In our continuing guest article series, @eightzero weighs in on the modern cycling jersey. It’s made of some unholy material which has a half-life of fifty years and unless you crash in it, it’s still in your kit drawer.
Yours in Cycling, Gianni
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As the song goes, “we need dirty laundry” so goes the pile of road gear. While the preferred kit is the Sacred Garments of the Velominati, it is also true that said SGs need periodic washing. Nothing is worse (and potentially dangerous to one’s health) than pulling on yesterday’s bibs and jersey. I know the commandment to heed Rule #5 at all times, but staph infections are taking it to the extreme. I suspect even The Keepers would not endorse throwing one’s self to the pavement intentionally to acquire road rash just so we can look like Jens. Since giving the Machine a quick rub down after the ride is a priority, getting the SGs through the laundry often requires a delay.
Thus, most Velominati have a store of various bibs, base layers, gloves, and jerseys. And the latter is what gives me pause. Oh, what to do with those jerseys acquired with stars in my eyes – when those same jerseys and logos were adorned by the True Giants of the Road I so wished to emulate? A certain Texan made buying postage stamps cool, and then I had to have shark week on my TV. My sister-in-law was afflicted by MS, so it was natural that I show my support for the Tyler Hamilton Foundation, and his teeth grinding rides with CSC. And then, I had to look like Floyd. Had to. He was the Guy That Got Screwed. The guy that stood up to the alphabet soup groups. The guy that was going to make a difference and provide the hardmen with fairness.
Yeah, that turned out well.
I do my level best not to think that I have more invested in cycling clothing than I do in Machines. This clothing stuff is expensive. And, even though I now know that USPS was likely defrauded, that THF spent donations on Ty’s legal defense, that I can’t afford cable TV anymore (much less a science-y channel on the premium lineup) that CSC… well… hell, I don’t even know what CSC makes. And of course, Floyd has moved on to something called NASCAR, something I don’t even think of as sport. (I know I am going to catch hell for that, but really, driving in circles isn’t even exercise. What will be next? Olympic bus riding?) But I still have all these perfectly functional cycling kits and jerseys. They will function just fine, but somehow they always seem to find their way to the bottom of the stack, far, far below the SGs. I seek the path of the Velominati, and it is oh so hard to feel the guiding hand of Merckx upon me when resplendent in the wardrobe of… douchebags.
I guess I can be a little philosophical – I did resist the urge to buy Rock Racing’s kit – the most expensive of them all. Sure it looked pretty jazzy – I even met Michael Ball once – but $280 for a jersey? No wonder the dude has more money than, well, the United States. And I just never did get around to a Bahati Foundation jersey. I think my internet connection was down the day Floyd was on that team. My dad does like his Phonak hearing aid I got for him though. So I got that going for me.
So, off I go to eBay again looking for bargains. I see BMC kit prices are way, way up. For now. Sigh. Guess I’ll have to have one. La vie Velominatus.
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View Comments
@Marko
Daehle's approach to racing was so great; just go á bloc from the start and see how far you get, As a junior, it was 5K, then 7K, then 10k. Then he graduated to the 15K and 30K. And never really made it to 50K. He would either win, or he'd run out of steam before the finish, put 'er in reverse, and get 30th. Not to mention his signature finish-line collapse. He just V'd it up every time.
Most exciting ski finish of all time:
@Marko
An having your own island on a lake doesn't really hurt, either.
@RedRanger
I don't get so nastalgic for the 98*F heat with 99.999999999% humidity. Lift a fork and break out in a sweat. Yuck.
@gaswepass
No, no. Not at all. Phinney. A solid three minute ride from Ballard.
@frank
The dude took second in a photo finish in 2010 in the American Birkie classic race. He's still killing it. That video is awesome. Those guys are so fast.
BTW, if we're going to venture into other sports talk aside from cycling, this is apropro. No ball sport honeybear footballer bullshit that doesn't equate.
@frank
Skate-skiing technique is all about the V, obviously.
@Marko
How about them NY Rangers ay?
@scaler911
This seems to me to be required kit for couples tandem riding, no?
@frank
Good point on that humidity. While I lived there I worked in south saint Paul in the beef slaughter house. Those fuckers get hot what with being elbow deep in dead cattle. Got down to 62kilo @ 178cm. Damn I miss being that slim.
@rhys
I quite understand old chap. While not telling my fellow cycling buddies what to do I do give them the odd little jibe about things like socks or mtn bike pedals. A joke with a jag as I think they say in Ireland.
I am quite guarded about overstepping the mark too especially in fairly new company. I am quite new here myself but it seems most everyone has a great sense of humour and its mostly taken in fun and nearly always funny. I'm glad you see some kinship here, hopefully you stick around even if like me it's to mostly lurk.
I would argue though (and this was the reason for my original post)that whilst we might make an attempt at maximizing our own subjective level of V what we really all have in common here is either having or wanting to aquire a sense cycling asthetics, etiquette and attention to the minutia of our sport that goes beyond that of the casual or regular cyclist. It's fascinating and it's the very discussions and diffferent ideas of what constitutes looking "pro" , casually deliberate or just fabulous on a bike. Or the debates of what the ideal mini tool should have on it or the detailed discussions in the "Anatomy of a photo", these are the things that keep us coming back here to read and join in with the discussion. So when people say,as they have had a tendancy over the last month to,that it doesn't really matter, I think to myself, yes...it does matter. That's exactly why we are here to have these discussions which we all find fascinating but which other people would regard pointless. To us it matters. And this is part of what sets Velominati apart from mere cyclists.
Sorry for the long winded post. Wow..cheers keeps for the kit dealy...is that permanent or like a weekly thing?? I guess now I feel almost obliged to get the real thing.
@Frank: My favorite biathlete has been Ole Einar Bjoerndalen of Norway, and heck the whole Viking team...always have been my one of my 2 favorite non home country nations is winter sports along with Switerland. This was only strengthened by a trip to the Holmenkollen and seeing one of the shrines of the Nordic world.
@Marko: I had forgotten Herminator's flirtation with cycing- that never had any realistic chance with his body type. I have colleagues that were former national level alpine skiers- it was fairly unanimous in these circles that the Herminator was on the juice as well as being a sick skier.
And now for something completely different, check out the madman riding the Zoncolan without a front wheel.