I’m proud to declare that I am fluent in three languages: Hyperbole, Dutch, and English. All of them rubbish. The language of the peloton is, by and large, the most beautiful and expressive in French and Italian, which already make anything sound sexy. But they really excel in le langage du peloton: Sur la plaqueLa Volupte, Grinta, La Fringale – each of those smash their English translations with pure linguistic voluptuousness.

The exception is, of course, the term “on the rivet”. Don’t ask my why we all slide forward on our saddles when we’re riding hard, but we all do. Slip your saddle forward a bit to accommodate the forward position, and you’ll still slip forward once you start laying down The Five. It’s one of life’s great mysteries, alongside gravity and how the frosting got inside the twinkies.

Saddles used to have a rivet on the front, to hold the the crotch-numbing slab of leather in place because Cycling saddles at the time were modelled after Western horse saddles. And whenever you were well and truly on your limit, you’d have your rump precariously perched right over that brass nubbin. Hence the term, on the rivet.

To kindly demonstrate the point, no one does “On the Rivet” better than former Manchester DC legend, Pete Five Face Boydell. Even his saddle is having a shit.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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  • @RobSandy

    @Oli

    Hockey? HOCKEY? Get a real (non-cycling) sport – here’s every try the late Jonah Lomu scored in his All Blacks career. RIP.

    This. Poor old Jonah. I actually saw the great man in a car in Cardiff during the World Cup. Legend.

    Wingers just should not be that big. And though he could run people over he was still the master of what my coach called the zook move. You gotta be fast to beat people with a zook. Perfect ex is try at 2:26 with weak side plus play direct from scrumhalf and boom, with one dude to beat, a zook move, and gone. That's very cool, I love Rugby @Oli thanks, cheers

  • @pistard

    @wiscot

    @Matt

    @chris

    Fucking awesome photo @frank.

    I had a look around on googel to see if I could find out a bit more about Mr Boydell, not much going on there (I’ll see if my old sensei Mr Cammish can come up with) but I did find this.

    Despite having the sort of beard usual reserved for religious nutter and sex pests, this chap was obviously capable of laying down so much V that his bars needed reinforcement.

    Another weird single ring subset of British cycling, a hill climber this time not a tester.

    But scope that head tube Lugg!

    I’m sure it’s likely a handmade steel frame. I think the struts are there to provide some kind of stability/security for the stem. The expander bolt can’t be in that headtube by much!

    No socks = mo faster. Fact.

    Mercian Cycles, still in business.

    @Matt

    Lugs look like Nervex Pro.

    Awesome job on id'ing the bike. I couldn't make it out. A Mercian with Nervex lugs? That would be filed under "sweet."

  • @RobSandy

    I’m sorry to have started the Strava debate again. Couldn’t resist. I don’t even have a smartphone! And find Strava very useful for recording training data, and also staying motivated by checking out what my mates have been up to on the bike.

    I use Strava mostly because it automatically records everything I used to have to hand write into a training log way back in the day. I mostly care about how far I ride and my total miles for the year. I worry less about how fast I ride because I know I'm not anymore (and that assumes I once was). I keep tabs on friends in my "peer group," i.e., old guys, and there's always a little friendly competition among us some segments. I only follow people I know and want to follow. If people I don't know want to follow me (I don't know why they would but some do), I'm flattered.

  • @wiscot

    Have to say this, with no disrespect to RobSandy, but if it’s on Strava, I really don’t give a fuck! Strava’s just another enabler of smart phone addiction.

    Addiction is exactly what it is! So weird to me. Was walking the dogs this morning with the VMH and a dude went by...leaves falling, along a stream, fall weather...and he was staring at his palm. Good lord.

  • @chuckp

    Pretty sure this guy is on the rivet.

    Nowadays domestiques have those mesh vests to carry water bottles. Back in the day it was a fucking bucket. Try logging that into yer Strava.

  • @wiscot

    @chuckp

    Pretty sure this guy is on the rivet.

    Nowadays domestiques have those mesh vests to carry water bottles. Back in the day it was a fucking bucket. Try logging that into yer Strava.

    And y0u can put ice in a bucket! Can't do that with a mesh vest.

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