Going against the grain is something I think I’ve been doing with some degree of success for a good portion of my existence. A lot of people look at my life with a kind of disdain, mixed with a hint of envy and a dash of bemusement; how could I not have a wife/kids/mortgage and get to ride my bike whenever I want, and get paid to do it? Why am I the one flying around the world while they have to perform a daily drill that not-so-remotely mimics that of Winston Smith?

For one who has made a life of not conforming as much as the Illuminati would decree, and who was seen as a serial non-conformist, being a conspirator of a cult-like group based on a set of tenets and with a name that mirrors that of an elite ruling class seems almost bizzare. “Rules are meant to be broken” was a mantra of my youth which now is the antithesis of what I espouse here. And being that guy, means that one or two of the very creeds I’ve coined are routinely broken. And if you think others don’t pick up on that and call me out for it, you’d be well mistaken.

My usual response to such examples is “I make the Rules, I can break them”. Sounds a little authoritarian, I know, but it also demonstrates that I, and you, can do whatever the fuck we want. Listening and learning and drawing inspiration is fine, and recommended, but blindly doing as you’re told (especially by those in extreme positions of power and through mediums we use every day) equates to nothing more than rolling over while you’re being repeatedly poked with a sharp stick and asking “please can I have some more”.

In some cases, there are caveats and post-scripts to virtually every Rule written, and circumstances are varied enough to warrant them. Which is why I’m running a frame pump on the $5 MBK that my father procured recently. A classic bike from the 80s that bears little resemblance to a modern bike (ie it looks way cooler), with components that definitely speak of the era from which they are borne. We weren’t rocking C02 or mini-pumps back then, and we didn’t piss around when it came to road-side inflation. In fact, I was rocking the frame pump until the early 2000s, when my frame tubes were still straight enough to accomodate the long pump without a bowed gap between alloy and plastic. It was the advent of carbon that killed the aesthetic, and then the application, and finally the whole concept.

On this bike though, it’s almost as if it’s mandatory. It looks right, and goddamn if using it isn’t the most liberating experience in my recent Cycling history. What a pleasure to feel significant gulps of air being moved into the tube with long, satisfying strokes, the positive resistance at the bottom of each stroke as the spring gives way to the rubber bumper, the way your whole hand can wrap around the grip and you don’t look like you’re stabbing your other hand with a toy knife. It makes fixing a flat an almost enjoyable, curse-free and, most importantly, brief experience.

It reminds you that in many cases, the past had it right and while we think that everything now has to be smaller and lighter and gives the impression of enhancing our lives, sometimes the tried and true is exactly that.

Brett

Don't blame me

View Comments

  • @KogaLover

    @Teleguy57 “I leave it on there so I don’t forget it.”

    I keep all my Rule #83 stuff in a small bag together: toolkit, inner tubes, patches, minipump, quick link etc. I only need to think about this bag, nothing more.

    @KogaLover, I'm not seeing where I said that (although the fact that I may have and don't recall lend credibility to the language).  For me it's the right place to have a real and reliable inflation device that actually works when I need it -- or when others need it (I've played Good Samaritan a number of times when our riding solo and coming across a hapless person unequipped to deal with their flats.)  I've had mixed experience at best with CO2.

    .  And I do have a wonderful Waterfield Cycling Ride Pouch with all sans pump/C02, including phone, which slips perfectly and unobstrusively in my back center pocket on every ride.  Gotta love a company that quotes Rule #31 in their product description!

    @Rob

    What a pleasure to feel significant gulps of air being moved into the tube with long, satisfying strokes, the positive resistance at the bottom of each stroke as the spring gives way to the rubber bumper, the way your whole hand can wrap around the grip and you don’t look like you’re stabbing your other hand with a toy knife. It makes fixing a flat an almost enjoyable, curse-free and, most importantly, brief experience.

    THIS!

    Also you do not look like a monkey masterbating when you use those abismal mini pumps, just saying.

    God I miss Silicas…

    Amen brothers.  Anyone actually ever pump up a tire using aforementioned abismal pump???

  • I wear a cycling cap sometimes even when I'm not riding . . .

    ok, there, i said it . . .

  • @teleguy57

    Also you do not look like a monkey masterbating when you use those abismal mini pumps, just saying.

    God I miss Silicas…

    Amen brothers.  Anyone actually ever pump up a tire using aforementioned abismal pump???

    I once effected a very rapid mid-race tube swap and inflation using one of these.

  • @Krames

    I incidentally wore my cap this morning with my office suit on. I had washed it and did not want to forget to put it back where it belongs, close to the bikes, in the garage. Although my VMW has no idea about The Rules, she told me not to wear it. Now I know she was right.

  • @RobSandy

    @teleguy57

    Also you do not look like a monkey masterbating when you use those abismal mini pumps, just saying.

    God I miss Silicas…

    Amen brothers.  Anyone actually ever pump up a tire using aforementioned abismal pump???

    I once effected a very rapid mid-race tube swap and inflation using one of these.

    Glad to hear it!  There are probably a few quality mini pumps out there, but I haven't found one yet for me.  I'm a tubular guy 98% of the time, so for me it's a tire swap -- although I've also had success with sealant post-puncture and have been considering pre-emptive sealant in non-latex tubed tires.

  • @KogaLover

    @teleguy57

    Apologies for misquoting you. It was @Phillip Mercer who said so, but you replied to his post. Nice pouch!

    No worries, we're all mates here.  Although pricey, for me it's worth in.  Tried the Rapha one, but it was a bit small.  This is fairly hefty in weight (durable leather) but is still snuggles nicely against my back and I'm not aware that I have it in the pocket until I reach back and feel it.

  • @the Engine

    First there was @frank‘s sock cuff/booty overlap and now there’s @brett sporting a frame pump. Mark my words, we’ll be nailing posters to the lbs door and having to go on a diet of worms if this carries on.

    Don't forget that Frank told us he's pretty sure he's good at dressing himself and now Brett is telling us he knows he's going against the grain properly. Worms it is! Fuckin' worms.

    I have nothing against frame pumps, but I hate mounting them under the TT. Invariably I need to pick the bike up at some point and it's in the way. Bugger.

  • @brett

    @pistard

    The frame pump came about mainly because I’m in Aussie, didn’t bring any spares, and this is what’s here… and yeah, it looks like it got painted somewhere along the line. I’m searching for a Silca as we speak… maybe run one on the Jaegher! (Ducks for cover.)

    I think the B screw could do with an adjust, but it probably won’t get it this trip. When the bike is in Welly in the future, it’ll get a 39t ring (42 now) and a 12-27 cassette (11-21 now). Thank god it’s flat as fuck around here.

    @KogaLover

    I’m not suggesting anything. Just doing what I’m doing, working with what I’ve got, and I’m kinda liking it… back to the old school is a pretty sweet trip.

    @Uncle V

    Took her out today for a easy 40 or 50km, seatpost is too short for proper extension, the brakes need an invite before they turn up, the saddle was a bit heinous, but boy does that frame ride nice. And downtube shifters are rad, they made me feel like the Prophet, Kelly, LeMond rolled into one.

    @piwakawaka

    yep.

    @EBruner

    I’ll just repost this because it’s SO FUCKING SWEET!

    (Needs a frame pump though)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         Indeed it is

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