De Vlaamse Disco
I’m not a good dancer. I’ve come to this conclusion not through study but through ridicule and injury. Apparently it demands the ability to exhibit control over your limbs in some rhythmic capacity where “rhythmic” is defined both as “not chaotic” and “not stationary”. To make matters worse, this extends to all your limbs, not just one or two; you aren’t allowed to just wave one arm about because that’s all you can concentrate on. Like most men, I function with a two-item queue; I’m not a multitasker. This, I believe, is the reason why women are better dancers than men are.
The seventies is when male dancing went mainstream in the form of “disco”. If you look closely, you will notice that disco moves involve moving no more than two appendages at once; most moves can be done with half that. Convincing women that this is “dancing” is the Male Gender’s most significant accomplishment since Einstein discovered the Theory of Relativity. Male dancing has not evolved since, if the local pub is anything to go from.
Prior to the invention of the compact crank, climbing was good practice for disco dancing: if the gradient was anywhere near respectable, you could ponder long and hard about the one leg that was doing all that pushing right at that moment. Even the climbers like Charly Gaul who were accredited as “spinners” came nowhere close to modern climbers’ cadential sensibilities where cols are gobbled up at 110+ rpm.
For the book signing event we held for The Rules in NYC, @Gianni loaned me his trusted steed, Bella, whom he keeps back on the East Coast. This lovely lady is clad in old school Campa and the gritty 42×23 low gear to go with it. He giggled as he watched me rise out of the saddle to do Le Disco over the stout ramps along the hills of New Jersey.
At the risk of sounding like an old grumpopatamus (the slightly less charming relation to the hippopotamus), climbing for us big blokes used to be about breathing and pushing on the pedals (that’s our two-item queues at capacity) until the eyes went dark, at which point you kept breathing and pushing until you got to the top and went down the other side like you trusted your tires more than you appreciated physics. Now its all about “cadence” and “heart rate” and “wattage” and “not being fat” and probably a few other things that I disagree with that I haven’t even thought of.
Not that I have anything against spinning; I used to be a “spinner”. Back in the 80’s and 90’s, I was always the spinner in the group, riding along at 80 or 90 rpm. These days, I’m the “masher” in the group, riding along at 80 or 90 rpm. This is one more reason why I love Flanders; I’ve never seen a Flandrian spin, unless it was the 53×11. On the one occasion I caught Johan Museeuw riding a compact (testing it, he was), his only remark was that the 50T wasn’t big enough for climbing.
The Flemish riders are all about doing De Vlaamse Disco as they mash a monster gear up some unimaginable cobbled grade. I am given to understand Boonen trains by riding the Koppenberg in the 53. That’s my kind of climbing; more stubborn than brains, more burnt cartilage than knees.
That’s what Merckx invented Advil for.
@frank–
Wasn’t it the Prophet after all who answered whether it is better to spin Smaller gears or ride Big gears with the quote- “if you want to go fast..spin Big gears.
@Haldy
I genuinely hope so!!
More is always better, so more teeth must be better for climbing. I did try one of those compacts for a bit… terrible thing they are with the big jump between the small and big ring. Still, I did spend more time in the big ring (all of it) so that much as cool.
@Frank And it still very much is for me! Great article Frank. Made me feel a lot better about my fight against gravity and climbs.
The VMH refers to my dancing as “interpretive” and I’m okay with that. Heck, I coulda been a good dancer, but I was too busy playing sports all the time.
Spinning is so fucking boring. Why do I want to sit around and do that when I can stand and dance?
What do we have going on in the photo – is the Hardman on the right in clips ‘n’ straps and the Hardman on the left clipless? Talk about an interesting peloton when you had those two forces coexisting.
This is why I like climbing hills on a fixed-gear. No thinking, no mucking around and grasping at the shift lever when things get tough – just stand up and make it happen. My best hill climb times have all happened on the fixie.
Not that I can climb for shit – my sprinter’s muscle has seen too many workouts lately.
Why do both the guys in the picture look so bloody happy?
Both my dancing and climbing style tend to match this Mancunian mad mans monkey gait…
This only works when one can make 400+ watts in 20 – 30 minute blocks.
for lowly mortals like myself, this would mean breathing through my eyeballs and my tongue bouncing off my stem. Any disco move would look like a dying monkey falling out of a tall tree
Great article, @Frank – petje af.
I’ve mentioned it before, I think – but the blue steel ‘Moser’ (late eighties vintage) given to me by my dad, has a 52-42 chainring and a 14-18 straight block. My aging knees seem to prefer the 50-34 compact on my (much newer; 2012) Giant for riding over the short, steep hills of Eastern Jutland – but there’s definitely something old school cool about mashing up a steep incline on the 18.
Very minor point (*pedant alert*) – but the French word for describing people or stuff from the region of Flanders is “Flamand”. The Dutch/Flemish term (you’ll like this) is ‘Vlaams/Vlaamse’, with a capital ‘V’
@antihero I’ve been giving some serious thought to converting one of my old steel steeds to fixed. What gear are you using on yours?
Hey, don’t see too many pictures of Joey McLaughlin these days! (That’s him in the Z kit in 88 or 89) Huge talent on the UK scene in the 80s and turned pro but just didn’t make the grade on the continent for some reason – tendinitis amongst other things. Had a serious attitude as well as a thick Liverpudlian accent. Potential unfulfilled for sure.
For those of you that don’t follow European cyclocross and haven’t heard of Mathieu van der Poel, fear not for he will surely be coming to the pro road peloton in the relatively near future. For cruising around the steep ups and downs of the Euro cross circuit his bike is set up 1X11 with a 46 tooth ring up front and a 25t large cog on the rear. This is much larger gearing than most of the pros run, and yet he is able to power up steep ramps that leaves other top riders running. Oh yeah, he’s 19…
Jazz hands and maracas: that may be illegal. If this dude offered you pills, I wouldn’t take em.
@VeloJello
Jazz hands and maracas: that may be illegal. If this dude offered you pills, I wouldn’t take em.
@VeloVita
Bloody teenagers.
This is a great photo with some very important elements: Suffering singularly and together, tan-wall tires, hairnets and the smile/grimace combo. Plus the aforementioned pedal/shoe evolution. Looks kinda chilly out too.
@wiscot
Thanks for the ID. I had been wondering if it was Thierry Claveyrolat, but I wasn’t sure.
@oldensteel
If these guys are racing in tights if must be wicked cold. Edwig Van Hooydonck didn’t wear tights unless it was bad. I bet he twisted that Vitus frame around a bit too.
I was looking at an old article about Stephen Roche in the ’87 Tour stage up Ventoux TT and Roche was saying he could have done better with a 19 tooth instead of an 18, FFS. Talk about mashing a gear, Ventoux, all uphill! Meanwhile I have a 34 x 27, gulp. Such a pussy, it come with age. Must lose 10 kg.
That is Joey Mcloughlin in the Peugeot gear. Best Tour de France winner Britain never had. Lost without trace now but 4th in Ghent Wevelgem when riding for a home team on minute budget. Loads of class.
Alas, poor 144mm bolt circle, I knew you once…dressed in a 42t inner ring and a 54t ’cause I was young, dumb, and Bruce Gordon convinced me it was as good as a 53t. And my MTB had chainrings of such magnitude too back in the day, a 34t x 50t. Why? To go faster. ‘Nuf said.
To our Flamish friends on the site, shouldn’t it be called ‘De Vlaamse Disco’?
@VeloVita
…and then Nys spanks the young kids on the technical sections. MvdP is talented, but if he and Lars van der Haar want to survive they have to improve their running. Burning way too many matches trying to close the gaps.
But SRAM’s CX1 sounds amazing. Can’t wait to try 1x drivetrains on the MTB, too.
I always wanted to be a climber, was it just me? Sadly I’m the wrong side of 80 kilos and can’t spin so I don’t excel going north, not quickly anyway. As graceful as Robert Millar was in the Z years, my loyalty was with his team mate Greg LeMan, grinding a monster gear all around Europe. That era had some great GC climbers, Fignon could smash the 53 as well. I remember reading that he would often punish himself during altitude training by keeping to the 53 all day. Those men were gods. Great article.
@Gianni
He was the guy who invented the Belgian Knee Warmer, isn’t he? I always assumed he got tired of wearing tights that were too short but apparently that wasn’t the reason.
@Gianni
As one who doesn’t have 10kg to lose, I don’t see a reason to go any harder. I ride an 11-28 in the back, too. If I climb in the 34-28 at a reasonable cadence (75-80ish), I’m already pushing around 4W/kg. Considering not all of my training involves Z4 riding, I appreciate being able to also slow down a bit even if my shortest local loop has 1600m of climbing. Plus, on a compact that means I can push it in the “big” ring up 7% gradients, which sure is fun.
@Puffy
I have a 50T on my CX/Graveur and it is a strange contraption, that. I find my chain in all kinds of strange configurations with that gearing trying to find the right ratio.
@VeloJello
I’m here to help you through the winter of eating meat with potatoes covered in meat and potatoes and washing it down with loads of thick, heavy ales.
@Ron
I love it when your meds are off a little bit and you start posting three randomly intertwined ideas in one shot. But what happened to your avatar?
@RobSandy
There is a serious appreciation of Nine in the Five and Dime going on for sure. My kind of blokes. Edvig just doesn’t know any better and I think the other guy is a brit so he doesn’t either.
@ErikdR
How did that get by the idiot filter? Oh, right, I was having pints while writing.
Some years ago (but not many) I went to the Stelvio Pass with some friends with the idea of climbing it both side in a ride. My bike was equipped with just a 39-23, the Lombardy side was relatively easy with all those switchback, but when we started the South Tyrol side it was a different story. Thanks to my ridiculous shape I was dead by the time we were half way up, then we reached a Swiss rider and every time he tried to overtook me one of my dear friends push me till I could overtook him paying attention not to be seen by him, and that was all the way up! It was an exhilarating day…
@eightace
Yeah, Britain had some great pros with a lot of potential that I feel was never properly realized. Books could be written on why, but McLaughlin, Darryl Webster, Graham Jones, Brian Smith and Obree all come to mind. Whether it was just not clicking with the Euro scene, not wanting to do drugs, not being on the right team, the debate is endless. Lord knows Obree had the talent to do great things; Millar could have been ever better if he hadn’t been on shitty French teams who misused him, Jones was huge class and wasted. I knew Obree and Smith, met Webster once and knew of Millar and McLaughlin. All had particularly distinct personalities to put it mildly. Smart and bloody minded might be more accurate. Had ANC Halfords been half as well organized/funded as Sky, Britain could have had a team in the 7-11 mold at least. As it was, ANC was pretty much an omnishambles, particularly in the Tour.
@Ccos
You got that right: taking anything Bez of the Happy Mondays might offer you would be a very big mistake. How fucked up were the Happy Mondays? Watch 24 Hour Party People. Lordy, lordy, lordy, what crazy lads they were.
The lead pic is McLaughlin for sure, but is the Lotto rider Van Hooydonck? He’s a big lad, but not tall enough I think. Might have to do some research.
@wiscot
I wonder if the tendonitis had anything to do with what he’s attempting in the photo?
@oldensteel
Not to mention the cycling cap and the reminder that Assos used to make team-issue kit.
@Bruce Lee
This whole 1x micro drive thing on the MTBs these days boggles my mind. I’m sure it makes sense somewhere some how but I’ll be fucked if I have any clue why.
@Hagueman
Yes yes yes. Its a serious burden, being this dumb.
@tessar
Oh, and there we have it, right on cue.
Back to the good part of your post though, Nys is such an animal. I love his bunny hopping of the barriers. I’m seriously considering learning how to do that, but only because my remount sucks. His remount rules and he still does it just because he’s cool
@gilly
I stuck to my 53t today just to prove a point to myself. Its good punishment, if not good common sense.
@Pedale.Forchetta
You make me hate my life a little bit. An Italian Keepers Tour has to happen.
@wiscot
I definitely think so, but I’ve been wrong before so it could happen again.
@wiscot I’m starting to think its not him now; not sure that team kit makes sense if its him. I’ve never seen him on anything but a Colnago and I’ve never seen him with Lotto logos on his kit.
The rider in question must be one of these:
http://www.firstcycling.com/team.php?l=883&hva=normal
@wiscot
Christ, I remember seeing the Mondays supporting fellow Mancunians James in 1988. I was there to see the vegan popsters, and was assaulted by a mess of ecstacy and heroin.
Nine years later, I got back on the bike… at least I was thin
@Pedale.Forchetta
This made me smile. Thank you.
@frank
It’s cause MTBing is obsessed with downhill riding, where it doesn’t matter, and like the rest of the industry it’s obsessed with finding something new to sell to the punters.
I mean, shit, the industry just managed to “invent” a whole new kind of bike in the last year or two. No, no, this isn’t a CX bike, it’s not even a country bike, it’s a “Gravel Grinder.” Buy buy buy!
I’ve seen a lot of new people out in the boonies lately with the newest and fanciest double-boinger downhill 1x setups. Some of them don’t even try to ride up, they just walk the bike uphill.
@frank
Yes yes absolutely yes. That sounds like a Very good idea. Count me in.
@Hagueman Sorry, and I’ll try to stop being such a pedantic pr*** – I promise – but that would be ‘our Flemish friends’. (Although I cannot for the life of me figure out why it’s spelled that way, to be honest – Flamish actually seems to make more sense, somehow…)
@SamFromTex
Wise words
@tessar
Except Nys hasn’t been lately…Its been MvdP and Wout van Aert riding away and staying away. Sure they’re making tactical mistakes racing each other, but right now they’re the still the class of the field. From a pure power standpoint, even Nys has said he’s impressed with MvdP – watch Zonhoven where he rides up the roped run up…its ridiculous. He won’t stay with cross though much longer – he has road aspirations just like Boom and Stybar.
@wiscot
My mistake, I don’t think Edwig ever rode for Lotto and he would not have worn tights, knickers but not full tights.
@frank
Ooh look – a V-bike with CX-1
@ped
You know, Bez had the best gig in rock – dance around like a twat, shake his maracas and pull the skanky birds on the bus and hotel. End of job description.
@Gianni
Nope, not Edwig. In 88 and 89 when Joey was with Z Peugeot, Edwig was with Superconfex-Yoho. Research continues. Will look at some mags tonight.
@wiscot
Arcade Fire had a dude who basically just ran around and rocked out on a big drum. It was actually pretty cool, he was really intense and worked the crowd up a lot. It’s hard to resist someone who looks like he’s having the greatest time of his life.
Great photo Frank !