Hello Operator

Marco Pantani had Armstrong on the ropes. It was the Col de Joux Plane in the 2000 Tour de France and the only time Pharmy was in real, genuine difficulty during any of his “seven” Tours. So he did what any reasonable rider would do: he got on the radio with his team boss and demanded he call his coach and renowned doping genius Michele Ferrari to find out precisely how long Pantani could sustain his effort. Ferrari crunched some numbers on his custom Effort Finder-Outer Machine and got back with the good news that Pantani couldn’t hold the pace to the finish.

The problem Batman had with The Joker was that Batman was rational and The Joker was insane. And insane people don’t always do what rational people expect them to do. Like having a plan, for instance. Or wanting to make it to the finish at all. Lance wasn’t Batman – not by a stretch – and Pantani wasn’t insane. But the point is, they weren’t thinking about the race the same way. Armstrong wanted to win the Tour de France but was a stubborn ass who was too proud to let the world’s best climber drop him. Pantani, on the other hand, had already lost everything and been to Hell and back; he had nothing to lose and was more than willing to sacrifice his own Tour if it meant he could fuck with Pharmstrong, even for a bit.

So he rode until the lights went out and climbed into the team car. Ciao. Armstrong was left holding the bag. Or, rather, not holding a mussette with any food in it. Bon jour, Monsieur avec le Hammer. Comment allez vous?

Cyclists have always used whatever dubious means they can find in order to gain an advantage, this is not news. It is only natural in a sport as demanding as this, which is not to say it is by any means excusable. But cheating has been woven into the fabric of our sport since the earliest days; in the first Tours de France several riders were disqualified for getting tows from teammates via cable and jumping on trains to rest the legs and gain a few extra kilometers over their rivals in the process.

When Greg LeMond helped pioneer the use of radios between riders and the team car, I hardly think he imagined his nemesis using the technology to contact the most notorious doping mastermind in the sport in order to gain a mid-race performance update from Italy. I don’t know why that feels so much worse than regular doping. It almost feels like putting a motor in your bottom bracket or something.

Motors? Now we’re getting far-fetched.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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  • Just watched the Pantani documentary for the first time the other day. Depressing and sad.  Netflix it or rent it on Amazon Prime if you haven't seen it.  Well worth the time.  It touches on another tradition: raise your hero up and praise him like a demi-god; then when he starts to win too much, turn on him like rabid dogs.  (M. Fignon, please call your office.)

  • Yes, I saw that film.  It is a great documentary.  Tragic story.  I don't like that he was doping, but I feel really bad for him and for those who knew him.  Was it LeMan who said that when he met Pantani he was surprised to find that he had the eyes of a young boy?  I cannot help but feel that for all that was happening at that time, Pantani was just an idealistic young man who loved to race his bike.  The ugly side of the professional cycling business is what destroyed him.  That guy had class and personality to spare, didn't he? R.I.P. Marco.

  • @Oli

    @MTS

    Pharmacy + Armstrong = Pharmy

    I think he was trying to be facetious.  Before I say it was facile instead, I'll give @MTS the benefit of the doubt and assume he doesn't see it the way I do.  Namely, as two bookends of the same mess.  Yes they both used performance enhancing substances (love ya Marco, but let's keep it real).  So that said, on the one hand we have Pharmstrong who pushed to find new ways to dope, and didn't just observe omerta, didn't just persistently lie about it, he outright went after anyone who might lift the curtain with hurricane force; and on the other hand we have Pantani who fell in line, did what he needed to do, all the while probably succumbing to the pressure from sources we may never fully know.  These guys came from two entirely different worlds.  One was a playmaker with an ego the size of his home state, the other set out to live his dream and ended up a pawn.  I can't help but feel bad for Il Pirata while still feeling disdain for COTHO.

    This reminds me. We need an evanescent riders feature on Evgeni Berzin.  Boy did that guy ever get wrecked when he crossed over from the Iron Curtain.

  • Great article again. The only problem I have with it is that I've been trying to wipe my memory banks of those tours and the oxygen thief who finished first in them. I also find it fifer and forgive Phil Liggett for his breathless bloviating commentary which   only ramped up further as the doping evidence mounted - along with Armstrong's psychopathic bullying. Worst of all, he's still claiming he's a deserving winner and asking us to believe he's hard done by. It's like the guy who stole your prized bike ten years ago turns up at your door to ask for forgiveness and understanding - he's still got your bike and won't give it back, but he'd like you to feel sorry for him and by the way, can he borrow your new bike? Cheating I get. Pantani was a cheat. But he was also a loveable flawed human being. Lance might qualify as flawed - that's as close as he comes to the rest of Pantani.

  • @Clank

    Cheating I get. Pantani was a cheat. But he was also a loveable flawed human being. Lance might qualify as flawed – that’s as close as he comes to the rest of Pantani.

    That's a pretty good analysis of why we can love Pantani and Ullrich but hate Armstrong. I guess it's along the lines of 'Love the person, hate the crime.'

  • Hey,

    I really enjoy these articles and thank everyone who comments on them, particularly in respects to Pantani.

    I had zoned out of cycling around the mid 90's to the 2010's and see Pantani as a hero I can aspire to be like and hopefully, one day, ride like.

    Hey, I even shave my hair and have a Mercatone Uno jersey.

    So thank you for helping enlighten me.

    Lunga vita Pantani,

     

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