I’m proud to declare that I am fluent in three languages: Hyperbole, Dutch, and English. All of them rubbish. The language of the peloton is, by and large, the most beautiful and expressive in French and Italian, which already make anything sound sexy. But they really excel in le langage du peloton: Sur la plaque, La Volupte, Grinta, La Fringale – each of those smash their English translations with pure linguistic voluptuousness.

The exception is, of course, the term “on the rivet”. Don’t ask my why we all slide forward on our saddles when we’re riding hard, but we all do. Slip your saddle forward a bit to accommodate the forward position, and you’ll still slip forward once you start laying down The Five. It’s one of life’s great mysteries, alongside gravity and how the frosting got inside the twinkies.

Saddles used to have a rivet on the front, to hold the the crotch-numbing slab of leather in place because Cycling saddles at the time were modelled after Western horse saddles. And whenever you were well and truly on your limit, you’d have your rump precariously perched right over that brass nubbin. Hence the term, on the rivet.

To kindly demonstrate the point, no one does “On the Rivet” better than former Manchester DC legend, Pete Five Face Boydell. Even his saddle is having a shit.