thin we might be, at some point it dawns on us that we’re not as light as we could be. The obvious solution is to buy lighter parts for our bikes, but eventually we will run out of parts to buy or money to spend. At that point, we’ll have no alternative but to start losing weight.
On the surface, this is a fairly simple matter; calories in minus calories out is the magic to any weight loss voodoo, right up to the point where it stops working because the “calories in” part deviates from our lifestyle or our metabolism decides we’re old and that since everything else is slowing down, it should too.
It is at this juncture that we ask ourselves how we can lose those kilos that seem unwilling to melt from our bodies. The answer varies depending on your lifestyle, body type, how loud your Awesome is, and your ideal riding weight. (By the way, similarly to the number of bikes to own, your ideal riding weight is one kilo less than your current weight, or weight ideal = weight current – 1). But assuming that you enjoy eating, alcohol, or anything else that doesn’t suck, it will require doing something drastic.
My journey through weight loss started with doing everything the same but riding more until that program stalled, and then I started doing sit-ups and leg lifts, both of which meet the aforementioned suck requirement. And then I cut back on beer and wine, which sucks even more, but that’s when things really started happening. A surprising side-effect of cutting down on booze, by the way, is that although you get less charismatic, you feel better in general and sleep better in addition to losing weight. It turns out that alcohol is a poison or something. Who knew?
But now that my V-Jersey isn’t stretched like a balloon on a pumpkin, I’ve moved on to worrying about my upper body, which is bigger than a typical cyclist’s thanks to 15 or so years of nordic ski racing. Which brings me to Ullrich’s sleeves. I have always had it in my mind that Jan and I are of similar physique, aside from the quads and calves and the devilishly good looks. But my stupid sleeves are always tight, and his were always loose. I take off my jersey, and sure enough, there’s that little mark that the sleeves made on each of my arms. Infuriating. The only solution is to focus completely on wasting my upper body into nothing.
Since I’m not doing anything outrageous like routinely lifting weighty objects or doing pushups, the only conclusion I can draw is that I’m carrying too many groceries into the house at once. I’ve therefor moved to a strict regimen of only carrying one gallon of milk at a time. It takes twice as long to unload the car that way, but all that walking is good for my cardio, you just have to push through the pain. I also alternate hands every few strides if I’ve parked more than a hundred meters from the house in order to avoid becoming lopsided.
Finally, if this latest program doesn’t work out as well as I expect it to, I’ve also realized that while carbohydrates are an athlete’s friend in terms of providing easy energy to burn during a workout, they are heavy on the fork, and repetitively lifting forkloads of pasta into my mouth may be what’s causing my shoulders to bulk up unnecessarily. I’m therefor on the lookout for a healthy food source that can be drank from a straw or something in pellet form that I can peck out of a bowl.
It’s drastic, sure, but drastic times call for drastic measures, and I’m determined to get there eventually.
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@henrik
That's damn close to being an official Rule. Well said.
@Nate
I still have a hard time believing they let him teach our children!
@roger
AFAIK they don't. Only the Canadians let him teach.
I am 186cm and 72kg, I fit in the Castelli small nicely. I was 88kg a year ago, amazing what riding and terrible food can do.
I have actually gone so far as to... sacrilege.... go to the gym and hire a trainer. I weigh more than anyone on a bike should weigh. Elden Fatcyclist Nelson at his worst got nothing on me.
The trainer is kicking my ass. Despite lifting weights and using my upper body, shocker of shockers... my arms are getting smaller, leaner, eventually they might even be defined.
God. A weight post. Let us all bend our heads in shame. Even Eddy's metabolism slowed down.
I'm still not a great climber, but I'm not as bad as I used to be.
I've had pretty good success recently with just trying to stay calm and focus on my cadence and breathing. Rather than trying to blast up hills (I'll hit short bumps hard, but for longer climbs I try and start steady) and set purposeful PRs, recently I've tried to focus more on technique and breathing. Knowing I'm not a good climber always gives me little mini "panic attacks" when I know a climb is coming up and it's going to put me in the hurt locker. Focusing on my technique has helped me calm down mentally and just focus on what it going on right in front of me, not how much pain I have left to work through up the rest of the climb, especially when I realize that I've settled into a maintainable pace that while hurting the guns isn't killing the rest of me.
My results have been pretty good... I'm not setting any speed records when compared to others, but I'm making it up climbs without feeling like I'm absolutely wrecked, even climbs that earlier this year that would force me to stop to catch my breath or keep from cramping up. And I've set some climbing PRs accidentally without trying, which I'd attribute to trying to remain steady up the climb, rather than racing up at first only to lose steam after a few hundred feet and slowing way down.
My weight has been rock steady all this year, sitting right around 78kg, after losing about 6kg the year before. Though I have not tried major diet modifications yet. This part is very hard for me - I like to eat, and I like to drink my beer. However if I want to lose any more weight that is probably the next step.
I think personally, just getting the guns stronger would be my biggest help - on really steep climbs I just feel like I can't turn over my pedals quite fast enough for my liking, and I don't have any more strength to push harder. Concentrating on hill repeats and intervals is in my future as the fall rolls around, as well as getting back into weight lifting while off the bike for some strength cross-training,
@Erik
This is merely an illusion. God can be any weight he damn well pleases at any time he likes....you just caught him there on a slob day!
@Deakus
He's just trying to make us all feel better because he is an all loving deity, except when climbing, time trialing, sprinting and/or crushing souls.
I think my real problem is I forgot to stop eating like a teenager who could knock out 50 miles or so on a whim after soccer practice.
@Erik
Heh, yeah - some things I've gotten better at (not eating hamburgers all the time for example, and avoiding a lot of fast food save for Chinese, my guilty pleasure that I allow myself once a week) but in other ways I still eat like an 8 year old. Totinos Party Pizzas and Goldfish crackers? Yeah, I've purchased both of those in the last two months. I have no shame.