Reverence: Inhaling a Wasp
I have to admit, until BigRingRiding bestowed upon us the honor of gracing their site with our humble image, I had never heard the term “Inhaling a Wasp” being used as a climbing tactic. My Great Aunt once swallowed a wasp; she was rather portly and since I think the wasp might have been in her cocktail I'm reasonably certain she wasn't riding a bike at the time – to say nothing of climbing. I believe my Great Uncle poured a pint of motor oil down her throat to treat the situation and I'm assuming that he did this as an erstwhile remedy and not out of vindictiveness. I can't imagine it was “pleasant” in the traditional sense of the term, although the family story doesn't detail how it all worked out for her, the oil, or my Great Uncle.
But back to cycling. I think what all of us here at the Velominati like most is The V being dished out using a Big Gulp or bigger container. At the end of the day, there is little less interesting than watching a herd of robots pedal their bikes up a steep hill without the least bit of emotion or effort showing on their faces, but with loads of speed in their legs. Common competitive wisdom is to never let your rivals know you're suffering, but bollocks to that. Whether I'm on the bike or watching a race, nothing beats seeing it all left on the road, with the pain of each magnificent stroke showing on the faces of those doing the dishing.
Inhaling a Wasp is the look a rider has on their face when they've dropped their jaw down like the shovel on a front-loader, scooping up mouthfuls of air in an effort not to quench, but to fuel the fire burning hot in their lungs and legs. Jan Ullrich was the master of this look, and any time I'm engaging in a long climb, steeled against the suffering I know is to come farther up the road, I channel my best Ullrich look and take solace in the notion that despite the squares I'm pedaling, perhaps I might at least look a the slightest bit like Der Kaiser.
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I can’t help but wonder at the odd juxtaposition of your lionising riders like Ullrich and Virenque while constantly demonising Armstrong – the attitudes seem strangely incongruous and quite hypocritical. Is there a reason for this? Cheers, Oli
@Oli Brooke-White
Leaving alone the obvious factors for now, I imagine it is largely because Armstrong is an arrogant cunt.
The rest are seen as more lovable rogues as their personality flaws aren’t ones that make you think, “oh, what a cunt”
As for the obvious factors, well he’s a cunt, isn’t he.
I, unlike others, dislike pretty much anyone from the EPO years other than those who have been widely considered to be clean, so: Lemond, Delion, Boardman and Bassons
I prefer the idea of my jaw having dropped like the shovel of a front-loader, or perhaps likening myself to a Basking Shark
Gesink did a pretty good wasp inhalation this afternoon in holding off the pack in Montreal.
@Oli Brooke-White While Armstrong is undoubtedly an amazing athlete, he essentially epitomizes the “robot” mentality. Hyper-specialization, every calorie counted and analyzed, ruthless focus, and of course, apparently, the best pharma money can buy. It lacks any reference to what has made cycling great during many periods. It’s like taking a corporate approach to cycling on some level: successful, yes, but lacking in spirit.
When I contrast that to how Merckx, Hinault, Kelly, Fignon, raced, there is nothing similar. They were not Tour de France specialists, but complete cyclists. When I contrast it to more modern riders like Pantani and Ullrich, I see more humanity in them. Ullrich struggled in a number of off seasons; Pantani – well, we know that story. Armstrong – like any number of people who are the subject of hero worship – lacks an integrated shadow, and that always gives me cause for concern and distrust.
@Steampunk
Seriously, one of my favorite riders, and what a win!
I love that about cycling; you’re suffering so bad you are contemplating a DNF, and when just give it the berries and win the fucking race.
Massive Respect.
@frank
Absolutely. Was sorry Hesjedal couldn’t pull it out on home turf, but it was a good weekend in Montreal and Quebec City. Lots of good buzz and a number of folks hinting that the Montreal course would make an excellent worlds course. That would be fun and well worth the weekend trip.
First up, let me just tell you all about Oli. He is a denizen of cycling here in Wellington, and in NZ. He is a mechanic par excellence, has wrenched on pro teams here and allover the world, and has a knowledge and passion for cycling that few of us could hold a candle to. Plus he’s one of the nicest guys you’ll ever meet. Read his blog here for an insight.
I can only speak for myself Oli, and my reasons why I don’t like or respect Armstrong. We all know that cycling is a dirty sport, but a beautiful one. Riders like Ullrich presented themselves in a manner that befitted a champion. He never abused, bullied, or belittled other riders like LA did. He never controlled those around him and used them like pawns in a quest for fame and dominance, like LA did. He never tried to silence other riders who spoke out against doping, like LA did. He never bribed the UCI to cover up positive tests. He never defrauded the government to fund his own program of systematic doping. He left the sport when he was caught, and didn’t seek to stay in the spotlight like an egotistical sociopath, like LA.
The thing that really grates me about LA is the fact that he used cancer as a way to cheat his way to 7 Tours that should never have been his. We all know that pre-cancer, LA was not a Tour threat, but a one-day specialist. He used his ‘cancer shield’ to hide behind so he could transform himself from a decent rider into something he never was, a dominant Tour rider. And it’s that he duped millions of people into believing that he was the only clean rider in the peloton, beating a hoard of dopers, that I can’t understand.
There have been so many great champions who have won with class, style, dignity, and LA is not one of them. People say “oh, you have to be arrogant and self-centered to be a champion” in defence of LA, but riders like Lemond, Indurain, Ullrich, Fignon et al prove that that’s not the case.
@Oli Brooke-White
You ask a really valid question, mate, and you’re not the first one to do so. @Jarvis and @KitCarson both go a long way to describing the essence of why we might dislike Pharmstrong but love someone like Ullrich. Not all of us feel this way, I might add, and those discussions fuel many a great discussion here – Cavendouche, Pharstrong, those are just some of the riders we argue over in these pages.
I think “doping” is really just a dimension in why we do or don’t like a rider. I think I speak for the entire community when I say that we hope and wish for a clean sport, and that that is the really something worth striving for and to fight for. That said, it is absolutely undeniable that doping has been (and is) – to varying degrees – a part of our sport’s history. To say we should cast all riders who are dopers or suspected dopers into the same box would eliminate virtually every rider we’ve loved and followed in the past 20 years of this sport. If not more.
There are many factors that go into why we do or don’t support any particular rider. The magnificence of their stroke, how many months from peaking they perpetually seem to be, their personality on and off the bike. But this is a sport and we are fans. The choices to support one rider over an other is not the result of an algorithm that stoically processes each variable, applies various weights to them and produces a result that rationally and objectively tells us which athletes are worthy of supporting and which are not. No, these are subjective decisions based more on emotion than fact.
We make the same subjective decisions in supporting riders that we do in every day life. There are several very good people I know with whom I cannot imagine becoming friends. On the other hand, some of my closest friends have personalities with strengths and weaknesses. My choice whether to be friends with someone probably has more to do with a subjective process than it does with a logical one.
So then we come back to cycling and, in this case, Armstrong and Ullrich. I don’t love Ullrich or Pantani because the used drugs. Neither do I love them in spite of it. (I remind you that in spite of the circumstantial evidence and stories, neither tested positive and neither personally admitted to doing so – the same goes for Armstrong.)
What it comes down to is a subjective process of weighing the good against the bad. Part of it is arrogance and condescension. Armstrong was a bully who punished anyone who didn’t play along. Remember Simeoni? Filippo may have been a doper, but he was targeted and punished by Armstrong for speaking out against him. That behavior is what we talk about when we say call someone a COTHO.
He was also a robot, as @KitCarson says. There was no emotion or excitement to his style of racing. Sure, it was admirable in it’s precision, but it didn’t give us much excitement as fans. (I also wasn’t a fan of Indurain, by the way, and wouldn’t have been a fan of Master Jacques for the same reason.)
Ullrich, Pantani, Les Freres Grimpeur, Boonen, Gilbert – these are riders who have emotion in their riding. These are guys who are amazing when they’re great, and crap when they’re not. You never know which one you’re going to get. It’s exciting, and I love them for it, despite the heartbreak they give me when they’re bad.
But how can I a blind eye to doping, when I’ve said that I prefer a clean sport? You can’t dope for Rule #5. Doped or not, the riders who offer the most exciting racing are the ones willing to take chances at the front, to risk everything on a full-out effort.
I was a big fan of Pre-Cancer Armstrong. He was a young fucking prick like Cav, but I was a youngster, too, and admired his brashness. There was emotion to the whole lot, and I loved it. He took chances, and he lost. But he also won when he was on.
Cav is a little prick, and I hate his attitude and lack of respect for the sport. Maybe if I was less old, I’d like him, but I think he’s a massive tool. Besides, I find sprints the least exciting finishes of any race, except when my hometown hero Farrar takes the win.
Well, I suppose that’s enough of a screenful to start explaining why I support Ulli but not Pharmstrong. To sum it up, it’s subjective, like everything else in life. It has less to do with doping and more with the personalities and humanism the riders display.
There are paradoxes and conflicts in all of it, but that’s the beauty of life. Even The Rules are full of paradox and conflict; it’s up to each of us to reconcile them and come up with our way of making a balance out of it.
After all, we’re doing this because we love it. After that, the reasons why are less important, aren’t they?
@Brett
Well put, my friend – always good at boiling it down.
@Oli Brooke-White
Brett has mentioned you in the past; it’s great to have you here. Keep the comments coming.
Absolutely! I was there – awesome race
@Brett Well put, and much better than my effort…
@frank
still think you’re off the mark with Cavendish. Unlike Armstrong who stated at 21 that he didn’t care for the history of the sport and for anyone’s reputation, Cavendish knows and respects the sport. Why do you think Milan San Remo mattered so much, the same will go for any of the monuments he thinks he might be able to win one day, Flanders, Roubaix and that’s why he wants to win the Worlds. I thik it’s also a massive part of why he so far hasn’t wanted to win the Green Jersey at the Tour by winning intermediate sprints, he’d rather the purity of winning by winning stages…it’s almost aesthetic. Anyway, I would have thought you’d like his attitude: heart-on-sleeve tell-it-as-it-is approach. Or is it just because he beats your hometown boy all the time?
Nice article Frank.
PS I have never felt anything for Armstrong either I must admit; Ullrich oozed class on a bike and showed respect for others and historical events. It is indeed subjective but I found I liked this blog page a lot, then discovered many felt the same I did about the big names in cycling… There must be something.
@Jarvis
Ha-ha.
No, I don’t like Cav because he has no humility. I’m not sure how you can argue he has respect for the sport when he spits on other riders after causing crashes, and spits on the ground in front of fans who ask him questions he doesn’t like.
Having respect for races like MSR or Paris-Tours is not to be confused with respecting the sport; respecting the sport means you have a reverence for the history and culture of the event, and at the very least your colleagues.
Add to that the fact that his sprints are mechanical and predictable, and there’s little left to enjoy, little reason to get excited about bunch sprints. You see HTC start to wind it up in the last KM and you might as well switch off the tele.
As much as I liked Cipo, the automation of the leadout train has really done damage to the excitement of the bunch gallops, much like Armstrong’s GT approach was uninteresting either. I can appreciate the challenge in executing a plan like that, but what we see as fans leaves quite a bit to be desired. What we’re seeing at the Vuelta is much better, however, and much more exciting and that’s worth something.
For me, I became a serious “roadie” (as opposed to a cyclist – there IS a difference) a couple of years ago – it’s taken me 25 years to “get serious”. Since then I’ve stumbled around trying to find my “place” in the world of cycling, I’ve even been given my own personal CotHO to deal with. This person is the same sort of “robot” described above. He lives solely for “training” and “results”. He has no life other than training. He doesn’t seem very happy either. While part of me wants to do whatever it takes to grind him into dust I’ve discovered that I reap no enjoyment from this sort of “take no prisoners”, robotic riding. Two weeks ago Frank tore everyone a new one about heart rate monitors and I went home took my HRM off of my bike and then “swallowed a wasp” and knocked a full minute off of my previous personal best up our local big climb.
Passion is what sets apart the Velominati from the robots. Passion used to build our bikes and painstakingly file the lugs and hand paint the little details – now robots build our bikes. Passion meant riding and training just so you could be on the bike. Now robots are on the bike for a prescribed amount of time and effort. This past Saturday I was doing an 80km leg of a 330km race and found myself in a group of riders that were doing the entire 330 kilometers. I was fresh and these guys were hurting and I was getting off the bike in 30 clicks so I went to the front and pulled these guys for kilometers on end. Working for the good of a bunch of guys I didn’t know from Adam was very satisfying – especially when it came time to part ways and to a man I received a hearty “That was awesome dude, thanks!” That’s what it’s all about – passion, fun, and not being a dickhead.
Could someone enlighten me on the mood surrounding Merckx at the TdF in 1973? After four wins they asked him not to start, but he won the Vuelta and the Giro that year anyway.
Did they think he was this kind of unstoppable robot who could win every year as long as they would let him? (thus taking the unpredictability and emotion from the sport?) Or was it just the French fans who didn’t want their man Anquetil to be dethroned?
@Cyclops
Cyclops. That is awesome work on your ride and I think i appreciate it almost as much as the guys you were dragging along.
I’ve misplaced my bike computer somewhere – I spent about 6 seconds looking for it but Frank’s right on this. If i ever find it, it’s going straight on ebay. Gadgets detract from the purity bigtime and since few / none? of us are racing at a top level there’s no excuse. I have passed through a phase where I thought that you can never have enough stats – but i think I’d only enjoy seeing the stats after a ride.
Comments please: what do people think about the use of a bike computer if you’re trying to push a particular goal? Suppose you’re going for your own personal hour record?
Actually how sweet would it be to get some personal challenges going on here?
@frank
“Maybe if I was less old…” 34, you gotta be kidding me. What is the average age of the Velominati? I just hit 39 for christ’s sake.
You still have time to follow the dream, find a sympathetic doctor to aid your quest, and dish out some serious pain to the peloton! Get moving!
Judy Blume beat you to this post about twenty years ago with her book Fudge-a-Mania. Although the club had a different insect inhaled, they still had a club name for it. ISAF – I swallowed a Fly Club.
“Bicycle Bob – Bicycle repair salesman who acts as mentor to the children. When Peter accidentally swallows a fly, Bicycle Bob welcomes him to the ISAF club (I Swallowed a Fly) and recommends vanilla ice cream. According to Judy Blume, he is a real person.”
@pakrat
I just guessed at it, but I’m not sure of the precise ages of some of us; I think our average is around 40 or so. Maybe a bit more. I may have misjudged Brett’s age; not sure if he’s a shriveled fuck because he’s old or because he’s spent a lot of time in the Aussie sun.
@frank
re Cav: the spitting issue is bad, but (and I’m trying not to be (partisan) those reports, or at least the Haussler one, were tenuous to say the least. There was never any consistent source of those claims as far as I’m aware.
I *think* the lead-out train started back in the mid-to-late 80’s with Superconfex (but now I’m having doubts and think Panasonic might have done it first) when Jean-Paul Van Poppel rode for them. But the one thing that most people seem to have forgotten is that Cav’s early victories were done without a lead-out and he’s shown he can still do the same, look at the Champs Elysees this year. And as Geoffrey Grosenbach points out, wasn’t Merckx the same?
@Jarvis
Oh, for sure, Cav has done with/without the lead-out trains; I”m not saying that I don’t like him for his train – I don’t like him because he’s such a dipshit. I find bunch gallops rather boring for the leadout trains – Cav’s is good now, but Fasso before, and Saeco before that. The only time I liked it was Cipo’s zebra train in 2002…there was something about watching a pack of zebras lead out the Lion that tickled my fancy every time.
@Geoffrey Grosenbach
I think Merckx was considered a robot. When Anq was on form, he was a robot, too, but his form fluctuated wildly, so he was harder to predict that way.
As for Merckx, I am fairly certain he was very strongly discouraged from taking the start exactly for the reason you describe; Merckx was too dominant and they wanted to allow another rider the chance to shake it up and make the race more exciting. Merckx’s team controlled the races with an iron fist, and when the road pointed uphill, Merckx went to the front, but it in the big ring, and just mashed away until he was alone.
I’m not sure I’ve ever committed this opinion to page, but I think if I had been watching the racing at the time he was riding, I wouldn’t have been a fan of his; I would have cheered for De Vlaeminck, or for Gimondi, I think.
That aside, he was pretty incredible from a record standpoint, and the man had loads of class. He is the prophet, Obey the Rules.
@frank
now, you know I’m not a massive Ullrich fan, but this is more important than anyone’s loyalties, what was going on with his shoes? He never had a decent pair, look at what he’s wearing in the main picture…I only seem to remember him have some scruffy abomination of an Adidas/Time bastardisation with no name on.
@Jarvis
Good question. Indeed, his shoes left something to be desired. That said, in 2003 he wore a pair of DMT’s with three velcro straps that were the epitome of class:
Ah, now that is something I missed and it now looks like the ones I remember were proto DMT’s.
Think he might have needed a fourth strap on those just to keep the bulk in #chubster
Cav’s a knob. Sticking your fingers up while crossing the line and then mumbling some preposterous story about Agincourt and the English longbowmen just makes him look like a looby whose PR team have their hands rammed up his arse, somehow reaching all the way to his larynx. It’s not just the spitting, it’s his overall knobbity and cuntitude.
That said, the way he ripped the legs off the race on the Champs Elysee this year was one of the coolest things in sport. I reckon it had a bit to do with novelty of the side view camera on rails, but holy crap! That was special.
In a much smaller context than the Gesink display, Cameron Meyer inhaled a few wasps today at the Tour of Britain. He was solo for 30-odd of the final 40km, then stuck with the Tony Martin train leading to the Constitution Hill climb in Swansea (which is cobbled, and allegedly hits 30% at times). Chapeaux. The race has actually had some surprisingly good racing this year too.
Re. Armstrong, robots, and the like, an interesting piece on Michael Barry’s blog. (He has good stuff there, and I’ve always thought him an articulate and thoughtful rider/writer.
Toward the end, he comments:
I’m not a newfound Lance fan, but I made a similar kind of comment about his performance on the cobbles in the VSP thread during the TdF, and while Barry is a former teammate, I think there’s something to this. If anything, I think Lance ended his career on better terms (for himself, anyway) than if he had walked away last year.
@Hawkeye
Consti Hill isn’t 30%, it’s rumoured to have a very short section of 25%, but I think is in the main 20%. I used to live on about 20m along one of the roads off it and the turn into my road was probably 25%. Didn’t have a road bike in those days though, but did singlespeed it in 32×16. You can’t ride up it any more as they’ve put barriers across it to stop the joyriders.
There was an interview with Magnus Backstedt today where he said back in ’98/’99 he had a bet with Stu O’Grady and a couple of others as to who could big ring it and he said they all did…nut
Cavendish can never be forgiven for passing Cipo cycling on one leg in the Tour of Cali in 08. Never.
However if Cipo did this to any rider it would have been cool. But that is why God invented double standards.
@ Brett and Frank; both very well put and nicely reasoned responses, and both good enough for me. :-D
In the spirit of that, I’ll agree to disagree but will continue to lurk around this very cool blog…Thanks for the welcome, and for the lack of flaming. Pedal on, Oli
@Oli Brooke-White
Cheers Oli, great to have you on board, and hope you will contribute to our sometimes serious, always fun discussions. Would love you to contribute a guest article if you have anything you want to share.
PS, checking this out on TradeMe, do you think it’s worthy of a build up?
Or even this?
@Marcus
Yeah, I totally agree, if Cav was not so fast he would be totally fucked but you are right, for this offense alone he is a douche nozzle forever. Thanks for reminding me of that. Whot a dick.
@Marcus
++1. The beauty of being a “fan”.
@Oli Brooke-White
I saw your “Bianchi Corner” on your blog. Wicked cool. You’re Aces in my book, just for that. Funny, I never loved Bianchis until I became inducted into the Grand Performance Bike Shop in St. Paul, MN where that was what they pedaled. Dan, the owner, and Andrew, the manager, are just fucking awesome. Total convert. Until I bought my Cervelo, I would scoff at all non-Bianchis. Another case to be made for the quality of the LBS being key.
@Brett
YESTHEYARBOTHWORTHABUILDUP.
Brett, the Bosomworth would be very cool – I used to have one and regret selling it on to this day. The Gios is actually a Vitus, so if you like the feel of an old aluminium frame then go for it.
Frank, glad you like the Bianchi Wing of my workshop! I love my two TSX ones, and still think they are among the best riding steel frames I’ve ever owned, and I’ve owned a LOT.
P.S. I think some of the LA Tours were very exciting – ’99, ’03 and ’04 particularly. I wonder if your anti-Lance bias means you miss how good a lot of the racing was. And one more cat amongst the pigeons, I am also going to go on the record as being a Cavendish fan…
@Oli Brooke-White
So, would it be kosher if I build that Bosomworth up with new Chorus 11 speed? Can get a good deal on groupset, and then get you to build some nice 32 hole rims 2 cross for the cobbles… Or if you know of any cool steel frames around?
And yeah, 2003 was a pretty exciting Tour, thought Ulle might have had him there for a moment…
@Oli Brooke-White
Absolutely love the TSX, which is what my steel is. Planning a rebuild to Chorus 10spd if I can get my hands on the old alu Ergos.
@Oli Brooke-White, @Brett
2003 was aces. I don’t recall any excitement in ’04, some in ’01. ’99, of course because he was the underdog.
2003 was simply an awesome Tour. One of the best ever. But still ’89, ’90, and ’98 would be among the best in recent memory. ’07 and ’08 were good, too.
@Brett
A perfect answer. Thanks Brett
hey fella’s, good to be back, and man there is alot to get caught up on.
good article frank, i have never heard it described as such but point well taken
not to flog what everyone else has already said, but here is one I have always thought could hang a shovel out to gather air w/the best of them.
I inhaled a bee while riding once. The little bastard stung my tongue – I had to pull the stinger out when I got home.
Sadly the moment was not recorded for comparison to the photos above.
I did finish my ride though.
@Souleur
Oh, yeah – Mr. Sixty always had his Big Ring face on, and the requisite shovel mouth to go with it. Great on, Souleur!
@ChrisO
That happened to me once, too. I wasn’t climbing at the time, though, so didn’t realize the utility it had in that arena.
Really gives a rotten taste in the mouth though, eh?
You guys would’ve been proud of me today. I set a goal for next season to do our local climb in under 30 minutes. It’s just under 10k and averages around 6% with a stretch of 12% near the top. I did a personal best (31 minutes flat) up it about a month ago while wearing Frank’s Velominati jersey. Today I was sans the jersey but I did have the Velominati throne…
…and I made my goal a season early! 29:15! and I also accomplished a little ancillary goal of riding the whole climb in the big ring*. The 12% was a little tough in the big ring but I Rule #5’d it and stood on the pedal and grunted it out. I’m still not quite sure I understand what true suffering on the bike it though.
*Compact crank
@Cyclops
Nice one. What really matters is what your biggest cog is, a 50-21 is less Rule #5 than a 53-21 but 50-23 is quite a bit better than 53-27.
I guess a 50×28 (though I was only in that on the 12% part) is more like Rule #5 “Light” then. I’ll be needing to knock another 5 minutes off my time (and ten pounds off my belly) to hang with the Cat 3’s in town but considering that it took me over 42 minute to climb it 4 years ago I heading in the right direction.
@Cyclops
Nicely done, mate! That’s 20kph average or so, right? That’s a mighty fine rate! Have you done Bogey in Boise?
Nope, but I hear it’s a killer. The harshest climb we have around here is Teton Pass between Jackson, Wy and Victor, ID. It’s 8k of 10%. The last time I climbed it a butterfly flew through my front wheel completely unscathed.
This needs to go in the Lexicon.