Climbing used to be all about disco; in Flanders, it still is.
I’m not a good dancer. I’ve come to this conclusion not through study but through ridicule and injury. Apparently it demands the ability to exhibit control over your limbs in some rhythmic capacity where “rhythmic” is defined both as “not chaotic” and “not stationary”. To make matters worse, this extends to all your limbs, not just one or two; you aren’t allowed to just wave one arm about because that’s all you can concentrate on. Like most men, I function with a two-item queue; I’m not a multitasker. This, I believe, is the reason why women are better dancers than men are.
The seventies is when male dancing went mainstream in the form of “disco”. If you look closely, you will notice that disco moves involve moving no more than two appendages at once; most moves can be done with half that. Convincing women that this is “dancing” is the Male Gender’s most significant accomplishment since Einstein discovered the Theory of Relativity. Male dancing has not evolved since, if the local pub is anything to go from.
Prior to the invention of the compact crank, climbing was good practice for disco dancing: if the gradient was anywhere near respectable, you could ponder long and hard about the one leg that was doing all that pushing right at that moment. Even the climbers like Charly Gaul who were accredited as “spinners” came nowhere close to modern climbers’ cadential sensibilities where cols are gobbled up at 110+ rpm.
For the book signing event we held for The Rules in NYC, @Gianni loaned me his trusted steed, Bella, whom he keeps back on the East Coast. This lovely lady is clad in old school Campa and the gritty 42×23 low gear to go with it. He giggled as he watched me rise out of the saddle to do Le Disco over the stout ramps along the hills of New Jersey.
At the risk of sounding like an old grumpopatamus (the slightly less charming relation to the hippopotamus), climbing for us big blokes used to be about breathing and pushing on the pedals (that’s our two-item queues at capacity) until the eyes went dark, at which point you kept breathing and pushing until you got to the top and went down the other side like you trusted your tires more than you appreciated physics. Now its all about “cadence” and “heart rate” and “wattage” and “not being fat” and probably a few other things that I disagree with that I haven’t even thought of.
Not that I have anything against spinning; I used to be a “spinner”. Back in the 80’s and 90’s, I was always the spinner in the group, riding along at 80 or 90 rpm. These days, I’m the “masher” in the group, riding along at 80 or 90 rpm. This is one more reason why I love Flanders; I’ve never seen a Flandrian spin, unless it was the 53×11. On the one occasion I caught Johan Museeuw riding a compact (testing it, he was), his only remark was that the 50T wasn’t big enough for climbing.
The Flemish riders are all about doing De Vlaamse Disco as they mash a monster gear up some unimaginable cobbled grade. I am given to understand Boonen trains by riding the Koppenberg in the 53. That’s my kind of climbing; more stubborn than brains, more burnt cartilage than knees.
That’s what Merckx invented Advil for.
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Alas, poor 144mm bolt circle, I knew you once...dressed in a 42t inner ring and a 54t 'cause I was young, dumb, and Bruce Gordon convinced me it was as good as a 53t. And my MTB had chainrings of such magnitude too back in the day, a 34t x 50t. Why? To go faster. 'Nuf said.
To our Flamish friends on the site, shouldn't it be called 'De Vlaamse Disco'?
@VeloVita
...and then Nys spanks the young kids on the technical sections. MvdP is talented, but if he and Lars van der Haar want to survive they have to improve their running. Burning way too many matches trying to close the gaps.
But SRAM's CX1 sounds amazing. Can't wait to try 1x drivetrains on the MTB, too.
I always wanted to be a climber, was it just me? Sadly I'm the wrong side of 80 kilos and can't spin so I don't excel going north, not quickly anyway. As graceful as Robert Millar was in the Z years, my loyalty was with his team mate Greg LeMan, grinding a monster gear all around Europe. That era had some great GC climbers, Fignon could smash the 53 as well. I remember reading that he would often punish himself during altitude training by keeping to the 53 all day. Those men were gods. Great article.
@Gianni
He was the guy who invented the Belgian Knee Warmer, isn't he? I always assumed he got tired of wearing tights that were too short but apparently that wasn't the reason.
@Gianni
As one who doesn't have 10kg to lose, I don't see a reason to go any harder. I ride an 11-28 in the back, too. If I climb in the 34-28 at a reasonable cadence (75-80ish), I'm already pushing around 4W/kg. Considering not all of my training involves Z4 riding, I appreciate being able to also slow down a bit even if my shortest local loop has 1600m of climbing. Plus, on a compact that means I can push it in the "big" ring up 7% gradients, which sure is fun.
@Puffy
I have a 50T on my CX/Graveur and it is a strange contraption, that. I find my chain in all kinds of strange configurations with that gearing trying to find the right ratio.
@VeloJello
I'm here to help you through the winter of eating meat with potatoes covered in meat and potatoes and washing it down with loads of thick, heavy ales.
@Ron
I love it when your meds are off a little bit and you start posting three randomly intertwined ideas in one shot. But what happened to your avatar?
@RobSandy
There is a serious appreciation of Nine in the Five and Dime going on for sure. My kind of blokes. Edvig just doesn't know any better and I think the other guy is a brit so he doesn't either.
@ErikdR
How did that get by the idiot filter? Oh, right, I was having pints while writing.
Some years ago (but not many) I went to the Stelvio Pass with some friends with the idea of climbing it both side in a ride. My bike was equipped with just a 39-23, the Lombardy side was relatively easy with all those switchback, but when we started the South Tyrol side it was a different story. Thanks to my ridiculous shape I was dead by the time we were half way up, then we reached a Swiss rider and every time he tried to overtook me one of my dear friends push me till I could overtook him paying attention not to be seen by him, and that was all the way up! It was an exhilarating day...