As children, none of us were given an allowance. Instead, we were taught from a young age that if we wanted to buy something, we had to earn the money in order to do so. To facilitate the model, and possibly to avoid child-labor law infringement, we were paid to do chores around the house in exchange for a cash payment directly proportional but not necessarily related to the amount of time it took us to execute the task. The hourly wage, at it turned out, was at the discretion of the one doing the overseeing and commissioning of the task at hand.
In my view, it worked out very well for us. Coming from a family that was neither wealthy nor poor, it taught us a number of important lessons about life, money, and the important ways the two are separated. It’s one of the fundamental things I’m very glad about regarding my upbringing.
My grandmother, by choice or otherwise, was in on this scheme of leveraging our desire to earn money as a means to achieve her end of having her dog tended to regularly. As grandmothers are wont to do, however, she found ways to be knowingly complicit in circumventing the intended lesson by overpaying us for our labor; she was perhaps too fond of her dog, and I was perhaps too willing to walk it repeatedly and unnecessarily in order to earn my wage.
I don’t remember how old I was, but I was still riding my old Raleigh made of Reynolds 531 tubing and clad in a Weinmann grouppo which I now wish I’d kept; I could have been no more than 10 years old. Nevertheless, I had already made the determination, by studying the pros in the races I watched on scratchy old VHS cassettes, that if I was going to amount to any kind of cyclist, I would require proper cycling kit.
I needed cycling shorts and I needed a cycling jersey; t-shirts and an old pair of lederhosen simply wouldn’t fit the bill. And cycling shorts and cycling jerseys would cost serious money. So off I was, walking my grandmother’s dog fourteen times a day – collecting payment every time – and before very long, I had saved up the money I needed.
I don’t remember the name of the shop, but I do remember on which rack and in which corner of the store it hung. It resembled Laurent Fignon’s System U kit, though I felt a tinge of guilt that it wasn’t as fluorescent as LeMond’s ADR strip. It was nothing compared, however, to the unexpressed guilt I’d felt all year at secretly having hoped Fignon would win the Tour against my countryman.
Riding my trusty Raleigh, I spent the summer of 1989 riding with my left hand on the tops of my handlebars and my right hand on the hoods. I’d spotted a photo in Winning Magazine wherein Laurent Fignon was leading the Giro d’Italia riding in just this position; I summarily emulated him in this regard.
The fact that this was just a moment captured in time as Fignon changed hand position was lost on me; the fact held neither relevance nor value to my view of the world. Fignon rode like this, and so would I. This single photo fueled my desire to ride a bicycle for an entire summer. Up and down the streets I went, imagining myself making history as I left both Fignon and LeMond in my dust and I took off up the road – one hand on the tops, one on the hoods – with Phil Liggett’s voice in my ears as he commended the ferocity of my attacks.
I found daily motivation in riding like Fignon. In rain, in shine; I rode the way the photo I saw showed him riding. Every time I climbed aboard my bike, I wanted to be a better cyclist; I wanted to be more like Fignon. I was nevertheless bound to eventually discover that Fignon didn’t really ride like that; it had been a trick of the camera. By the time I discovered the truth of that photo, I had ridden like that for so long that it felt lop-sided to go back to riding sensibly, with both hands level.
I felt awkward then, riding with both hands in the drops, as I chased my sister down a mountain during a family vacation in New York State. She was in front on her Raleigh with pink handlebars, and I was frantic at the notion that she was ahead of me. There was no alternative but to beat her through the series of sharp corners coming up ahead on the road we had dubbed “Alpe d’Huez” for its steepness and numerous twists and turns.
There was, of course, a very real alternative to beating her through those corners.
As I laid in the emergency room with the doctor scrubbing furiously at my wounds, he posed several theories that might explain the flawed decision tree that placed me in his care. The prominent thought suffocating my mind was that my cherished kit had been torn apart firstly by the crash and secondly by the doctor – and that neither seemed to hold the garments in the same esteem I did. It was destroyed; a summer of over-paid dog-walking lost.
As a matter of comparison, this commercial, aired during this year’s Tour de France, is exactly how I rode as a kid. In fact, I still do today.
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@Thighmaster
The guy in front is actually a time traveller sent back to test this year's Team GB track aero helmets away from prying eyes.
Why do the people sitting on the bench only have one leg each?
What's the hippy doing behind the telephone pole?
And why is there a gallows just off the course? Is this for anyone found doping?
@Thighmaster the bloke in front of you obviously didn't subscribe to either Rule #5 or Rule #9 if he's in full tights & long sleeves while you're in shorts and a short sleeve jersey. You look like you're travelling about 15% faster than him in that shot.
@Mikael Liddy you are spot on... I was overtaking him in that, the last turn heading into the straightaway, I was so far ahead of him at the finish I was elated, but because I started in last place (I arrived late) and he was in the top three for most of the race, they assumed he was the winner while I looked like the guy keeping up the rear. I was crestfallen until the crowd, the guy who actually placed second, and my team convinced the judges it was I who actually won.
@Thighmaster These photos and stories are super! Great stuff, and more please if you got 'em!
(Why did you have to give back the cash prize?)
@Oli
Thank you for your comment You are too kind.
In terms of the prize - after a week or so I was asked to give the money back. Apparently a highschool student was in the race, but that day neither the race organizer nor the student were aware that he could lose his highschool sports eligibility for participating in a paid sport competition. If I returned the money all would be well for him, so...
@Thighmaster
Fantastic story and pictures. That is what it is all about. Fantastic stuff. And I echo Oli in saying, why the fuck did you have to give your money back? Test positive for Too Much Awesome?
@Thighmaster Wow! And looks like the Blues Brothers are parked at the race (far left in the distance).
@Thighmaster Those days of USCF are great to remember. Being hauled around in the back of a VOLVO from one state to another. Selling items to come up with weekly race entry fees and travel. I am not a sentimental person, but I do have my original "paper" license in the wardrobe. Thanx for finding this and posting.
@Thighmaster So you're a Champion as well as a winner. Chapeau.
My first kit consisted of an old hand-me-down Saeco bib that flew in the face of rule #8 and directly violated rule #53, a jersey purchased at Winners, and an MTB hlemet.