Flies and dogs, two things that we don’t need on a climb.
I had descended down this street many times, but I had never before ridden up it. I even said hello to the two excited pitbulls on the other side of the driveway gate. I like dogs. I like them until one of them squeezes under the gate and I’m going uphill slowly. Pitbulls aren’t the fastest breed out there but they can haul ass when they have incentive. He was under the fence and closing the distance to me in seconds. Yelling and sprinting uphill; this could be a new speciality in the sport of cycling. I can shout curses, commands and climb at the same time, a skill the professionals never show off. He was right next to my rear wheel yet I escaped. The damage to my heart and nerves may last forever.
There was an older pitbull on our Sunday ride route. It always added a frisson as we approached the slight uphill bend. Sometime he was waiting for us, sometimes not. Luckily by the time I joined the rides he was a little more bark than bite and a watery blast from a bidon backed him off. Then he was down to three legs. Last time I saw him he was relaxing on the side of the road, he picked up his head and watched us ride by, and put his head down again. Score one for the cyclists.
It’s always a climb when some dog needs to chase me.
In New Mexico, on a rural highway, two dogs saw me from a house above the road. The dogs flew down into a deep gulch between the road and the house. I shifted up and started Hornering (must add to lexicon) my ass up the long hill, hoping they couldn’t get through the gulch. Please baby jesus don’t let them get through that gulch. They must have had a well worn path through that gulch as they were quickly coming up my side with only a guardrail between them and me. Again, I had just enough time to get body and bike flying before they got under the guardrail. Fuckers.
The bidon squirting is a good method; it surprises dogs completely. But it’s hard to do when gripping the bars tightly and crushing the pedals whilst cursing at beast. Pulling a bidon out and spraying a dog in the face requires one let a dog get his face in spraying distance and I’m not that guy if I can help it.
Having your legs spinning in a blurred motion might be a deterrent for the close-in dog. It’s harder to bite a blur.
Stopping? Who dares to stop and put the bike between shaved leg and dog? No, I’m not that guy either. If there is nothing to chase, they won’t bother you. Really, what single breed of dog is that? Most nasty dogs can’t believe their luck that you stopped; it nearly takes the fun out of it for them. What, I can just bite you now? So you stop and do not get bitten, dog just sits there and dares you to ride off. It is a standoff, hoping the owner eventually comes out to see why his dog is barking? The owner is at work, he should be home by 5:30pm.
I’m a bad sprinter and a bad climber but when chased I can do both at the same time. Maybe I just need a canine coach. It would produce my best hour record on the track; a slavering German Shepard who can run 40 km/hr for an hour. In some damaged atavistic part of my brain I actually appreciate this seemingly life or death sprint. I don’t enjoy it but I appreciate it. In cave days we had a rock or spear to make sure we made it through the day. Now we have a big chainring and ergo-shifters to assure our survival.
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Old dog story: Me, teenager, sprinting down the farm road that was 'mostly' the safest route home but for the German shepherd who took it into his head to bring the hate, every fucking time. I'd approach his domain with terror, looking for him, ready for full on balls out life saving sprint. After several sack shriveling events with this 4 legged asshat, one of which nearly got me creamed from behind by a truck, I wanted him to die. A plan evolved, and was employed next time out.
As previously noted, dogs have a genius for picking the line of least travel to intercept hapless riders, and as expected, El Doucho picked that line, and while staring at me hit full 'got you this time, fucker!' speed, promptly slamming into a parked pickup in mid growl. He was maybe a foot away. I'd seen him coming, of course, and had altered my line to 'maximum risk with potential of maximum payback' and skimmed my knuckles on the pickup's dirt. Sprinting full on, aimed at a parked vehicle = teeth gritting shitty bad times with a decent result. In hockey, this would have been boarding, or a blind side open ice hit maybe, except the vehicle was parked.
El Doucho was a non-starter next time I readied for the sprint. Looked over, then sniffed at the dirt. I never said he was stupid.
I see Mr Lemond is back in town, got a picture but wont seem to download, bugger, he wouldnt get chased by dogs, he would be doing the chasing!
His new bikes look OK also
I also had to deal with a daily dice with a dog, till one day he got so close that he received the downward stroke of a beartrap peddle going full V on the top of his head. The dog yelps, I am having major balance and trajectory problems on the wrong side of the road. I stay upright, so did the dog, we look at each other,call it quits and both sulk of home. He never stepped outside gate again though.
Just in reference to the lead photo...
Did you 'shop in the Liestrong cockring or is this proof COTHO didn't pioneer anything!
I had a paperound when I was a teenager that I did by BMX. It was in a fairly well to-do area with big houses and long sloping drives. One of the houses had a small lake and a flock of around 25 canadian geese that tried to attack me every single day. They were evil fuckers. The worst part was the noise they made as they were chasing me up the drive rather than the odd goose peck that they managed to land. I still hate geese.
For me, the most dangerous dogs are the ones being walked with retractable leads. When one of those runs across your path stretching that lead out like a bike height trip wire you soon have to decide if you can stop in time.
@harminator
The lead photo is an updated version of this, which is better but not big enough. No cockring or he was wearing the black HTFU band.
@starclimber
"Boarding" a German Shepard is excellent. Score another for the cyclist. Is there a worse breed out there? Ill tempered evil dogs, good for little else but scaring people. Have I ever met a truly friendly one? No. Asshats indeed.
@Bianchi Denti
I actually own that kit. It's buried deep in my estate thankfully. Three of us fat bastards bought them at once and we scared a lot more family members than animals. More tittering than terror, actually. While the whole team wore that, really only Cipo pulled it off.
The gent in the lead photo is beyond awesome. There might be fuckload of Rule contraventions but if you're going to be cycling around the savannah then white shirt and trousers is clearly de rigueur. And those shoes...
"Darling, fix me stiff drink, that lion got just a little too close for comfort. I really must go back to the 11 tooth cassette"
@norm
The force is strong within me and so I will risk embedded video again and making a fool of myself........
The above re retractable leads reminded me of this......
Oh rowlocks!
Back to dunces corner here's the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBlQTZqB3AQ