A technique crafted in the wheel of Le Professeur

A friend recently asked my advice for how to prepare for the longest ride he’d ever done. My approach is somewhat unorthodox when it comes to this sort of thing; I like to train to ride a lot farther than the event itself, and whenever possible, throw in a handful of sessions with my old friend, The Man with the Hammer. I suggested he do the same, just to make sure he understands the alchemy of combining total exhaustion with the reality of still having a long way to ride. Based on his response suggesting the idea somehow contained a bad taste, I assume he didn’t take my advice.

I didn’t invent this technique. De Vlaeminck was known for his marathon training sessions involving a diabolical mixture of V:00 am starts and distances of 400km in preparation for his favorite race, Paris-Roubaix. Fignon was known to head out for day-long rides with little or no food in his pockets with the express intent of meeting the Man with the Hammer.

The Man with the Hammer holds a special place in the mythology of Cycling; ruthless and unpredictable, he lurks about in the shadows, ready to strike at any time. Most fear him, but I have been bopped on the head by him so many times, I start to feel lonely for his visits after a few months. I sense him in the nape of my neck long before he draws his hammer down with his judgement. On long solo rides, when the mind retreats into The Tunnel, I often find myself carrying silent conversations. Perhaps it is he to whom I speak in those dark hours.

His presence as a constant companion may not be as insane as it sounds. Explorers have often spoken of feeling that another presence was traveling with them; the early teams who attempted to scale Mount Everest had difficulty reconciling the numbers in their party due to the convincing sensation that another had been with them. All three men in Shackleton’s party who crossed the island of South Georgia independently confided in their captain that they believed a fourth to be traveling with them. This, I am certain, is the great spirit of the Man with the Hammer. We must not fear him; though he may be ready to strike, he is a benevolent spirit.

There is something purifying in being completely depleted and still having to carry on; it flushes your transgressions from you in a cleansing flood. Don’t avoid this; seek it out; every rider should endeavor to experience his visits at least a few times per year. They remind you that you can push beyond your limits, that the only thing bridging the chasm to a goal is having the will to act.

Whenever I find myself weighed down and questioning myself, I head out on my bicycle with no food in the pockets and with the express intent of meeting my old friend, the Man with the Hammer.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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  • Took up cycling about a dozen years ago - late in life.  Met the Man With the Hammer shortly thereafter when engaged in my very first 160km ride. At 120km, thighs cramped, breathing was erratic and vision was blurred.  I did not know his name at the time; but was fairly certain that TMWTH would persist if I did not get my sorry ass to the finish line and consider my training oiptions for the next one.  The results of Rule #5 inspired training have largely been successful as my elevations and distances continue to improve despite the advancing age.  I do not welcome his visits, but I do respect them and believe they are a measure of testing the edge of distance and climbing achievements.  Agreed that one must prepare to aviod his visits, but if you are prepared and he comes tapping in spite of that, then you are probably pushing it to the limiit.  That recognition and the familiarity of it all makes the accomplshment that much more satisfying.

  • @JohnB

    Chapeau to those boffins who can design something to be absorbed by the body so quickly.

    The rapid effect you felt might not be related to the nutrients of the gel being absorbed, but rather your body releasing additional glycogen after tasting the sugar in the gel. I read about a study where cyclists that simply rinsed their mount with a sugary liquid (without swallowing) were able to go longer and harder than the control group that only rinsed with water. It had something to do with tricking your body in thinking it's about to get fresh sugar so that the brain makes some of its strategic glycogen reserves available for the effort at hand, postponing the visit from the Man with the Hammer. Seems to be true for me: I can get a lot of mileage by dosing out cliff blocks one or two at a time...

  • I can see the point of the racers in the community that individually measure out morning espresso grinds to stay within their optimum training "program" thinking it is a failure when meeting the Man outside of a race.  It would indicate a lack of discipline or an issue with the "program".  For the rest of us that don't race, just ride, he is the Shadow and can strike at any time.

  • @Collin

    @wiscot I did that ride the first weekend of June. I started around 6:30am and finished at midnight. With the long Michigan summer days, I only had to ride the last two hours or so in the dark.

    I enjoy riding at night, so as the days get shorter more rides will spill over into night. By December, I'll end up starting in pitch black. With good lights and some extra reflecty bits, I feel just as safe as during the day. It is easy enough to see what the car coming up behind you is doing based on where the headlights are moving. I've never had a problem, just some quizzical looks at why this guy is out on his bike at midnight.

    Damn! Hat's off! That's impressive - if a bit mad . . .

  • Nice one, Frank! 400 km? Woah.

    I find that when I haven't ridden even for just a few days I begin to doubt myself. Can I ride that long? Do I still even know how to ride a bike? What about traffic, can I handle my bike in traffic before I get outside the city? Maybe it's really just the Man with the Hammer trying to scare me away from trying. Of course, as soon as I just go out and ride, even if not anything massive, my confidence is always restored in no time.

    What a great lead photo! Love the guy in the desert general jacket, love the expression of the gent next to him, the "TF1" (is that what it says?) font and colors are superb, the rainbow stripes on the Total are excellent, and the guy in the Total thinks he's just seen a beautiful long putt go in the hole. The old gent seems to have gotten shivers due to the blast of V-Force Le Professeur just emitted.

  • @snoov

    @the Engine I'm surprised that you've even heard of Buck 65, unless you're a closet Hip Hop fan. Then again, you might have just done a search on the interwebs. Me? I've djed with many a legend such as Afrika Bambaataa and Cool DJ Herc, two of the holy trinity of Hip Hop.

    $1.65 hails from Nove Scotia too, so he cant be that bad.

  • @Jamie

    @Durishin

    I have always found that Rule #6 washes away fear of the man with the hammer.

    Until it doesn't. Truly meeting the the Man With The Hammer is not in your head, it is in your belly, your liver, and your blood chemistry. When you are depleted, you are depleted, no mater what your mind says.

    This, I have never been more fucked up then bonking 30km out into a headwind in 0C weather.  Then it started to snow.  I slept on the floor wrapped in a towel still in my kit.  I never want to go there again.

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