I love the shape of it. Aroma of it. The way it feels to be around it. It will catch my eye from across the way; I will be powerless to resist taking in its form and perhaps allow my hand to graze its surface. The source of such beauty and harmony, it is a fountain of unspeakable happiness.

It offers me companionship when I need it, solitude when I want to be alone. It distracts me when I’m trying to focus and focuses me when I am trying not to be distracted. It inspires me to take chances, and reminds me to be patient.

It breaks me down when I’m overconfident, it builds me up when I’m insecure. It brings me pain to remind me I should become a stronger man.

I love it when it’s flawless, but I love it more when it shows signs of wear; our time together has changed us both indelibly for the better.

It is no wonder the French and Italians refer to the bicycle in the feminine form, for all these things embody what it means to be a strong woman.

Women are made to be loved, not understood. -Oscar Wilde

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • @Chris

    @wiscot

    @Chris

    @sthilzy
    WTF are those things on her head anyway? The can't be curlers as there's really nothing that can be done on the improvements front. Are they some sort of fat persons sausage holding survival kit for when she's got to leave the immediate vicinity of the fridge?

    Correct. She is from Wisconsin and those curlers craftily hide a box of Johnsonville bratwurst in case she gets the munchies.

    Carrying sausages is probably the only exercise she gets, might account for the neck.

    When you emigrated to Wisconsin, did you introduce the Scottish love of battering and deep frying all things from confectionery to offal? Were the locals skinny before that?

    I don't think introducing Wisconsinites to the joys of deep frying everything would be a good move. They seem to be doing ok with fish frys as it is. I think they might develop a love of Iru Bru if it was ever imported.

  • @Chris

    @wiscot

    I think one of the things that really ties us to our machines is that they are all - to a great extent - customized. .

    @ChrisO I know you're a big fan of Brooks saddles but are your bikes pretty much stock apart from that? does the fact that you see them as tools rather than obsess over them keep the upgrading to a minimum?

    Well one of them is handbuilt to me so that's not stock. The Colnago - I've changed bars, seatposts, tape. The Ridley was bought as F+F with a custom paintjob and the rest was to my specs... So I guess the answer is no.

    Having said that I was quite happy to turn up at the Keepers Tour and ride a rental bike. I'm not obsessive about what I am on. I'd rather have been on my own bike for comfort and performance but it wouldn't have made me appreciate my bike any more or any less by 'sharing' the experience.

    Just to be clear, I'm not saying I see them only as tools - I totally see the beauty of them as design. Like that Merckx that Pistard posted - I look at that and think it is a beautiful thing.

    But I admire bikes in the way I admire a work of art or a piece of music. I don't feel emotional about them.

    In a fire I would be more likely to save my cat than my bike.*

    (*I only leave out my wife and children because they live in London while I'm in Abu Dhabi, so chances are they would have to save themselves inshallah).

  • @Chris

    @Chris

    Hey, give us some credit. We were deep frying and ingesting everything we could find way before @wiscot showed up, and then we shove it on a stick for easy eatin'. Sausage. Bacon. Bananas. Snickers bars. Car batteries. Etc. Every year the top headline from the State Fair is what new deep-fried food-on-a-stick they've come up with.

  • @motor city

    @versio

    @Jamie
    What size shoe? I have a bargain if interested "” Giro Prolight SLX Black 44? I need a 44.5.

    Nice shoes and I'm generally 44 (UK 9). If @Jamie passes, how much?

    They are scuffed on the right front. Just listed on Ebay today, so you could make an offer with Free shipping. Mention Velominati in your offer and I will give you a great bargain. Listed under title (Pre-owned Giro Prolight SLX cycling shoes Black size 44).

  • @motor city

    @versio

    @Jamie
    What size shoe? I have a bargain if interested "” Giro Prolight SLX Black 44? I need a 44.5.

    Nice shoes and I'm generally 44 (UK 9). If @Jamie passes, how much?

    Need 60.00 USD to offer free shipping. Where are you located? Might need to make exception to the exclusion list.

  • @The Oracle

    @Chris

    @Chris

    Hey, give us some credit. We were deep frying and ingesting everything we could find way before @wiscot showed up, and then we shove it on a stick for easy eatin'. Sausage. Bacon. Bananas. Snickers bars. Car batteries. Etc. Every year the top headline from the State Fair is what new deep-fried food-on-a-stick they've come up with.

    Indeed. In Scotland we just use our fingers. The sophisticates in WI use a stick. When I lived in IN a friend worked in a restaurant. One night he took the fat they cut off steaks, cubed it, rolled it in some spices and batter and deep fried it. In other words, deep-fried fat. The staff loved them but they never got on the menu. He called them Hoosier Snacks.

  • @Marko

    The wear and tear kind and the oh shit kind.

    Ain't that the truth. Good wear: rub marks on the cranks, the labels on the nose of your saddle being worn off...Bad wear: concave rim walls, deep scratch on the top tube where you leaned it against a tree by the frame instead of the saddle....

    @Chris

    @sthilzy, @Marko
    New rule proposal, you can only post pictures of fat people if they're as fit as Jessica Ennis.

    Brilliant.

  • @The Oracle

    @Chris

    @Chris

    Hey, give us some credit. We were deep frying and ingesting everything we could find way before @wiscot showed up, and then we shove it on a stick for easy eatin'. Sausage. Bacon. Bananas. Snickers bars. Car batteries. Etc. Every year the top headline from the State Fair is what new deep-fried food-on-a-stick they've come up with.

    One of the greatest things I've ever eaten are deep fried cheese curds in Black River Falls WI.

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