A technique crafted in the wheel of Le Professeur

A friend recently asked my advice for how to prepare for the longest ride he’d ever done. My approach is somewhat unorthodox when it comes to this sort of thing; I like to train to ride a lot farther than the event itself, and whenever possible, throw in a handful of sessions with my old friend, The Man with the Hammer. I suggested he do the same, just to make sure he understands the alchemy of combining total exhaustion with the reality of still having a long way to ride. Based on his response suggesting the idea somehow contained a bad taste, I assume he didn’t take my advice.

I didn’t invent this technique. De Vlaeminck was known for his marathon training sessions involving a diabolical mixture of V:00 am starts and distances of 400km in preparation for his favorite race, Paris-Roubaix. Fignon was known to head out for day-long rides with little or no food in his pockets with the express intent of meeting the Man with the Hammer.

The Man with the Hammer holds a special place in the mythology of Cycling; ruthless and unpredictable, he lurks about in the shadows, ready to strike at any time. Most fear him, but I have been bopped on the head by him so many times, I start to feel lonely for his visits after a few months. I sense him in the nape of my neck long before he draws his hammer down with his judgement. On long solo rides, when the mind retreats into The Tunnel, I often find myself carrying silent conversations. Perhaps it is he to whom I speak in those dark hours.

His presence as a constant companion may not be as insane as it sounds. Explorers have often spoken of feeling that another presence was traveling with them; the early teams who attempted to scale Mount Everest had difficulty reconciling the numbers in their party due to the convincing sensation that another had been with them. All three men in Shackleton’s party who crossed the island of South Georgia independently confided in their captain that they believed a fourth to be traveling with them. This, I am certain, is the great spirit of the Man with the Hammer. We must not fear him; though he may be ready to strike, he is a benevolent spirit.

There is something purifying in being completely depleted and still having to carry on; it flushes your transgressions from you in a cleansing flood. Don’t avoid this; seek it out; every rider should endeavor to experience his visits at least a few times per year. They remind you that you can push beyond your limits, that the only thing bridging the chasm to a goal is having the will to act.

Whenever I find myself weighed down and questioning myself, I head out on my bicycle with no food in the pockets and with the express intent of meeting my old friend, the Man with the Hammer.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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  • Just last weekend I headed out for the local "Triple Crown" route. Although the route was considerably modified to start from my front door and include summits on both Mt. Fromme and Grouse Mountain. By the time I made it home Strava told me I had done 3000 meters of climbing in 130 km, and on the descent from Cypress Mountain the Man with the Hammer caught up with me.

    That was a sketchy descent and a fight to make it to the restaurant for some braised beef poutine and Grapefruit Ales.

  • @DeKerr We have three climbs going up our mountain all about the same height and I know what my legs feel like after 120k with even one of them in it...never mind the nervous state getting down again - the top 10k or so of all of them is paved with the fun things you find in NZ rainforest - rotting tree fern leaves and possum carcasses, neither of which offer much in the way of grip.  You got bears and pine needles, right?

  • @Simon Have an idea for the first stop (20min) to change into dry bib shorts / jersey after 164km and grab a 2nd charged Sigma Mono front/rear light(s) for the return at dusk. Sigma Mono USB rechargeable light is only good for 4 hours or so. Planning to start 3 hours plus at 7:00 dawn and then start new light 3 hours before 7:00 dusk. This ride is no stopping until 164km and no stopping until finish.

  • @unversio that sounds like a plan - I can't help wondering if the old army thing about never taking off your boots halfway through the day'll come into play...

    I'm pretty short of places to stop between 125k and 260k, probably the toughest sector in there too.  Given I'll be unsupported, I'm experimenting with adding magnesium citrate supplement to regular soft drinks / powerades, see if that'll stave off the cramps...

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