Categories: Defining MomentsLa Vie VelominatusLook ProNostalgia

On Rule #93: The Throw Down

The way down should hurt as much or more than the way up. Photo: Jared Gruber

The human mind is designed to forget how much things suck. That is a fact. If women had the capacity to retain meaningful data on how horrible things can be, there would be exactly zero families on the planet with more than one child. This has nothing to do with how wonderful children are; it has to do with how birthing a child is the most painful thing one can do in this life and live to tell the tale. Or so I’m told. But women happily bear a second or even a third child; with each labor a fresh-faced surprise at how much the birthing process blows on a visceral level.

On the other hand, we are very good at remembering how great things can be. Like sex. Which is an ironic counterpoint to the above paragraph. I swear I didn’t plan that. (I don’t “plan” any of my writing. I do this for fun.)

I ostensibly observe at this stage in the article-writing-process that maybe I should start planning some of my writing. Because this is going nowhere.

I am vocally quiet about my uneasiness with Strava from the perspective that it causes us to focus on doing good times on segments of our rides which is in conflict with the discipline required to Train Properly. That said, Strava can be a lot of fun in the sense that it provides a kind of passive-active competitive nature to Cycling. To that point, I have been riding with the group out of Hedrick Cycles in Greenwood, Seattle recently; the owner, Carson, is on a rampage to collect the KOM‘s on the local circuits.

KOM is an oxymoron because none of these targets are climbs; he is chasing after the descents.

Seattle has a lot of good descents hidden around, even within the metropolitan area. Mostly because it is a very hilly area to the extent that I can’t find a satisfactory “flat” route to spin on for a recovery day. Which means I’ve learned to “recover” on climbs. Which feels a little bit like bragging. You’re welcome.

As a non-GPS-using rider, I have been very happy to help Carson in his endeavor to bag some tags on the local descents as lead-out monkey and I have to admit it is one hell of a cortisol fix. The descents aren’t even about the KOM anymore, the whole group just attacks one another over and over again all the way down the descent until we reach a stalemate and we start to work together, burning ourselves out and rolling off the front like a worn-out banana peel.

Based on the opening paragraph of this article, I understand that the following claim is unprovable: these descents have put me further into the hurt locker than many climbs I’ve done, barring Haleakala.

Which brings to bear an important reminder: descents are not for recovery. They should hurt every bit as much as the climb, if not more. And if you misjudge a corner, it will hurt a lot more than the climb, possibly for a bit of a while because road rash sucks.

Ride hard on the way up; ride harder over the top, and ride like you stole something on the way down. That is all.

Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

ChrisO says:

Jun 7 2016 at 9:55 pm

The right-left thing is something I'm truly agnostic about.

I know my TCR is done the European way and I know my Roberts is done the English way but...

1. I couldn't tell you which was which way around and:

2. I ride them interchangeably and have never had a problem jamming on the wrong brake.

It's like changing between driving on the left and right, which I have done quite frequently over the last few years. If you have to think too much about it you've got problems.

Oh and @Frank, my wife also agrees that childbirth is not the worst thing ever because the pain isn't constant - it comes in waves so you know it will end. She's had three without anything more than gas and air and I wouldn't say she has an exceptional pain threshold so I'll take her word for it.
KogaLover says:

Jun 7 2016 at 11:28 pm

@Oli

There was some nebulous justification in that one was supposed to have the strong hand on the rear and the weaker on the front to help prevent over-the-bars accidents in sudden stops, but with the brakes of the day I think this would have been hard to do anyway

That's what I thought too. But also saw somewhere on a GCN video on how to descend like a pro, that you need to brake harder on the front tire, which would negate the above. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4oLaSA3Bs0M

Until recently, I did not even know they were wired the other way for the Brits. Scottish coworker told me, he bought a bike in Switzerland but had them rewired.
RobSandy says:

Jun 8 2016 at 12:17 am

@bea

One day I’ll remember not to drink coffee while read here… Coffee everywhere… Again…

PS I disagree about giving birth being the most painful thing one can do in this live. But I guess that just proves your point…

my wife says that sciatica was worse than giving birth. I'm not going to dispute, not experienced either.
chris says:

Jun 8 2016 at 2:51 am

@ChrisO

The right-left thing is something I’m truly agnostic about.

I know my TCR is done the European way and I know my Roberts is done the English way but…

1. I couldn’t tell you which was which way around and:

2. I ride them interchangeably and have never had a problem jamming on the wrong brake.

It’s like changing between driving on the left and right, which I have done quite frequently over the last few years. If you have to think too much about it you’ve got problems.

Oh and @Frank, my wife also agrees that childbirth is not the worst thing ever because the pain isn’t constant – it comes in waves so you know it will end. She’s had three without anything more than gas and air and I wouldn’t say she has an exceptional pain threshold so I’ll take her word for it.

I'm also agnostic/ambidextrous. The first time I re-cabled my CAAD8 I realised that I'd get a neater run from the shifter to the front brake if I went Euro. My Supersix hasn't needed re-cabling yet and I'm slightly scared of the internal cable run to the rear brake (does it have an internal conduit to take the cable through the frame or do I have to thread it through myself?) so it's still English (which way do the various sheep shagging celtic nations cable their bikes?).

I don't think about it when I swap from one bike to the other and it's never caused me a problem. That said it's pretty flat round here so there's rarely any truly hard braking.

As for driving in Europe, I usually manage one "daddy you're on the wrong side of the road!!" incident per holiday.
VbyV says:

Jun 8 2016 at 3:33 am

I have a Strava philosophy question. I often see segments on Strava with about 10 guys having almost identical times as the KOM. After this group, the data show a sudden,significant dropoff in time, a drop of 10% or so. I have personally scored a KOM during a group ride by coming through the group and pulling to the end of the segment just because the timing of the paceline worked out that way. This begs the question as to whether a KOM is legitimate when one gets a leadout, from a group or otherwise. It seems like bullshit to say "I am the King" when without the group you couldn't possibly have done that time for that segment. What do you gents think?
RobSandy says:

Jun 8 2016 at 3:37 am

@VbyV

I have a Strava philosophy question. I often see segments on Strava with about 10 guys having almost identical times as the KOM. After this group, the data show a sudden,significant dropoff in time, a drop of 10% or so. I have personally scored a KOM during a group ride by coming through the group and pulling to the end of the segment just because the timing of the paceline worked out that way. This begs the question as to whether a KOM is legitimate when one gets a leadout, from a group or otherwise. It seems like bullshit to say “I am the King” when without the group you couldn’t possibly have done that time for that segment. What do you gents think?

There's one local segment where I have a KOM, and the 2nd to 10th (ish) placed riders all have near identical times and all on the same day, i.e. a group chaingang on the same segment.

Pride.
RobSandy says:

Jun 8 2016 at 3:37 am

@chris

(which way do the various sheep shagging celtic nations cable their bikes?).

We don't use brakes...
VbyV says:

Jun 8 2016 at 3:58 am

@RobSandy

@RobSandy

@VbyV

I have a Strava philosophy question. I often see segments on Strava with about 10 guys having almost identical times as the KOM. After this group, the data show a sudden,significant dropoff in time, a drop of 10% or so. I have personally scored a KOM during a group ride by coming through the group and pulling to the end of the segment just because the timing of the paceline worked out that way. This begs the question as to whether a KOM is legitimate when one gets a leadout, from a group or otherwise. It seems like bullshit to say “I am the King” when without the group you couldn’t possibly have done that time for that segment. What do you gents think?

There’s one local segment where I have a KOM, and the 2nd to 10th (ish) placed riders all have near identical times and all on the same day, i.e. a group chaingang on the same segment.

Pride.

Nice. A solo KOM on a flattish segment. If you rode it on a normal non-TT road rig, even more kudos. Seems like cheating to take a KOM on a TT bike.
RobSandy says:

Jun 8 2016 at 4:11 am

@VbyV

Nice. A solo KOM on a flattish segment. If you rode it on a normal non-TT road rig, even more kudos. Seems like cheating to take a KOM on a TT bike.

I must be honest, I was riding it on aerobars as TT training.

But it wasn't flat - it includes a draggy hill.

But you've shown a very good point about Strava KOM's - you need to know how they were ridden. It's why you can only really use Strava to compare yourself to...yourself.
chris says:

Jun 8 2016 at 4:16 am

@RobSandy

@VbyV

I have a Strava philosophy question. I often see segments on Strava with about 10 guys having almost identical times as the KOM. After this group, the data show a sudden,significant dropoff in time, a drop of 10% or so. I have personally scored a KOM during a group ride by coming through the group and pulling to the end of the segment just because the timing of the paceline worked out that way. This begs the question as to whether a KOM is legitimate when one gets a leadout, from a group or otherwise. It seems like bullshit to say “I am the King” when without the group you couldn’t possibly have done that time for that segment. What do you gents think?

There’s one local segment where I have a KOM, and the 2nd to 10th (ish) placed riders all have near identical times and all on the same day, i.e. a group chaingang on the same segment.

Pride.

I've only got a couple of KOMs but having the velominipper on this one is a source of pride. The fact that he's not that much slower than me at 13 is a source of worry.