Rule #12 is a luxury of passion; the #1 for good weather and epic rides or races, the Nine Bike for bad weather, the Graveur (which is neither a cross bike nor a road bike), a ‘Cross bike, a mountain bike, a townie, a track bike, a time trial bike. Add in steel, carbon, titanium – a bike for each material and a material for each bike. The only logical conclusion is that we all need – need – a bare minimum of somewhere in the neighborhood of 25 bikes. Columbo couldn’t poke a hole in that case.

On the other hand, there is something to be said for just riding your bike wherever you happen to point it, in whatever weather you happen to be riding in, on whatever kind of road you happen to have at your disposal.

We should collect as many bikes as we can love, but we should also remember that bikes were meant to be ridden, not pampered. Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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  • @The Grande Fondue

    Some people, I'm lead to believe, will pay good beer-chits to have mud slathered all over their face as they think it will enhance their looks. Here we have a fine example of beauty therapy for free.

  • @markb

    @pistard

    : "Why do you need eight track bikes? They're all the same."

    Simple response:

    "When you start wearing the same clothes every day, I'll listen, otherwise fuck off".

    (Add 'Mum', 'love', 'officer', 'sir' as appropriate)

    Brilliant!

  • No matter which formula one uses to determine the proper number of steeds (n+1 vs s-1), it should never involve a recumbent. I suspect the purchase of one requires the removal of one's gonads (sans anesthesia no doubt and performed right there in the shop by someone bearing a striking resemblance to that gimp fellow from Pulp Fiction).

    Two asides: 1. Where does one exactly purchase a recumbent? I've never seen a store. But just as I have never seen a pigeon chick or nest, they must exist. 2. LeMan's position in that photo is just fucking rockstar perfect.
  • @Chris

    @Oli

    I have a dozen bikes I could ride at any given time, but I seem to mainly ride one.

    I can understand why, that is a stunning bike in a most understated way.

    I'm currently at n = 3 but that a slightly simplistic way to look at it as 3 = r + m + b where r is road, m is mountain and b is bmx.

    I've had the mountainbike on ebay a couple of times recently but suspect that it was too close to Christmas. I'm not in a rush to get rid of it but if I got a decent price for it I'd put the cash towards another road bike. As for the bmx, I should probably put that on ebay as well an look for a cheap second hand cross bike.

    12 might be Frank's magic number but I suspect that for most of us a realistic maximum would be 3, the #1, a dual purpose cross/graveur and a nine bike. Or the #1, a cross bike and a dual purpose graveur/nine bike. Or combinations thereof.

    How was twelve my magic number? Didn't I say 25? Also, I made that number up because doing math is harder than choosing a random number.

    I do agree that a very sensible number is 3; a good weather/race/event bike (I distinguish between good weather and events because you should ride your good bike irrespective of the weather on non-training rides), a Nine Bike (which if its good enough could double as an every day trainer if you really want to keep the good one for racing/events so you can feel like you're flying that day) and the CX/Graveur.

    Then a retro steel with dt shifters is fun, and don't get me started on having a variety of wheels to choose from.

    But one bike is fine, too; you'd just have to clean it more diligently which is its own kind of passion.

  • @Gregory Higgins

    My first post, First I thank thee for providing a special place for cyclists to post. Yes I must agree Frank, there is nothing like a healthy obsession. Why are our brake cables on the wrong side in oz?

    Well, you're already on the wrong side of the planet, so what does it matter you also fucked up the brakes?

    @KogaLover

    Already/only(?) have 4 bikes (new #1 to arrive next week, the 33yrs old steel #1 becoming the Nine Bike, a mountainbike, old steel Raleigh townie), plus I also bought a Koga for the VMW->VMH, so have reached my S-1 for now. Still need to decide which bike will get the inside-trainer-tube... Life's full of difficult questions.

    I use this exercise this technique myself. Highly effective.

  • @Oli

    I have a dozen bikes I could ride at any given time, but I seem to mainly ride one.

    Beauty. Almost didn't recognize you without the Bianchi. I trust they are safe and well in the stable?

  • @Ron

    I've got a big heart, so I can love a big stable.

    Right now I'm set on bikes, I just want to perfect a few to my liking. Would like a new wheelset for my Casati but I'm having trouble setting on rims. Right now it has mismatched Open Pros, one black, one white, with black Record hubs (not my doing, was purchased used). I'd like to use the hubs and go with low profile alloy rims, but not easy to find 32h rims. I'd love to go with the white/silver DT 465s, but they were only made in 28s. It's a silver frameset with white and silver parts, so I'd like to stay away from black rims.

    Oli, great bike and great photo! I love seeing shots of New Zealand.

    On the contrary, I think an anodized rim (tubulars, if you are sufficiently sophisticated) would be a beautiful compliment. Mind you, anodized is not black. They'll be stronger than silver rims, too.

  • @Bruce Lee

    I, for one, agree that one should have a quiver of bikes to use for the adventure at hand. But I have to admit there seems to be a ratio between ones income, number of bikes, and time to ride. When I made very little money I had lots of time to ride, and just one bike (a great one, was the old Merckx). Now, I can afford that selection of bikes for whatever purpose, but the time to ride has been surrendered to the job for the money. I love having a selection of bikes in my garage but sometimes I'd rather have the time I had as a kid to roll the miles on just one good bici.

    A-Merckx, brother. A-Merckx.

    @wiscot

    I think they were replaceable. I never had a pair, but knew guys who did. I think they rinsed it out until it got too groaty them used the glasses without it. When you're a pro, I'm sure Oakley gave you a bag full of replacements.

    It's hard to tell from images, but I think when Hampsten wore his on the infamous Gavia state in 88, he didn't have the sweat band thing on. In fact, from a bit of research, I think AH eschewed the sweat bar as from memory, it tended to push the glasses off the face.

    Yeah, they had sticky tape to stick them on. You could rinse them for ages (a season at least) and then when the foam broke down a bit you could stick a new one on. They shipped with spares, if memory serves.

  • @Oli

    @wilburrox

    @Oli

    What is the story with these bikes named Benson? Someone had posted a snapshot of their orange Benson on the bike thread the other day. I've not heard of Benson and a google search across the inter webs doesn't give me any clue. Dang, red is a great color for a bike. If I didn't like black so much I'd have a garage full of red bikes. Black with a little red? maybe perfect. Cheers

    There aren't many Bensons about, I'm part of a lucky select few. They are built by the wonderful guru David Benson here in New Zealand. DB has a full time job (working for the local Campagnolo importer) so the frame building is very much a part-time labour of love thing for friends, although he's been building on and off since the early 90s.

    I was lucky enough to get one thanks to a syndicate of dear, dear friends who got together and commissioned (and paid!) David to build it for me - it's truly custom in that DB has actually known me for years, he knows my riding preferences and he knows I'm an, er, "powerfully built" gent, so the geometry and tubing choices are super specific (Columbus Pego-Ritchie, for those interested).

    It's designed to take 28mm tyres, although I've run 33mm ones no problem. Even though my life seems to be conspiring to keep me away from them, it's designed for gravel road riding and day touring, which I've been into for as long as I've owned bicycles.

    Wow, what a cool background! The day touring I've been doing with the VMH in the Cascades has been so much fun. Taking it easy, taking time to enjoy the views...making a day of it is so much fun. Impressed it will take 30's.

    The Veloforma, to my surprise, will easily take 28's as well and I've a feeling I could squeeze a 30 in there; I've got some 27mm FMB Paris-Roubaix's stretching in wait for my new wheels from Café Roubaix which I'll take on Keepers Tour. I have to say I'm a convert on the whole wider tire thing.

  • @frank

    @Oli

    @wilburrox

    @Oli

    What is the story with these bikes named Benson? Someone had posted a snapshot of their orange Benson on the bike thread the other day. I've not heard of Benson and a google search across the inter webs doesn't give me any clue. Dang, red is a great color for a bike. If I didn't like black so much I'd have a garage full of red bikes. Black with a little red? maybe perfect. Cheers

    There aren't many Bensons about, I'm part of a lucky select few. They are built by the wonderful guru David Benson here in New Zealand. DB has a full time job (working for the local Campagnolo importer) so the frame building is very much a part-time labour of love thing for friends, although he's been building on and off since the early 90s.

    I was lucky enough to get one thanks to a syndicate of dear, dear friends who got together and commissioned (and paid!) David to build it for me - it's truly custom in that DB has actually known me for years, he knows my riding preferences and he knows I'm an, er, "powerfully built" gent, so the geometry and tubing choices are super specific (Columbus Pego-Ritchie, for those interested).

    It's designed to take 28mm tyres, although I've run 33mm ones no problem. Even though my life seems to be conspiring to keep me away from them, it's designed for gravel road riding and day touring, which I've been into for as long as I've owned bicycles.

    Wow, what a cool background! The day touring I've been doing with the VMH in the Cascades has been so much fun. Taking it easy, taking time to enjoy the views...making a day of it is so much fun. Impressed it will take 30's.

    The Veloforma, to my surprise, will easily take 28's as well and I've a feeling I could squeeze a 30 in there; I've got some 27mm FMB Paris-Roubaix's stretching in wait for my new wheels from Café Roubaix which I'll take on Keepers Tour. I have to say I'm a convert on the whole wider tire thing.

    The V-Bike will take a 32 and mine will be making a guest appearance on the cobbles with whatever the widest tubeless road tyres are. Because I'm driving I'll take the Ridley for the smoother stuff.

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