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De Vlaamse Disco

Climbing used to be all about disco; in Flanders, it still is.

I’m not a good dancer. I’ve come to this conclusion not through study but through ridicule and injury. Apparently it demands the ability to exhibit control over your limbs in some rhythmic capacity where “rhythmic” is defined both as “not chaotic” and “not stationary”. To make matters worse, this extends to all your limbs, not just one or two; you aren’t allowed to just wave one arm about because that’s all you can concentrate on. Like most men, I function with a two-item queue; I’m not a multitasker. This, I believe, is the reason why women are better dancers than men are.

The seventies is when male dancing went mainstream in the form of “disco”. If you look closely, you will notice that disco moves involve moving no more than two appendages at once; most moves can be done with half that. Convincing women that this is “dancing” is the Male Gender’s most significant accomplishment since Einstein discovered the Theory of Relativity. Male dancing has not evolved since, if the local pub is anything to go from.

Prior to the invention of the compact crank, climbing was good practice for disco dancing: if the gradient was anywhere near respectable, you could ponder long and hard about the one leg that was doing all that pushing right at that moment. Even the climbers like Charly Gaul who were accredited as “spinners” came nowhere close to modern climbers’ cadential sensibilities where cols are gobbled up at 110+ rpm.

For the book signing event we held for The Rules in NYC, @Gianni loaned me his trusted steed, Bella, whom he keeps back on the East Coast. This lovely lady is clad in old school Campa and the gritty 42×23 low gear to go with it. He giggled as he watched me rise out of the saddle to do Le Disco over the stout ramps along the hills of New Jersey.

At the risk of sounding like an old grumpopatamus (the slightly less charming relation to the hippopotamus), climbing for us big blokes used to be about breathing and pushing on the pedals (that’s our two-item queues at capacity) until the eyes went dark, at which point you kept breathing and pushing until you got to the top and went down the other side like you trusted your tires more than you appreciated physics. Now its all about “cadence” and “heart rate” and “wattage” and “not being fat” and probably a few other things that I disagree with that I haven’t even thought of.

Not that I have anything against spinning; I used to be a “spinner”. Back in the 80’s and 90’s, I was always the spinner in the group, riding along at 80 or 90 rpm. These days, I’m the “masher” in the group, riding along at 80 or 90 rpm. This is one more reason why I love Flanders; I’ve never seen a Flandrian spin, unless it was the 53×11. On the one occasion I caught Johan Museeuw riding a compact (testing it, he was), his only remark was that the 50T wasn’t big enough for climbing.

The Flemish riders are all about doing De Vlaamse Disco as they mash a monster gear up some unimaginable cobbled grade. I am given to understand Boonen trains by riding the Koppenberg in the 53. That’s my kind of climbing; more stubborn than brains, more burnt cartilage than knees.

That’s what Merckx invented Advil for.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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frank says:

Jan 8 2015 at 5:04 pm

@chuckp

Back in the day (a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away) when I was racing, pretty much everyone rode a 53/39 with a 12-21. And I remember that I was a pretty decent climber in a 39Ã—21 ... even on long mountain climbs. I even remember a particular circuit race that had two steep climbs (like a camel's two humps) where my team would intentionally switch to a 42t small ring as a way to play mind games with everyone else on the climbs (and it worked because lap by lap we would whittle the field down so that by the finish the lead group would be a dozen or so riders and most of my team intact). But I have to admit that now as an "old guy" who only recently made the changeover to riding a "modern" bike, I appreciate compact gearing. My Felt FC has a 50/36 with an 11-28 (although I'm not doing any real "mountain" climbing these days. I think if I did, I'd probably put a 34t small ring on just to give me even more bail out). I probably still mash more than spin (but I'm trying to re-learn how to do the latter) on climbs, but it's nice to have lower low gears when the going gets really steep. And I like being able to stay in the big ring a lot longer on climbs. But even with compact gearing (mine is a combination of compact and mid-compact), there are pitches on roads I ride on where I still have to do the disco. :-)

I think there is a lot of promise in Shimano and Campa's new spider design; I like the idea of getting ride of the BCD and just having a one size fits all. On my Graveur in particular.
Oli says:

Jan 8 2015 at 9:39 pm

*old man croak* In my day our low gear was 42 x 19 and you'd see guys fighting out hill primes or finishes at a tempo of approximately 20rpm - you kids don't know how lucky you are with your "contact gearing"! *shakes walking stick* *incontinence*
minion says:

Jan 9 2015 at 12:26 am

The last cassette I bought was 11-21. This entire post and most of the comments are unpossible for me to comprehend.
RobSandy says:

Jan 9 2015 at 12:32 am

@minion

The last cassette I bought was 11-21. This entire post and most of the comments are unpossible for me to comprehend.

Unpossible?
RobSandy says:

Jan 9 2015 at 12:53 am

@minion

The last cassette I bought was 11-21. This entire post and most of the comments are unpossible for me to comprehend.

Mine is 11-25. I had an major pain cave experience on a steep climb recently so bought a 12-30 to use it instead, particularly for hilly routes.

I have since meditated on Rule #5 and have decided to put off fitting it for as long as possible in the hope that I can stop being such a big baby.
Quasar says:

Jan 9 2015 at 4:36 am

@RobSandy

@minion

The last cassette I bought was 11-21. This entire post and most of the comments are unpossible for me to comprehend.

Mine is 11-25. I had an major pain cave experience on a steep climb recently so bought a 12-30 to use it instead, particularly for hilly routes.

I have since meditated on Rule #5 and have decided to put off fitting it for as long as possible in the hope that I can stop being such a big baby.

I'm debating internally on whether the fact that I fit my new cassette myself (first time doing that) or that it's an 11-28 to replace an 11-25 carries more weight. One step forward, one step back...
RobSandy says:

Jan 9 2015 at 4:42 am

@Quasar

@RobSandy

@minion

The last cassette I bought was 11-21. This entire post and most of the comments are unpossible for me to comprehend.

Mine is 11-25. I had an major pain cave experience on a steep climb recently so bought a 12-30 to use it instead, particularly for hilly routes.

I have since meditated on Rule #5 and have decided to put off fitting it for as long as possible in the hope that I can stop being such a big baby.

I'm debating internally on whether the fact that I fit my new cassette myself (first time doing that) or that it's an 11-28 to replace an 11-25 carries more weight. One step forward, one step back...

It's an easy job (if you have a chain whip and a sprocket tool). I normally make a pigs ear of any task and last time I did it it took me less than 5 minutes.

How much difference does the extra 3 teeth make?
Quasar says:

Jan 9 2015 at 4:56 am

@RobSandy

@RobSandy

@Quasar

@RobSandy

@minion

The last cassette I bought was 11-21. This entire post and most of the comments are unpossible for me to comprehend.

Mine is 11-25. I had an major pain cave experience on a steep climb recently so bought a 12-30 to use it instead, particularly for hilly routes.

I have since meditated on Rule #5 and have decided to put off fitting it for as long as possible in the hope that I can stop being such a big baby.

I'm debating internally on whether the fact that I fit my new cassette myself (first time doing that) or that it's an 11-28 to replace an 11-25 carries more weight. One step forward, one step back...

It's an easy job (if you have a chain whip and a sprocket tool). I normally make a pigs ear of any task and last time I did it it took me less than 5 minutes.

How much difference does the extra 3 teeth make?

It certainly turned out to be easy, once I had the tools. This was more a matter of finally having a go. I haven't tried the new cassette yet as we have 20-40cm of snow right now (and clear ice banks under that) so the steed of choice at the moment is my 29er with spiked tyres. That is why I'm replacing a lot of things on my road bike now (cassette, chain, all cables, bar tape, all entirely minor things for the majority of the crowd here), giving me time to correct fuckups or have the LBS do it before April...

The 11-28 was chosen for just one climb, I can't wait to have a go at it although it will probably not be until May as the road does not open until then.
antihero says:

Jan 11 2015 at 8:22 am

@ErikdR

Great article, @Frank - petje af.

I've mentioned it before, I think - but the blue steel 'Moser' (late eighties vintage) given to me by my dad, has a 52-42 chainring and a 14-18 straight block. My aging knees seem to prefer the 50-34 compact on my (much newer; 2012) Giant for riding over the short, steep hills of Eastern Jutland - but there's definitely something old school cool about mashing up a steep incline on the 18.

Very minor point (*pedant alert*) - but the French word for describing people or stuff from the region of Flanders is "Flamand". The Dutch/Flemish term (you'll like this) is 'Vlaams/Vlaamse', with a capital 'V'

@antihero I've been giving some serious thought to converting one of my old steel steeds to fixed. What gear are you using on yours?

48x16 seems to do the trick. It's fairly hilly here in Tennessee, and if I go much stiffer than this getting uphill becomes unpleasant, and going bigger makes spinning down hill awful. I also keep an 18t freewheel on the flip/flop for a bailout gear on brevets.

The 48x16 plus a 165mm crank and 24mm tubs yields about 79 gear-inches.

That winds up giving you approximately 45.5 kph @ 120 RPM, and a cruising speed of 34.1kph at 90rpm. That's fast enough to keep up with all but the fastest of the groups around here, and will get you down most hills without requiring too much braking.
ErikdR says:

Jan 11 2015 at 9:10 am

@antihero

Excellent. Thanks!

I have no experience whatsoever with riding fixed, but I suppose it would be wise (to put it mildly) to start out in relatively flat terrain, and build it up from there? (Luckily, there are quite a few roads with only mild inclines nearby, and I can save the steeper hills for later. Looking forward to trying this, once the weather gets a little bit less nasty here in DK.

I assume you actually use your legs quite a bit to slow down on the decline, prior to (or in combination with) applying the brakes?