Categories: EtiquetteLe GraveurMusings from the V-BunkerNostalgiaThe Bikes

On Rule #12: The Bike #1 Paradox

This helps make a bike special.

[rule number=12/]

The only parents who proclaim to have a favorite child are the ones who have only one; all the other ones pretend they don’t have a favorite because they are each “different and special in their own way”. It’s complete bollocks, that, and we all know every parent does in fact have a favorite, but we like the lie more than we like the truth, so we all play along.

Rule #12 poses a similar conundrum, one in which we tell ourselves the same lie: we love all our bikes equally. Which we don’t, of course; we all have a favorite. A friend recently asked me how one goes about the business of judging which bike is your favorite and even as I told the usual lie, I was performing the calculus as to which actually is my favorite.

Sentimentally, I’d have to say my favorite is my first love, my Bianchi EV2 which currently hangs in disrepair in the back corner of the basement, waiting to be restored to period-correct glory. Either that or my steel Bianchi TSX with simplex downtube shifters and sexy silver Campa hubs and bits. Or my Cervelo R3 which was my first carbon steed and who loyally carried me over two Cobbled Classics Keepers Tours and currently faithfully serves as my Nine Bike. Or my Veloforma CCX which was my first custom-painted bike, gloriously flying the colors of the Velominati with a V-Lion headtube badge. Or my Veloforma Strada iR which is my go-to featherweight road steed on summer rides. Apparently I’m sentimental about any bike I’ve ever suffered on, so measure turns out not to be a helpful one.

From a utility standpoint, one might suggest the #1 would be the one you ride most often, but no bike should go unridden, and we should endeavor to ride them equally. That has that one sorted as a useless measure as well. The next obvious measure would be the one we take out on special rides, irrespective of the weather or road conditions. Or perhaps it is simply the one we spent the most money on, the one that helps us observe Rule #25, but cost seems like a silly reason to prefer one bike over another.

My Bike #1 is the one that makes me feel most free, that returns me most dearly to the reasons why I started riding a bike in the first place: my Graveur. It carries me through the backcountry forest roads in Washington State, on rides that almost always start and end accompanied by my other loyal steed, our pitbull-greyhound mutt. You can’t feel more free on a bike than that.

I’ll say it again: the road is where my heart lies, but the gravel is where I find my soul. VLVV.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

frank says:

Sep 28 2015 at 10:56 am

@chris

@Marko

I couldn’t agree more. In fact, I’ll see your Graveur and raise you an adventure bike. Once I bought my fatbike last winter a little lightbulb went off. Super fun and had me riding in the dead of winter over lakes and trails that were formerly inaccessible on two wheels. But the white hot light of a thousand suns shown down on me when I put 29+ carbon hoops, 3″ tires, and drop bars on the thing. A whole new world opened up. Load it with packs and go to the mountains, get lost in the 100 mile swamp, roll fast on gravel, single-track – why not. This bike has been my go-to this summer. So bloody fun. And although I’d never tell my C40 – ssshhhhh – I think it’s number 1.

That thing looks pretty awesome but you would appear to have put the drive train on back to front.

Classic!

@KogaLover

There, that's better. There's an unwritten bylaw, however, that would state you can go to big bidon's when you're doing 160km solo rides through the wilderness in the heat.
Nate says:

Sep 28 2015 at 2:18 pm

@frank

When are you going to pay a visit to Steve Hampsten and see about getting yourself a proper custom bike? Until then, I will have to paraphrase Yoda and say "what know you favorite?"
Oli says:

Sep 28 2015 at 3:03 pm

@DeKerr

Haha, thanks! I was just trying to portray the escape from domestic drudgery a bike ride entails ...

@Ron

Thanks man!
Gianni says:

Sep 28 2015 at 5:23 pm
@frank
@Mike Smith
Foul for christ sakes, somebody call the Pope.

Rule #29 //
No European Posterior Man-Satchels.

Saddle bags have no place on a road bike, and are only acceptable on mountain bikes in extreme cases.
Its a tubular tire, genius. If you’re going to try to call me out on a Rule Violation, you’re going to have try a lot fucking harder than that.
That's funny stuff right there...
frank says:

Sep 28 2015 at 9:06 pm

@Nate

@frank

When are you going to pay a visit to Steve Hampsten and see about getting yourself a proper custom bike? Until then, I will have to paraphrase Yoda and say “what know you favorite?”

Steve and I are talking about it constantly, but to be honest I'm scared because I know I'm walking out of that meeting having ordered an unapproved bike and I'm wondering whether I'm getting close to the S in S-1.
Nate says:

Sep 28 2015 at 10:32 pm

@Oli that is super cool.
KogaLover says:

Sep 29 2015 at 12:52 am

@frank

@KogaLover

There, that’s better. There’s an unwritten bylaw, however, that would state you can go to big bidon’s when you’re doing 160km solo rides through the wilderness in the heat.

Thanks, so I guess the Rule #41 violation is another unwritten bylaw which stipulates that it's OK to put front skewer into aero position if chased by a wild dog on a 160km solo ride through the wilderness in the heat. I think this calls for a new book: "the By-rules"?
RobSandy says:

Sep 29 2015 at 1:01 am

I only have one road bike. Obviously, I have 2 other bikes to conform with the most basic stipulations of Rule #12 (mountain bike and commuter).

But obviously I love the road bike the most.

But when I think about it I don't love it for what it is, what it's made of; aluminium tubes, cables and some rubber, I love it for what it provides - the freedom and escape when I swing my leg over the top tube.

I bought it a year ago without having really done much road riding and it is definitely the best thing I've bought,
Oli says:

Sep 29 2015 at 1:48 am

@Nate

Cheers!
chris says:

Sep 29 2015 at 4:06 am

@frank

@chris

@Marko

I couldn’t agree more. In fact, I’ll see your Graveur and raise you an adventure bike. Once I bought my fatbike last winter a little lightbulb went off. Super fun and had me riding in the dead of winter over lakes and trails that were formerly inaccessible on two wheels. But the white hot light of a thousand suns shown down on me when I put 29+ carbon hoops, 3″ tires, and drop bars on the thing. A whole new world opened up. Load it with packs and go to the mountains, get lost in the 100 mile swamp, roll fast on gravel, single-track – why not. This bike has been my go-to this summer. So bloody fun. And although I’d never tell my C40 – ssshhhhh – I think it’s number 1.

That thing looks pretty awesome but you would appear to have put the drive train on back to front.

Classic!

@KogaLover

There, that’s better. There’s an unwritten bylaw, however, that would state you can go to big bidon’s when you’re doing 160km solo rides through the wilderness in the heat.

Odd, I could have sworn the unwritten bylaw about 160km solo rides through the wilderness in the heat was that a third bidon stowed in the jersey's middle pocket was acceptable.

@DeKerr

While in context of the Cognoscenti the Rules Violations on this steed abound, however; viewed on its own for what it is, it is a thing thing of beauty.

That said, the current EPMS (while arguably necessary on such a rig) still looks like an unnecessary testicle. I humbly suggest something that tucks up closer to the saddle, thereby interfering less with the otherwise smooth lines.

@frank speaking of dangling testicular protuberances, how about The Unsullied as a new lexicon entry for those who take care to pack only the barest essentials no matter what the duration or magnitude of a ride might be so as not to defile their bikes or weigh down their jerseys?