Chuck Flop had some of the best guns in the business.
Three things define a Cyclist: their ability to crush fools, their ability to Look Fantastic, and the Magnificence of their Guns. If you are lacking in one, it is mandatory that the other two are increased in compensation. In the immortal words of Paul Fournel, “To Look Good is already to go fast.” Thank Merckx for that, because not all of us can be bothered with all that training business and other stuff required to crush fools. It is rather practical being a fool, then, as I can simply crush myself to tick that particular box.
My biggest shortcoming as a Cyclist is my lack of Magnificent Guns; long, skinny pins is what I’ve got. Ride as I might, there is nothing I can do outside of taking HGH or testosterone. Both of which I’ve considered. All this results in a severe case of Gun Envy any time I see a rider endowed with rippling cannons. Cancellara and Boonen come to mind in the modern generation; Jan Ullrich and Gilberto Simoni from the generation just gone.
It takes more than girth to inspire Gun Envy; it takes definition and shape. The quads and calves must be well-balanced; giant, amorphic cannons are just as shameful as the starter pistols I’ve got. The holy grail is a sharply defined boundary under the Vastus Medialus, a razor-sharp inverted V on the top of the quad, and a Goldilocks calf perched above a slender ankle. A photographic study suggests that Pre-EPO but post-Steroid muscle development yielded in the perfect storm for musculature; most riders from the mid-nineties onwards lacked the definition that most of the stars of the 70’s and 80’s had.
I will spin a wild theory on this and report back triumphantly with details. In the meantime, I will busy myself staring at these photos.
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@Magnus
To me, his legs are way too thick and big...almost looks fakey!
@Joe
@SamV
I do that all the time.
@Steampunk
Track Gun Envy happening at 0:00.45:
@Gianni
That is the undeniable truth about a good rouleur; you can see them from very far away and the way they sit on the machine and pedal just speaks volumes.
I love that shit.
@wilburrox
He is my weight or a little lighter, but possibly more muscle and less fat, and looks like a bratwurst on a bike compared to his fellows.
Fucking love that dude though. Some shots from KT2015.
@Pedale.Forchetta
Two points: First, living in Italy, being Italian, an amazing photog and at the Giro reminds me that you have life sorted out. Second, why the fuck would anyone wear their bibs so fucking long and cover up their cannons?
@Ccos
This is a simple matter of wearing your bibs properly. I had to educate many people on Keepers Tour on this matter; something I never imagined was a matter for education in the first place. An article must be conjured on this subject.
1. I have reasonable ( not magnificent ) guns
2. I look okay ( not fantastic )
3. I couldn't crush a grape ( let alone a fool )
Putting on muscle has never been a problem for me, and recent weight loss (about 8 kg) means that the muscle I had already plus the gunnage I've added through recent training means I'm looking pretty ripped. Unfortunately for any climbing ambitions, a good proportion of that is upper body and I have issues getting the lower Guns of Navarone to fire for more than a couple of minutes.
I should so be a track rider.