Categories: Defining MomentsLa Vie VelominatusLook ProNostalgia

On Rule #93: The Throw Down

The way down should hurt as much or more than the way up. Photo: Jared Gruber

The human mind is designed to forget how much things suck. That is a fact. If women had the capacity to retain meaningful data on how horrible things can be, there would be exactly zero families on the planet with more than one child. This has nothing to do with how wonderful children are; it has to do with how birthing a child is the most painful thing one can do in this life and live to tell the tale. Or so I’m told. But women happily bear a second or even a third child; with each labor a fresh-faced surprise at how much the birthing process blows on a visceral level.

On the other hand, we are very good at remembering how great things can be. Like sex. Which is an ironic counterpoint to the above paragraph. I swear I didn’t plan that. (I don’t “plan” any of my writing. I do this for fun.)

I ostensibly observe at this stage in the article-writing-process that maybe I should start planning some of my writing. Because this is going nowhere.

I am vocally quiet about my uneasiness with Strava from the perspective that it causes us to focus on doing good times on segments of our rides which is in conflict with the discipline required to Train Properly. That said, Strava can be a lot of fun in the sense that it provides a kind of passive-active competitive nature to Cycling. To that point, I have been riding with the group out of Hedrick Cycles in Greenwood, Seattle recently; the owner, Carson, is on a rampage to collect the KOM‘s on the local circuits.

KOM is an oxymoron because none of these targets are climbs; he is chasing after the descents.

Seattle has a lot of good descents hidden around, even within the metropolitan area. Mostly because it is a very hilly area to the extent that I can’t find a satisfactory “flat” route to spin on for a recovery day. Which means I’ve learned to “recover” on climbs. Which feels a little bit like bragging. You’re welcome.

As a non-GPS-using rider, I have been very happy to help Carson in his endeavor to bag some tags on the local descents as lead-out monkey and I have to admit it is one hell of a cortisol fix. The descents aren’t even about the KOM anymore, the whole group just attacks one another over and over again all the way down the descent until we reach a stalemate and we start to work together, burning ourselves out and rolling off the front like a worn-out banana peel.

Based on the opening paragraph of this article, I understand that the following claim is unprovable: these descents have put me further into the hurt locker than many climbs I’ve done, barring Haleakala.

Which brings to bear an important reminder: descents are not for recovery. They should hurt every bit as much as the climb, if not more. And if you misjudge a corner, it will hurt a lot more than the climb, possibly for a bit of a while because road rash sucks.

Ride hard on the way up; ride harder over the top, and ride like you stole something on the way down. That is all.

Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Randy C says:

Jun 8 2016 at 4:16 am

@VbyV

I have a Strava philosophy question. I often see segments on Strava with about 10 guys having almost identical times as the KOM. After this group, the data show a sudden,significant dropoff in time, a drop of 10% or so. I have personally scored a KOM during a group ride by coming through the group and pulling to the end of the segment just because the timing of the paceline worked out that way. This begs the question as to whether a KOM is legitimate when one gets a leadout, from a group or otherwise. It seems like bullshit to say “I am the King” when without the group you couldn’t possibly have done that time for that segment. What do you gents think?

You follow the pro riders posting their races on Strava? They knock off KOMs all the time. Is it appropriate for group riders to not post their rides for fear of knocking off a KOM? Or should Strava have logic to discern the difference? Anyways, we have a pile of local segment KOMs set by group rides. It just happens. And they're fun to do too. We also have local individuals that specifically target segments and get 'em on their own. Very strong riders. Those are very cool KOMs to set. And I've gone out and blown away, pardon the pun, segments when I had advantage of a particularly strong tail wind and once knocking off a KOM that had been set for years by a group in local race. Why not? It was fun. At end of day, it's all part of the Strava nonsense.
Teocalli says:

Jun 8 2016 at 4:21 am

@RobSandy

@chris

(which way do the various sheep shagging celtic nations cable their bikes?).

We don’t use brakes…

Sheep make for a soft landing.
Randy C says:

Jun 8 2016 at 4:33 am

@chris

My 12 yr old daughter is starting to pick off the local QOMs on climbs. How about being the lady on the receiving end of that "uhhh oh" e-mail and see that a 12 yr old hit it? She maybe weighs 45 kilos with 35 being long legs and 5 being lungs. And she loves to ride a bike fast up a hill. She'll soon be faster than me as sure as the sun's gonna rise in the east every day. I don't mind at all. This was her last year attacking the last 25m of our local club 2km up hill TT. Climbing in the drops. Very cool. Tonight is our first TT of 2016 at this climb. Cheers
VbyV says:

Jun 8 2016 at 4:36 am

@Randy C

@VbyV

I have a Strava philosophy question. I often see segments on Strava with about 10 guys having almost identical times as the KOM. After this group, the data show a sudden,significant dropoff in time, a drop of 10% or so. I have personally scored a KOM during a group ride by coming through the group and pulling to the end of the segment just because the timing of the paceline worked out that way. This begs the question as to whether a KOM is legitimate when one gets a leadout, from a group or otherwise. It seems like bullshit to say “I am the King” when without the group you couldn’t possibly have done that time for that segment. What do you gents think?

You follow the pro riders posting their races on Strava? They knock off KOMs all the time. Is it appropriate for group riders to not post their rides for fear of knocking off a KOM? Or should Strava have logic to discern the difference? Anyways, we have a pile of local segment KOMs set by group rides. It just happens. And they’re fun to do too. We also have local individuals that specifically target segments and get ’em on their own. Very strong riders. Those are very cool KOMs to set. And I’ve gone out and blown away, pardon the pun, segments when I had advantage of a particularly strong tail wind and once knocking off a KOM that had been set for years by a group in local race. Why not? It was fun. At end of day, it’s all part of the Strava nonsense.

Randy,

I agree Strava is fun, and I record every ride. I was just trying to put some perspective on the KOM thing, the fact that there are different circumstances of rides, like tailwind, group, leadout, etc. As Rob said, you can use it to compare yourself to yourself. Relationships to others' times have many variables.

Starva on, and enjoy!

Tom
RobSandy says:

Jun 8 2016 at 4:48 am

@Randy C

You follow the pro riders posting their races on Strava? They knock off KOMs all the time.

If you live somewhere which has ever hosted a pro race you have zero chance of ever getting near the KOM for the segments they rode. I happen to. Some of the times on descents (going back to the original article, shock horror!) are truly terrifying.

It is nice to get a KOM but I know full well the depth of my ability and so if I've picked one up it probably means that particular road isn't ridden very often. Or it's an odd segment which take in several junctions.

I got one because my GPS malfunctioned once - it was up a steep hill so it was impossible that I'd actually earned it. It bothered me so much that I made the whole ride private to remove the evidence!
Oli says:

Jun 8 2016 at 4:48 am

@KogaLover

It was nebulous back 40 years ago, I meant. That's a great video, but they're actually not saying use the front brake harder, they're saying not to be afraid of it. Big distinction. Anyway, as we all know, different corners require different braking technique. #whateverittakes
RobSandy says:

Jun 8 2016 at 4:49 am

@Teocalli

@RobSandy

@chris

(which way do the various sheep shagging celtic nations cable their bikes?).

We don’t use brakes…

Sheep make for a soft landing.

Especially if you've got one installed on the bike before you crash. Standard practice.
VbyV says:

Jun 8 2016 at 4:53 am

@RobSandy

@Randy C

You follow the pro riders posting their races on Strava? They knock off KOMs all the time.

If you live somewhere which has ever hosted a pro race you have zero chance of ever getting near the KOM for the segments they rode. I happen to. Some of the times on descents (going back to the original article, shock horror!) are truly terrifying.

It is nice to get a KOM but I know full well the depth of my ability and so if I’ve picked one up it probably means that particular road isn’t ridden very often. Or it’s an odd segment which take in several junctions.

I got one because my GPS malfunctioned once – it was up a steep hill so it was impossible that I’d actually earned it. It bothered me so much that I made the whole ride private to remove the evidence!

I remember Ted King had some outrageous KOMs on rides during the Tour of California a few years back. He wrote on some that he doubts they can ever be beaten. They are done on closed roads, where the riders can use both lanes on a descent to improve the line, no worries about getting side-swiped at a red light, no need to slow down for the stop signs, etc. Oh yeah, and a pro peloton driving the pace helps too.
RobSandy says:

Jun 8 2016 at 4:58 am

@VbyV

I remember Ted King had some outrageous KOMs on rides during the Tour of California a few years back. He wrote on some that he doubts they can ever be beaten. They are done on closed roads, where the riders can use both lanes on a descent to improve the line, no worries about getting side-swiped at a red light, no need to slow down for the stop signs, etc. Oh yeah, and a pro peloton driving the pace helps too.

I'm going to post a link to this Strava segment (risky I know), for 2 reasons. Firstly it shows the insane speeds these guys get up to (the top 10 are all from the pro race staged as part of Velothon Wales last year, I think). Average speed of the KOM is over 87kph; my average speed for the same segment is 65 and I was nailing it.

Oh, and the other reason? The segment is called 'I Love Boobies'.

https://www.strava.com/activities/567045806/segments/13747239753
chris says:

Jun 8 2016 at 6:18 am

@Randy C

@chris

My 12 yr old daughter is starting to pick off the local QOMs on climbs. How about being the lady on the receiving end of that “uhhh oh” e-mail and see that a 12 yr old hit it? She maybe weighs 45 kilos with 35 being long legs and 5 being lungs. And she loves to ride a bike fast up a hill. She’ll soon be faster than me as sure as the sun’s gonna rise in the east every day. I don’t mind at all. This was her last year attacking the last 25m of our local club 2km up hill TT. Climbing in the drops. Very cool. Tonight is our first TT of 2016 at this climb. Cheers

Your daughter looks like a natural on a bike, climbing in the drops is the epitome of style. It's very cool when they start riding with the grown ups.

My lad is quite happy in the B group on our Sunday club runs and is only really held back by not really having developed much power yet. It'll come and when it does he'll fly.