The most important moment in a man’s life is the first time they have a beer. I place it on the list above sex and having a child because sex usually only happens as a direct result of drinking beer. As for having children, I’m given to understand they are poop factories at first, then promptly become loud, and then obnoxious before they resent you for the next fifteen years. If my math is right, it isn’t until after about twenty-five years that you can stand them and the investment starts paying off. Given the instant gratification of beer verses the ROI on child rearing, its not even a close. But the real clincher is that men love solving problems and there is no chance of solving problems if you don’t create them first.
As Cyclists, beer also forms an important part of our training regimen; after a day of crushing our opponents and laying down enormous helpings of The V, it is critical that we give our muscles the rest and nutrients they require in order to rebuild and become ever stronger. Required nutrients include things like carbohydrates, sugars, and proteins. As it happens, beer is made of things like – wait for it – carbohydrates, sugars, and proteins. According to alcoholic nutritionists I’ve spoken to as well as some recent studies, beer taken in moderation is the ideal recovery beverage after a hard workout.
But there’s that annoying word again, “moderation” – always with the moderation, these scientists. Apparently, you can’t go and get hammered every time you ride a bike or the alcohol will have other effects like making you fat, stupid, and bloated. Alcohol slows your metabolism and lowers your impulse control, which forms a double-whammy as after you get drunk and stuff your face, your body will have a harder time burning those extra calories.
When I started getting serious about losing weight and improving my climbing (this was immediately after my first ride up Haleakala), I completely ignored the possibility of giving up on booze as I’d much rather starve myself than stop drinking. But the fact is that dieting and training only yielded limited results. When I finally accepted the notion of reducing my alcohol intake, my weight started to drop and my riding immediately improved. The most surprising side effect was how much better my sleeping patterns became which also feeds into post-ride recovery.
I’ll never give up beer completely because I’d hate to be without problems to solve, but for anyone who is struggling to lose weight, take note: diet and exercise are key elements, but you won’t get there without taking a hard look at your alcohol consumption. I’m not suggesting you stop drinking altogether; drink a beer or two after riding to help your recovery, but beyond that alcohol will get in the way of reaching your goals. Unless your goal is to drink more, in which case I remind you that your liver is the only organ that can regenerate itself.
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@frank
Frank, I think that as Velominati, we tend to be a bit committed and obsessive about things. That might explain a bit of the heavy drinking mentioned by some contributors. However, the general tone seems to have been: wild younger days, growing up, developing taste, realizing there are better, more mature things to do.
I have to say, I've been very pleased, nay proud, at the courage shown by some posters to share stories. Now I know that on here, identities and real names can be hidden, but every story carried the weight of honesty and the replies were compassionate and thoughtful. This is what makes this a special community. In most others, quite a few replies would have to be moderated or at the least been childish and disrespectful.
@frank
I would posit that our community here is somewhat unique in being able to self examine and discuss an issue like this in an open and honest fashion. Many other subsets of the general population would not be so reflective and/or forthcoming.
I'm with you Frank on the obsessive personality. I'm either all in or all out - or as has been the case with drinking...I was all in and now I'm all out.
@wisco
yes, I know what you mean. This is actually an old small time belgian team. It has a number of other sponsors on it (mitsubishi heavy trucks, some belge maintenance company, and a few others).
@fignons barber
Yes that's my approach. Increase the quality and decrease the consumption. Applies to beer, wine, food and coffee. I haven't had and instant "coffee" for 30 years.
@wiscot
You've captured my sentiment exactly - very nicely said.
@frank
How the fuck does a good-natured article about beer lead onto some daisy chain of faux-alcoholics making quasi-confessionals whilst giving each other mutual handspanks?
From the sounds of it, you fuckers wouldn't know hard drinking from a hard game of tennis.
"ooh I think I had a problem because I got pissed at a couple of work functions/ had a few bules with the missus/ and made an arse of myself so I have now cut back my drinking." Fuck me, that isnt alcholism, that's called becoming an adult.
Please - to all you young kids out there reading this. Dont listen to these wowsers and make changes to your life that aren't required. You can combine hard cycling and functional alcoholism - just ask Stuey O'Grady.
If you haven't had
And look - this guy just got engaged - to a 21yo porn star no less. See! You can have it all!
@Marcus Alcoholism must pale in to comparison with the issues brought on by your convent upbringing and dirty love for compression socks.
@Marcus
It would also appear that you're drifting off in to some sort of early onset angry old git senility, forgetting what you're saying mid rant.
@Chris
ah yes, I have been racing bikes over many years, yet do one ironman and now I am a dirty triathlete. Reminds me of the story of Henri the Famous French Fighter Pilot.
"I shoot down 12 German planes. Do they call me Henri the Famous French Fighter Pilot. Non. But I suck one cock..."
er yes, i got stopped mid-point (if there was one), then the phone rang, so i pressed the button.
On the subject of the connection between being a Velominatus and being a drinker, perhaps Charles Baudelaire has an apropos observation:
"One should always be drunk. That's all that matters... But with what? With wine, with poetry, or with virtue, as you choose. But get drunk."
The "drunk" I feel after 150 hard kilometers with good friends beats anything from a bottle, (not to say that I don't try to enhance it with something from a bottle).