Chuck Flop had some of the best guns in the business.
Three things define a Cyclist: their ability to crush fools, their ability to Look Fantastic, and the Magnificence of their Guns. If you are lacking in one, it is mandatory that the other two are increased in compensation. In the immortal words of Paul Fournel, “To Look Good is already to go fast.” Thank Merckx for that, because not all of us can be bothered with all that training business and other stuff required to crush fools. It is rather practical being a fool, then, as I can simply crush myself to tick that particular box.
My biggest shortcoming as a Cyclist is my lack of Magnificent Guns; long, skinny pins is what I’ve got. Ride as I might, there is nothing I can do outside of taking HGH or testosterone. Both of which I’ve considered. All this results in a severe case of Gun Envy any time I see a rider endowed with rippling cannons. Cancellara and Boonen come to mind in the modern generation; Jan Ullrich and Gilberto Simoni from the generation just gone.
It takes more than girth to inspire Gun Envy; it takes definition and shape. The quads and calves must be well-balanced; giant, amorphic cannons are just as shameful as the starter pistols I’ve got. The holy grail is a sharply defined boundary under the Vastus Medialus, a razor-sharp inverted V on the top of the quad, and a Goldilocks calf perched above a slender ankle. A photographic study suggests that Pre-EPO but post-Steroid muscle development yielded in the perfect storm for musculature; most riders from the mid-nineties onwards lacked the definition that most of the stars of the 70’s and 80’s had.
I will spin a wild theory on this and report back triumphantly with details. In the meantime, I will busy myself staring at these photos.
I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…
Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…
The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…
Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…
This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…
I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…
View Comments
Greipel. Just sayin'...
I didn't even get to the caption and I thought, My Word! Those are some impressive guns!
Yep, I have the lower legs of my 28 pound terrier. They're pitiful. The VMH was comparing hers to mine and said mine are half the size. Oh well, bad genetics. A lifetime of sports and they ain't growin'.
I was once told I looked like I was standing on a chicken. That said, this whole thing feels a bit too much like bodybuilding for me. I will crush fools, or at least, heads. Clush, clush, clush.
Mine are much better than this time last year, but I still only weigh about $1.30 so looking fantastic and crushing fools are my only chance!?
your man's guns in the main photo look a bit too disproportionate for my taste
I always thought that Hans-Henrik Oersted had a serious set of guns
Or Alexander Kiritichenko
..who..amazing still took the Silver medal at Worlds in this pictured Kilo tt..even after snapping his bar in half 500m into his ride. Now that's some V!
@Magnus
I saw Greipel interviewed yesterday after his Giro stage win. First, it was amazing how much skinnier he was than Juan Antonio Flecha, only a few years removed from the peloton. Puts into perspective the average working stiff who rides vs. a PRO. Secondly, he's listed as 6' and JAF as 5'11", but JAF looked to be significantly taller.
Was Juan Antonio wearing PeeWee's shoes from the bartop dance?
You gotta get up pretty early in the morning to beat Super M
Never thought I'd ogle men's legs and enjoy it...
A personal favorite
I've always had BFGs. When the sun bronzes them, they look magnificent. They're a liability going uphill, however.
Having said that, I rode on the track with Curt Harnett a couple of times this winter. I no longer think I have big guns. That dude has massive guns!